


In Our Time Apart

by FiliKiliThorinForever



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Blood, Branding, Fili hurt, Fíli Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kili angst, Restraints, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-25 21:07:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 74,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1662461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliKiliThorinForever/pseuds/FiliKiliThorinForever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's always been Fíli and Kíli, never Fíli or Kíli, but some unwanted visitors arrive outside Ered Luin the day before Fíli's 70th birthday and change all that, changing their lives in a way they never thought possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Promise Me

**A/N: Hello everyone! So! New story! This is one I've had planned for a while, and it links to another story I'll get round to writing eventually I'm sure, that was the main reason for writing this one! Anyway this one is a bit darker that It Only Takes A Lie which is my other Hobbit story, and this one will certainly be more graphic. There's no sexual abuse or anything in this story, so if that's what your looking for, sorry! Love the boys too much for that. Anyway enjoy! Let me know what you think!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

 

Kíli sighed happily as he lay on his back and gazed up at the stars. It was a clear summer’s night in Ered Luin, the moon was at its brightest and the light breeze kept the clearing nice and cool, a perfect ending to a long day of hunting. Hearing a sigh that wasn't his own he looked to his right and spotted his brother through the flames of their campfire, lying on the ground with a hand tucked under his head looking for all the world like he was at peace.

Tomorrow was Fíli’s seventieth birthday, and Kíli had managed to convince his mother and his uncle to allow him to take his brother out hunting for three days before his name-day so they could return with enough meat for the surprise party he and his mother had been planning. He had barely been able to keep his excitement for the party hidden the whole time they’d been away, in fact he'd nearly blown his cover several times when he thought about the gift he had lying at home hidden under the bed. 

Fíli had always looked out for him from the moment he was born, so Kíli had wanted to make something special for his brother to show just how much he loved him for who he was.

He had spent well over two months preparing the gift; from drawing the designs to practice attempts, folding the metal, sharpening it, creating the hilt’s, and the inscriptions and carvings on the cross-guard and blades. He had created a pair of falchions that when looked at there would be no mistake as to who had crafted them. Each sword was crafted to perfection according to Thorin; they were sturdy, perfectly balanced and sharp enough to slice through a neck like it was butter.

But the real pride that Kíli took in his creations was the design. 

Each pommel had Fíli’s symbol carved into them with Thorin's, Kíli’s, Dís’ and their father’s symbols on the back. Running along the cross-guard were the seven stars of Durin to show his heritage. But the best and most beautiful part in his mind was what was on the blades themselves. 

The first sword had the dwarven words for _loyalty, honour and a willing heart_ on one side; a saying that Thorin and Dwalin would constantly tell them was the most important attribute in a warrior. On the opposite side of the sword had a picture of a lion roaring, standing strong and proud as Kíli constantly teased Fíli about how he was reminded of a lion every time Fíli fought, and so it felt a fitting addition. 

On the second sword the hilt and handle had the same designs and inscriptions, but the blade was different, very different and very special to Kíli. On one side he had inscribed the words in Khuzdul _my partner in crime, my best friend, my protector, my brother_ , and on the opposite side of the blade it had a engraving of another lion, this one was crouched down, looking peaceful and what looked like a smile on its face whilst it looked at a large raven wrapped around its neck. Fíli was Kíli’s fierce lion, and Kíli was Fíli’s raven.

And to finish the gift off both falchions had been encased in scabbards that had been created from the skin of a large elk he’d brought down when he first began planning his gift. When he had shown the blades to his mother she had started crying at their words and engravings, and even Thorin had looked to be moved by them.

Kíli was so lost in the thought of giving Fíli his present that he didn’t hear his brother calling him until he sat down on his stomach.

“Keeeee!” the blond whined playfully “why’re you ignoring me?” He had a grin on his face as Kíli squirmed to try and dislodge his brother.

“Fee you’re as heavy as a bear! Get off!” Kíli managed to roll to the side and sent him sprawling on the ground next to him. “And I didn’t mean to ignore you, I was just thinking,” he told the blond as he sat up. 

Fíli smiled softly at his brother before turning back to the fire and Kíli watched as emotions played across his face that didn’t suit the peace of the evening. He looked... worried, which was strange. His brother had nothing to be worried about, unless it was about his birthday and Kíli knew he’d be able to shake him from that mood with the party that was planned.

“Fee, is everything alright?”

Fíli looked at him and nodded. “Yeah,” he said quietly, “could you redo my braids for me?”

He nodded and Fíli moved to sit between his legs. As he sat down the first thing Kíli noticed was that his brother’s braids were perfect, now remembering that his brother had done them a few hours prior so the only reason he’d want him to do them was if he wanted to talk about something but wasn’t sure how to say it.

So he set to work taking the beads out, running the comb that was passed to him through his brother’s golden hair before separating sections off. The two of them sat in silence whilst Kíli took his time, knowing Fíli would open up about what was bothering him sooner or later.

Sure enough Fíli soon spoke up.

“Kee?”

“Yes Fíli?”

“Tomorrows my birthday...”

“Really?” Kíli asked with a grin and sounding innocently confused. “Are you sure because I could have sworn it was next month!”

The blond elbowed him in the ribs making them both laugh. “Seriously though, tomorrows my birthday which means that Thorin’s lessons on being an heir are going to increase, he’s going to expect more of me, want me to travel further y'know?”

Kíli nodded slowly, then realising that his brother couldn’t see his nod so he said “okay... I don’t understand why this has you worried though.”

The innocent question caused Fíli to sigh. “It’s not me I’m worried about...” He told him quietly “It’s you, or more so you when I’m not there.”

Kíli tugged on a now complete braid. “Did you eat some wild mushrooms or something when I wasn’t looking because you’ve lost me.”

Fíli snorted softly and continued on. “I’m worried because if I go away Kíli, I... Anything can happen on the road and there’s a chance that I might not come back.”

The young dwarf froze mid-braid stunned. He’d never thought about this because he’d never let himself think of Fíli being in danger when he was away from home. “In that case I’m coming with you Fee, I won’t let you go without me!” He said evenly, but there was no denying the stubbornness that lay underneath.

“Kee, you can’t. Ma will need you here, but I need you to promise me something.”

“Fíli you won’t be dying the moment you leave home! You can’t!” he snapped, now sounding slightly hysterical as he clasped a bead to another finished braid.

The blond spun around so he was facing his brother. “I’m sorry I sound so morbid right before my birthday, and there’s a high chance nothing will happen on the road anyway, but I want you, us in fact, to make a promise to each other.”

He eyed his brother suspiciously. “What kind of promise?”

“I want you to promise me that if anything were to happen to me, you wouldn’t let my death rule and ruin your life...”

Kíli opened his mouth to interrupt but Fíli placed a finger to his lips and carried on.

“You can grieve, I’d never deny you that, you can be angry and hate me or do whatever you have to when it happens, but if I die I don’t want you to try and follow me, I don’t want to die knowing that you’ll follow me out of love. I want you to live a long and happy life with lots of kids and remember me for who I am, and live knowing I love you with all my heart and that I will be waiting for you when old age claims you. And even then I expect you to put up a fight.” 

His hand had drifted down until it was holding the back of Kíli’s neck lightly, drawing his brother in so he could press their foreheads together as he whispered to him. They both had tears in their eyes as they’d never spoken before about one of them falling and what the other was supposed to do, because they were always together never apart; it was always Fíli and Kíli not Fíli or Kíli, it just sounded wrong, and them being apart for a long period of time was almost unheard of.

Kíli’s voiced wavered as looked his brother in the eyes. “Only if you promise me the same. You have to promise that if I die you won’t go looking for revenge just to get yourself killed.”

Fíli struggled silently with that. He knew deep down that he’d never let harm befall his little brother, that he’d take every injury to keep him safe and if Kíli was taken from him he wouldn’t stop until every last person who’d been there was dead, then he’d make sure he could follow him soon after.

The older dwarf sighed, drained emotionally by the talk already. “Alright Kee, I promise I won't.”

“Then I... I promise too.” Kíli agreed quietly.

“Thank you.” Fíli squeezed the back of his brother’s neck gently before releasing him. “Now enough depressing talk before my birthday. Come on, finish the braids then we can sleep. We have an early start in the morning, especially if we want Ma to see me before she goes to work.” He quickly wiped away the tears that had gathered in the corner of Kíli's before turning back around, but not before flicking Kíli on the nose when he sniffled wetly, much to the brunet's annoyance.

 

They stayed awake for a couple more hours eating and talking about all sorts of nonsense despite saying they would go to bed early. They only stopped when Kíli started yawning so wide Fíli thought his face might split in half.

“Alright you, enough talking I think as your face looks like it’s about to fall off. I’ll take first watch as it’s been a long three days and you’ve done more of the work than me.” He laughed as he nudged his brother whose head had been resting on his shoulder for the last ten minutes.

Kíli was too tired to argue so he moved to his bedroll which was behind the log they’d been sitting on.

“I'll wake you in a couple of hours Kee,” Fíli promised, running his hand over his brother’s hair in a petting motion and helping the younger dwarf fall asleep faster.

“Okay,” Kíli replied, already dropping off to the soothing motions.

“Oh and Kíli?”

“Yeah Fee?”

“Thank you, you know for the camping trip. Spending time with you is the best birthday present ever. Love you.”

“S'okay Fee. Love you too.”

And in the warm summer night, little did they know that their lives were about to change.


	2. I Will Always Love You

**A/N: Welcome back everyone! I don't really know what to say about this chapter, only that I've had this written for a while and can't really imagine this happening any other way, so don't hate me too much?**

**Just want to say thanks to[Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 6 guests left kudos and comments, you guys are AWESOME!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

Fíli sat there looking at the moon with a soft smile on his face. He was outdoors, out in the wild where he loved to be. Free to be just Fíli: the son of Dís, nephew to Thorin and brother to Kíli, not Fíli ‘the-next-heir-of-Durin-who-will-be-getting-more-responsibilities-after-this-birthday’.

As if he didn’t have enough already.

He sighed, looking down to where Kíli was curled beside him sleeping peacefully. Yes, he was looking forward to going back to his warm bed, but at the same time he wasn’t looking forward to going back when he knew he was going to be worked to exhaustion. A more in-depth side to his Royal training awaited him as well as sitting in at council meetings with Thorin, harder lessons with Balin, advanced combat training with Dwalin and his normal blacksmithing duties to make money and help his mother out. He was already tired from all the expectations placed on his shoulders, collapsing in his bed every night more often than not and now his load was only going to get bigger. 

The only thing that got him through the day with his sanity intact was that he had Kíli by his side. Whilst the younger dwarf hadn’t yet started his Royal training, he and Kíli spent most days learning side by side in the classroom – or annoying Balin was probably an apt description – and working together in the forge and on the training grounds. He’d overheard his uncle and mother talking about Kíli potentially starting his training with Thorin in a year or so, but Fíli hoped for his brother’s sake it wouldn’t be any time soon.

He looked down at the brunet and smiled. He couldn’t remember his life before his brother, but from the stories he’d heard he was a laid back, easy going child who was well behaved and quiet. His mother often questioned where that had gone. The moment Kíli was born the quiet part of his personality disappeared as he would always talk to his brother and tell him stories about adventures they would have or the trouble they would get into. When Kíli started walking people swore up and down that someone had kidnapped the timid, quiet and laid back Fíli and replaced him with a cheeky, loud and adventurous child who had to constantly be watched as he and Kíli would disappear and get into everything they could.

It was safe to say they’d kept their parents and Thorin very busy.

His attention snapped back to the present with the twig that cracked nearby. His falchions lay across his lap so he grasped the hilts and looked around, weariness forgotten, eyes and ears sharp. There was another crack off to his right.

He would have pegged the noises to be the horses moving around, but only problem was they were on his left and nickering nervously.

Fíli released one of his swords to shake his brother’s shoulder, eyes scanning the area carefully. “Kíli, Kíli wake up,” he hissed quietly.

“S’my turn?” Kíli asked, rubbing his eyes slowly. When his vision was somewhat clear he looked at his brother and spotted his hands on his weapons and his alert posture. “Fíli?” He whispered, “what is it?” As he talked he eased himself into a kneeling position, shouldering his quiver and attaching his sword belt before knocking an arrow, arms relaxed but ready to draw at a moment’s notice.

“Not sure,” Fíli admitted.  “It could be nothing, but I heard twigs snapping off to the right.”

They both looked that way and scanned the bushes, only to have their heads snap forward when there was a rustling and another branch breaking in the forest in front of them.

“Could be an animal?” Kíli asked quietly, focussing on the patch of forest the noise had come from.

“Possibly. If so it, or they, are circling,” he replied quietly, gripping both swords and standing. He walked towards the bush on silent feet, sheathing a sword to his back and slipping his long dagger into his hand. Kíli stood and drew his bow, pointing towards the trees.

A slight huffing noise, so quiet that he was surprised he heard it at all had him spinning around and throwing his dagger with deadly precision, straight into the throat of a Warg that had snuck up behind them.

“KÍLI!”

He was already onto it, spinning and releasing his arrow straight into the throat of the orc who was riding the Warg, and quickly swapping his bow for his sword to slice through the Wargs neck to make sure it was dead.

Fíli leapt back to his brother’s side and they stood back to back as forty orcs poured out of the forest on all sides and charged at the two dwarves. With their combat skills honed to perfection they had no problem slaughtering the first few beasts their blades met, but they both knew that they wouldn’t stand much of a chance when so heavily outnumbered.

“Kíli! On my go make for the horses!” Fíli yelled desperately, blocking an orc and slicing its arm off before driving his blade into the chest of another.

The brother’s worked in unison, blocking and stabbing together, making sure each was protected as the orcs now had them surrounded and blocked off their path to the horses. Thanks to Fíli's twin blades, he was able to thin out the orcs directly surrounding them. They had killed ten and injured a few more, but the brothers were tiring, and quickly.

 _We’re going to have to focus on improving our stamina_ Fíli thought absently as he stopped an Orc from decapitating him and instead returned the favour. His attention was wrenched back to the present when he heard a gasp behind him.

“Kíli?” He called urgently, “you alright?!” He could feel his brother behind him but couldn’t tell if and how badly he'd been hurt. There was a long stretch of silence from Kíli before he grunted.

“I’m okay... He nicked my arm. Just a cut.” Kíli growled, swinging his sword to decapitate the offending orc.

Fíli looked around desperately, they were getting slower and sloppier and if they didn’t get out of there quickly they were going to die. He looked to the panicking yet still tethered horses, both of which were thankfully still being ignored in favour of the dwarves and started turning so his back was to them, knowing Kíli would move with him so they would be directly in his path.

One thing about fighting, Fíli realised, was that if you were getting tired, thinking about strategy and not focussing on the battle you were going to make mistakes, and he realised this as an orc blade sliced into his side and was pulled out roughly making him cry out. It hadn’t gone too deep, at least not deep enough to do any internal damage but enough to make his whole side feel like it was on fire.

“Fee, you okay?!” Kíli yelled, shooting a look over his shoulder, blocking before stabbing another Orc.

“I’ll be fine, just make for the ponies. NOW!” Fíli yelled; turning quickly to check the coast was clear before shoving his brother towards them.

Kíli stumbled as he ran, exhaustion and blood loss making themselves known to the younger dwarf but he managed to make his way to the horses all the same, quickly disposing of the orcs that tried to block his path. As expected he’d sustained a few small cuts from catching the tail end of a blade as he blocked, but his main concern was the deep gash that ran across his left arm which was bleeding profusely. He hoped it hadn’t nicked anything important, as it was his arm was crimson and the oozing blood showed no indication of stopping anytime soon. He needed to wrap it but it wasn’t likely he’d be given a chance in the near future.

Kíli was almost to the ponies when a cry of pain had him spinning around with his sword ready, only to feel his heart miss a beat at the sight before him; Fíli, struggling desperately to get free from the mouth of a Warg which had clamped around his body and was shaking him like he was a toy.

“NO!” He screamed, quickly swapping his sword for his bow and ignoring the pain fired two arrows one after another rapidly, one at the rider and one at the Warg. Each arrow landed with a deadly accuracy that at any other time Kíli would have been elated at achieving without pausing, however he was too busy watching with horror as the Warg opened its mouth mid-shake in pain to throw his brother bodily into the air towards him.

Fíli used the momentum from his roll to stagger upright and stumble towards his brother, blocking and stabbing orcs that came to finish him off as he’d somehow managed to keep hold of his swords. It was from his position that he saw Kíli take down three more orcs in quick succession, but miss the archer that was aiming at him.

“Kíli! NO!” Fíli cried, too late for his brother to spot and block the arrow that buried itself into his stomach. Fíli raced forward, pain from the numerous puncture wounds forgotten as he decapitated the orc that had dared to hurt his brother.

Kíli stumbled from the impact but managed stay upright and watched as Fíli removed the orcs head and ran towards him still fighting. But pain and blood loss were now creeping up on him quickly and his vision was beginning to blur.

“KÍLI! GET ON THE HORSE, NOW!” Fíli yelled; grunting as he went down on one knee as a blade from an overlooked orc sliced through his calf. He twisted a sword and stabbed behind him into the orc that was trying to finish him off before pushing off the ground, gritting his teeth against the pain and running as fast as possible towards his brother. 

He could see Kíli holding the orcs off as he neared the horses, but he was struggling with the arrow sticking out of his stomach. If Kíli didn’t get to a healer’s soon Fíli knew he could lose his brother forever, and he refused to let that happen. So he did the only thing he could do that would give him time, he flung himself at the orcs surrounding Kíli and fought like a dwarf possessed.

“KÍLI! GET ON AND TIE YOURSELF TO HER!” Fíli roared, not noticing as a blade sliced through his back deeply. He was already beyond feeling pain, his multitude of injuries making it feel as though his whole body was on fire. 

Kíli, who was starting to get light headed from the blood loss and spreading stomach acid struggled up onto his horse and tied the reins around his waist, knowing full well that if he passed out this would be the only thing to stop him from tumbling off.

“I’m tied on!” He groaned, whimpering when he knocked the arrow whilst trying to calm Daisy.

Fíli assessed the situation quickly, the orcs were advancing on them quickly, and there was no way he'd be able to get onto the horse that was past Kíli without risking them both getting killed. Knowing there was nothing else he could do he spun, lobbing off the heads of two orcs before slashing his sword through the rope tied around the tree and freeing both ponies.

“GET HIM HOME AND DON’T STOP!” Fíli yelled, jumping to the side and slapping the horse on its flank, before turning back to face the enemy.

“Love you Kee, always.” Fíli said quietly, briefly watching the horses carry his brother into the night before turning back to the battle with a fierce snarl, truly the lion Kíli always said he was.

And as a sword drove through his chest, Fíli knew he could be forgiven for thinking he heard his brother call out his name as his world went black.

                                                                                            

* * *

 

The horses thundered away from the fight, the bouncing making Kíli cry out. Every jolt from the horse’s hooves as they touched solid ground jolting the arrow and leaving him lightheaded from the agony that was ripping into his body.

With every bounce in his saddle the arrow was jostled further, the fluids in his stomach seeping out and poisoning his body. The sudden flood of bile into his mouth had him turning his head and vomiting violently, and he was infinitely grateful he hadn’t vomited on Fíli and Buttercup. He didn’t think either of them would forgive him.

Coughing through the pain he looked over at his brother with a weak smile on his face.

“I’m okay F-” he froze, horror washing through him when he saw a horse with no rider. “Fíli? FÍLI?!” Kíli screamed, realising that his brother had never mounted his horse.

He spun in his saddle to look towards the battle, the sudden movement opening his wound further and making blood pour out onto his saddle and saw Fíli watching him before he disappeared under a Warg and orcs.

“Fíli...” He whispered, collapsing against Daisy's neck trying to fight unconsciousness but losing his battle. Before the darkness claimed him he managed one to cry one last thing.

“FEE!”


	3. An Uneasy Feeling

**Welcome back everyone! Introducing Thorin! Hooray! Lol, was interesting writing him this time around from my other fic, I've made him slightly more relaxed than what he was when they went on the quest, but we'll see him change back over time I'm sure! :)**

**Special thanks to[madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) and the12 guests that kudosed or commented, you guys are awesome! **

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

The door to the meeting house swung open and a group of dwarves walked out, mumbling between themselves about going to the tavern for a meal and an ale. Inside, only three dwarves remained. Balin finished writing the notes from the meeting as Ori, his apprentice, would have carried out the task of scribe but his brother Dori was sick so he was helping look after him. Dwalin, the second dwarf at the table cracked his knuckles and rolled his shoulders.

“Well, that went better than expected. I was half expecting this to drag out for another week or for someone to lose a few teeth.” He grinned at his brother who rolled his eyes as he shuffled his now complete notes, then looked to his right to the head of the table.

“Come on, ye can’t tell me yer not relieved?”

Thorin lifted his head from his arms and glared at Dwalin. “Yes, I’m glad it’s over Dwalin, but it could have been over yesterday afternoon when I told them the exact same thing they ‘thought of’ today! They were too busy yelling at each other and didn’t bother listening to anything anyone else put forward.” He huffed, glaring at the now shut doors in annoyance. “They’re all lucky I had Fíli’s gift completed three days ago otherwise I would have ended negotiations - painfully - three hours ago.”

Dwalin looked at him in confusion. “Why didn’t ye say anything about it earlier?”

“I did!” He cried indignantly, throwing his hands into the air in exasperation. “They're all too pig-headed to listen! It’s the last bloody time we deal with them. I’m telling you now, Dwalin, once their contract runs out next week I want them gone and I certainly don’t want to see them again. This sort of rubbish happens every year and I’ve had enough. Dain can have them in the future.”

Balin stood and filed away the notes for review the following morning. “Come on Thorin, lets head back and talk to Dís about Fíli’s party tomorrow whilst we have something to eat, you know she’s expecting us.”

Thorin sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Alright, the sooner we get back the better, there are a few things I wish to discuss.” Dwalin and Balin nodded and followed him out of the building. Balin locked the door and the trio headed to the house he shared with Dís, Kíli and Fíli.

“Nice night out tonight for the lads, clear sky and full moon. When are they due back?” Balin asked, turning his face towards the moon and enjoying the cool summer breeze on his face.

“Sometime tomorrow morning, they had said they’d be close to the town by nightfall but Kíli wanted to arrive on Fíli’s birthday, he didn’t want to leave a gap between the trip and him opening his gifts.” 

“They’ll undoubtedly sleep in so we won’t see them until late morning. Fíli will have his hands full trying to get that brother of his up. Ye know what a shocker he is first thing in the morning,” Dwalin chuckled.

Balin shook his head in amusement, remembering the many scolding’s they’d all dished out to the younger dwarf over the years over his fondness for sleeping in as they continued towards the main gate and the houses further on.

Thorin smiled weakly at the reminder of his youngest nephew’s habit before looking up to the sky. The strange thrum of unease that he’d been feeling all evening dug its roots further into his heart. It was a beautiful night; not a cloud in the sky, it was warm with a cool and soft breeze and it was quiet. But that was the problem, it was too quiet for his liking, it was almost as though someone had put a blanket over the village and it was muffling all the sound, even the ever noisy Lone Warrior tavern was quiet.

Dwalin noticed the apprehension on his friend’s face, because there wasn’t much that he missed when it came to his shield brother. “Everything alright?” He asked with a nudge.

Thorin sighed. “It’s nothing really, just... Something feels off tonight. I would have preferred the lads’ home by now, having them gone for so long when they're so young worries me.” He glanced at his friends before rolling his eyes and looking away at their amused expressions.

“They’re trained warriors, Thorin, this is just the next step in their training. They need to learn to rely on themselves and each other to survive in the wild, you know this. They’ll be fine and tomorrow you’ll be laughing at your worries. They’re good lads; you helped raise them after all.”

He nodded and sighed. Letting the boys go for more than a day had been a hard decision. He knew it was time to trust them to be able to look after themselves when out hunting, they’d been on long trips before but he and Dwalin had always been with them, and letting them go meant they were indeed growing up and no longer reliant on them.

Part of him wanted them to remain as the dwarfling’s who would come to him when they were frightened or when they needed an evil goblin to fight in their games, but he also knew that he couldn’t be more proud of the dwarves and warriors they were becoming. Dedicated to their learnings but more dedicated to each other, their family and, annoyingly, as much mischief as they could possibly manage.

As they approached the main gate Thorin noticed there were more guards in the main square than normal, he looked around trying to find someone he recognised.

“Thorin!”

He turned his head and saw Gloin hurrying over. “Gloin, what’s going on? Why’re there so many guards here?”

The burgundy haired dwarf stopped before the group and looked at them with concern. “A few of the wall guards thought they heard a commotion about ten minutes ago. We summoned enough guards to give us some defence in case of a surprise attack, and someone standing by to sound the alarm to summon the rest if need be. We were just discussing on whether to send for you or -”

Just then a cry from above the gate drew everyone’s attention.

“INCOMING!”

All the guards scrambled into defensive positions; Thorin, Balin and Dwalin dashing towards the nearby armoury when there was another call from the wall’s watchtower.

“Hold up! It’s just a couple of horses.”

There was a collective sigh from the guards as they relaxed, but Thorin hurried over to Gloin, the unease that had been plaguing him all evening now fully consuming him.

“Gloin,” he said urgently, grabbing the dwarfs shoulder and spinning him round and cutting off the discussion he’d been having with another guard.

“Steady on, Thorin. What is it?” Gloin looked at him curiously, then at Dwalin and Balin who were standing behind their leader looking confused.

Tamping down the panic that was threatening to rise he looked at the dwarf intently. “Where did the guards say they heard the commotion?”

“Um...”

“Where, Gloin?” He demanded.

“In the forest - Thorin what’s going on?”

He felt the blood drain from his face. Turning towards the gate he sprinted up the stairs two at a time, sliding to a stop at the top and leaning forward in an attempt for a better view.

“Thorin, what is it?” Dwalin asked, coming to stand next to his friend as shaking his shoulder to get his attention.

“The boys are camping near the town, Dwalin. They took horses with them!” he replied, now thoroughly panicking when, thanks to the moonlight, he made out the colour of both horses.

It was Daisy and Buttercup.

The horses were getting close to the gates and Thorin raced back down the stairs, followed closely by the now worried Dwalin, Balin and Gloin.

“Get the gates open, NOW!” Thorin roared as he hit the ground and ran to the middle of the yard, placing himself in the path the horses would take the moment the entered the village.

The gates swung open and all the dwarves watched as the horses drew closer and bolted straight towards them, Thorin waving his arms above his head to slow the horses down. Both horses reared in panic, but it gave him enough time to come in from the side and together he and Dwalin, with Balin and Gloin’s assistance, managed to grab the bridles of the horses to help hold them still. 

Thorin had grabbed Daisy, and now that she wasn’t moving so much he noticed to his horror a slumped figure on her back, in danger of toppling off if not for the ropes holding them in place. He took in the persons outfit, recognising the clothing, quiver and most importantly the silver clip holding the messy brown hair together.

“Kíli?” He whispered in horror. He turned his nephews head towards him, only to discover he was pale with a sheen of sweat coating his face. “I need a knife!” Thorin yelled over his shoulder, fingers already working on the knots that held Kíli in his seat.

Dwalin appeared by his side and started cutting the ropes that bound Kíli to his horse. As soon as Kíli was free his body toppled sideways, straight into Thorin’s arms. He lowered his nephew to the ground, cradling his body and allowing them all too clearly see the unconscious dwarf.

Cuts littered his body with a particularly nasty gash on his arm, his clothing was in tatters, but the worst injury they could see was the arrow sticking out of his stomach. Thorin muttered a prayer of thanks that Kíli had collapsed on his uninjured side, the arrow was already in deep and a fall would have only made things worse.

Thorin placed his ear above Kíli’s mouth, hoping against hope to hear something that would indicated his nephew was still alive, and to his relief he felt a faint fluttering of breath against his cheek.

“Thank Mahal...” he whispered, touching his forehead to his nephew’s briefly in relief. He scooped Kíli up and with Dwalin’s help he stood before taking off to the healing house with Dwalin and Balin close behind and Gloin yelling that he’d get Dís.


	4. A Warrior Laid Low

**Hello Everyone! Sorry for the delay in posting, I prefer to stay several chapters ahead of what I post, but I've been having a few problems with one of my chapters, just couldn't decide on how I wanted it written, but I'm happier with it now and got a good portion done for it so felt that I'd treat you all :) Hopefully you enjoy this chapter, feedback is always welcome!**

**Special thanks to[WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 14 guests who've kudosed or commented! You guys are awesome!  
**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

Thorin ran as fast as he dared, trying to be as mindful of the arrow that was sticking out of Kíli’s stomach as possible. Soon enough they neared the healer’s house. Dwalin overtook Thorin, running at a speed Thorin didn’t know his friend possessed and burst through the doors up ahead. 

Moments later Dwalin appeared in the doorway talking to the head healer Oin, a good and old friend who had patched up Thorin and his family more times than anyone could count. Oin could be seen yelling out orders to the other healers while he waited for Thorin to enter the building.

Thorin ran straight inside the healing house and followed Oin to a room, whilst other healers scurried around taking all sorts of supplies to the room they were heading to.

“Bring him in here!” Oin called out.

He moved into the room and saw Oin by a table as well as four other healers all preparing to help the injured dwarf.

“Thorin I need you to put him on the table then wait outside, you two as well.” Oin said looking at Dwalin and Balin.

“I’m staying Oin!” Thorin growled as he placed his unconscious nephew on the table carefully.

“Come laddie, there’s nothing more we can do here, we’ll just be in the way.” Balin said gently, placing his hand on Thorin’s arm.

“Aye, Oin’s the best healer here, Kíli's in good hands now.” Dwalin agreed, and with Balin’s help they guided their friend from the room.

“You stay with me Kíli, don’t you dare leave us!” he called out, hoping that somehow in the darkness surrounding him Kíli would hear him.

Balin guided Thorin back towards the entrance where they could wait. He knew if Thorin was outside the room and Kíli started crying out then the door wouldn’t be enough to keep him from his nephew. As they sat down the door to the Healing House burst open and Dís rushed in, closely followed by Gloin.

“What happened? Where is he? Where are my babies?!” Dís yelled, looking around desperately. Thorin hurried over to his sister and wrapped his arms around her.

“Thorin, where are they?” Dís sobbed.

“He’s in with Oin; they're doing everything they can for him Dís.” Thorin said, choking slightly on his breath. He couldn’t get the image of Kíli, his boisterous, wild-haired and trouble making Kíli looking so pale and still out of his head.

Dís looked at her brother and could see the pain and grief on his face. She held his face with one of her hands and forced him to look at her. “What aren’t you telling me Thorin?”

“It’s bad, Dís, he’s been hurt pretty bad,” he whispered, fighting a losing battle to stop tears falling from his eyes.

Dís whimpered as her legs gave way, Thorin following her down and the pair of them clung to each other seeking comfort.

 

Dwalin motioned to Balin to follow him and he moved to the opposite end of the waiting room. He fell into a chair, scrubbing a hand over his face before looking wearily at his older brother who was leaning against a table.

There was silence between them before Balin gave him a small smile. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you run that fast in my life.” 

He rolled his eyes. “I can, yer just never the one I’m chasing.” Balin snorted quietly before silence settled over them once more.

“Do you think he’ll pull through?” he asked with an uncharacteristically small voice.

“Aye, the lad’s tough, he won’t let this beat him, he’s too stubborn for that.” Balin said, trying to reassure not just himself but his younger brother as well.

He nodded, yet to be convinced. Kíli was strong, sure, and he’d had his fair share of injuries, but never to this severity and whether the young dwarf’s body would be able to cope remained to be seen.

Dís’ hoarse voice echoed through the quiet room. “Where’s Fíli?”

Dwalin and Balin looked at the two Durin’s on the floor, watching as the blood drained out of Thorin’s face when he realised who he’d forgotten in the panic.

“Oh Mahal,” he choked out looking at his friends desperately “Fíli… was he…”

Dwalin shook his head. “I didn’t get a chance to get a good look at Buttercup because you needed help with the lad, but there weren’t any ropes like what Kíli had and from what light there was I couldn’t see any blood, so either he wasn’t hurt when he fell off, or he was never on Buttercup in the first place."

 _Either way it’s not a good sign, I just hope he’s safe_. Balin prayed silently.

“Thorin,” Dwalin continued quietly “if Fíli wasn’t hurt he’d be the one who brought Kíli back, nothing would keep him from making sure his brother was okay. Him not being here, it can only mean -”

“Don’t! Dwalin please don’t say it. He’s fine, he has to be.” Thorin moaned, running his hands through his hair in distress.

“We need to send people out looking for him.”

“Where would they look, Dwalin? That forest is huge and we have no idea where they were camping,” his brother responded dejectedly.

“It’s better than doing nothing, Balin.”

“Don't you think I don't know that, Balin?” Thorin growled. “Dwalin, you and Gloin organise and send patrol’s out but tell them to stay in pairs and keep their eyes open, we don't know who did this or if they're still nearby.”

“I will, I'll check the horses again for clues then I'll come back.”

 

* * *

 

Half an hour passed and still there was no word from Oin. Thorin, Dis, Balin and Dwalin (who had returned after checking the horses and helping organise the search parties) had been given a room to wait in but all four were restless, ears straining for any noises from the youngest Durin, or constantly going and waiting for a healer to leave the room in order to corner them for information. Worryingly they’d also had no word from any of the patrols currently out searching with information on their missing heir.

The door opened and Oin walked in, a cloth in his hands to wipe off the blood.

“How is he?” Dís asked immediately as she pushed off her seat.

“He's alive, in bad shape but he’ll live. I’ll explain his injuries later but the small dose of poppy milk I gave him will start wearing off shortly so he’ll start stirring, if you need to talk to him, now would be the time before I give him a stronger dose.”

Thorin nodded and hurried down the hall, the others hot on his tail. When they reached Kíli’s room a hush fell over them, Thorin opening the door quietly and they all slipped in. A quiet sob escaped Dís’ lips as she hurried to her son’s side.

Kíli looked awful. He’d been moved to a bed to keep him comfortable, and as they got closer they could see he was incredibly pale; his skin colour only a shade darker than the white sheets he was laying on. His cheeks were flushed, his entire face shining with sweat and causing his hair to stick to his skin. They’d tucked him under several thick blankets, and with the fire that was crackling away in the hearth to help him sweat out the fever his skin was hot to the touch.

A healer was currently replacing the cloth on his forehead with a colder one, and she promptly moved aside when Dís sat on the edge of the bed.

“He’s burning,” she whispered shakily, gently pulling his hair up and away from his neck to tie it in a messy pony tail to help keep him cool.

Kíli whimpered in his unconsciousness, beads of what Thorin thought was sweat trickling down his cheeks.

“How bad Oin?” Balin asked in a whisper.

“Well he -”

“Fee...” Kíli whispered.

“Kíli? Its Oin, can you open your eyes lad?” The healer said as he hurried to the table and clasped his hand.

“Fee... Please” Kíli whimpered again.

“C'mon darling open your eyes!”

Kíli turned his head slightly into Dís’ touch before he let out a sob. “Don't leave me Fee, please.”

Thorin grasped his nephews face gently and stroked his thumbs over his cheeks. “Kíli, focus on my voice alright? I need you to open your eyes; we need to know what happened.”

Several moments passed before Kíli’s eyes slowly cracked open, his face set in a pained grimace just from the slightest of movements. “Uncle,” he whimpered. “Fíli? Where is he?”

“We don’t know, Kíli; we need you to tell us what happened, where were you camping?” he asked gently.

Kíli’s eyes rolled backwards as he struggled to hold on to consciousness “Fee...” He sobbed. “The... Lookout,” he choked out, eyes snapping open and looking around unseeing “At… Lookout... FEE!” He cried brokenly before going still once more.

Thorin motioned for Balin and Dwalin to follow him from the room, leaving Dís to watch over her son.

“Recall the patrols, I want you to get Gloin, Bofur, Bifur and fifteen others and meet me at the gates in ten minutes, fully armed on horses. We’re bringing him home.” Balin and Dwalin nodded before hurrying off, Thorin turning to head back to Kíli's room.  
   
He placed a gentle hand on Dís’ shoulder when he arrived, and she looked at him with red eyes.  
   
“We’ll bring him back Dís, you’ll see.”  
   
She nodded and wiped away a stray tear. “Good luck.”  
   
Hopefully they wouldn't need it.


	5. The Aftermath

**A/N Hello again everybody! Sorry for the slight cliff hanger last chapter, unfortunately things kind of get worse this chapter, but hang in there, not all hope is lost! Lots of Thorin feels for you though, so hopefully that will sate you all until the next chapter :)**

**Special thanks to[MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 14 guests who've kudosed and commented, you guys are awesome! **

**Also if you'd like another Hobbit story I've just finished one about Fili when he was little, its called "It Only Takes A Lie" so check it out!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

Ten minutes and twenty soldiers later found Thorin and his men thundering down the road, the guard bell ringing in their wake to tell the other patrols to get back to the town. Thorin drowned out the sound, praying that Fíli was waiting for someone to come get him. He knew hoping that he’d be unscathed would be too farfetched considering Kíli's injury, but he prayed that any injuries he’d suffered would be minor enough that he could respond when they called out to him.

They drew level with the narrow and partially concealed dirt track that led to the lookout. Thorin jumped out of his saddle before tying his horse to one of the trees, his companions copying his movements. “We’re on foot from here,” he informed them in a whisper, “I want us to have the element of surprise when we go in.”

He made sure all his weapons were secure before nodding to his men and setting off down the trail, fingers grasping the hilt of his blade in a white knuckled grip. He wasn’t a hundred percent sure why he was surprised that this was where the lads would camp for their last night, after all this was a spot that they’d found many years ago when they had run off for the day when they decided lessons weren’t as important as having fun. The dressing down they’d been given for terrifying him and Dís with their disappearance had still been worth their discovery.

Apparently.

Admittedly it was a beautiful place; a small clearing hidden in the trees not too far in, a small stream that ran nearby and there was a path that led to the cliffs not too far away. The boys had taken him and Dís there one night, and the thousands of stars that littered the night sky made for one of the most beautiful nights they’d ever spent outdoors, and was made even more spectacular with the fire moon that appeared.

They moved quickly and quietly through the bush before the smell of burnt wood and metal reached them. They reached the edge of the clearing, and Thorin raised his hand to stop his men.

“Something’s wrong,” Dwalin murmured in his ear when he appeared at his shoulder.

Thorin nodded, he had already known something was wrong the moment he had spotted the clearing through the trees. The first problem was the silence; there wasn’t a sound to be heard, even the birds were quiet. In fact, the only kind of sound near him was the heavy breathing of his companions. The second problem was the darkness; while there was some natural light from the moon, there was no campfire to guide them which would make it harder to find Fíli and figure out what had happened.

He motioned for the others to move forward, keeping a strong grip on his sword. He paused when he felt his boot slip in something, but it was too dark to tell what.

“Gloin, light the camp fire,” he whispered, just making out a thin silver stream of smoke nearby.

Gloin grunted in response, manoeuvring around the rocks in his path. He brushed away the dirt that had been thrown on top to put it out before pulling out his flint and getting to work. Everyone else still stood with their swords drawn, not wanting to be taken by surprise. After a few muttered curses there was a flash of light, Gloin harrumphing in victory as the clearing lit up.

Thorin looked around and thought he might be sick, it wasn't rocks or logs that littered in the clearing; it was bodies, Orc bodies.

“SPREAD OUT AND FIND HIM!” He yelled. “FÍLI! FÍLI LAD WHERER ARE YOU?!” He looked around desperately, looking for any sign of his nephew, any indication where he might have gone that was safe enough to keep him alive.

There were cries of Fíli’s name that echoed throughout the clearing, but never was there any response.

 

“Anything!?” Thorin cried helplessly when his own searching came up empty.

“Nothing!” Cried several of his men who were turning over bodies or looking in the surrounding forest.

“Thorin… over here.”

The hollowness in Dwalin’s voice had Thorin spinning on his heel and racing over to his shield brother. When he reached his side Dwalin didn't even turn to his friend, he only stared at the ground in front of him.

He followed Dwalin’s eye line before letting out a choked sob and falling to his knees. There, in front of them surrounded by four orcs bodies was a large pool of congealing blood littered with pieces of flesh and bone, with two very familiar swords in the middle.

Thorin crawled forward, ignorant of the sticky blood that was seeping into his tunic and reached forward, tenderly scooping up the blood stained golden braids that had been hacked off and left behind, the bloodied silver beads the only thing holding them together. A devastated cry tore its way from his throat and hot tears stung his eyes, making it difficult to see. Dwalin placed a shaking hand on his friend’s shoulder even as he curled in on himself, clutching the braids to his chest while he fought for breath.

The cry had drawn the others in; Balin the first to arrive only to stop at the sight that greeted him. His eyes scanned the scene with horror, a hand covering his mouth as he pointed with a shaking hand to something just beyond the pool of blood. Dwalin followed his brother’s finger and his grip tightened on Thorin’s shoulder at the sight, a strangled moan escaping his lips.

There, lying as though discarded, were the remnants of Fíli's coat.

The jacket, or rather what was left of it, was only recognisable because of the colour of the leather and what little that remained of the fur that adorned the trim. The coat that had seen countless winters and hunting parties, the coat that had belonged to Frerin many years ago and had been gifted to Fíli when he began his training and swore to wear it with pride… nothing salvageable remained.

The others had abandoned their searches and gathered behind their mourning King, their own hearts breaking at the grief so clearly visible on his face and the knowledge that they had lost a precious treasure that night, surely two, when Kíli learnt of his brother’s death.

“Thorin,” Balin whispered brokenly. “We shouldn’t stay here.”

“Give ‘im a moment Balin, for pity’s sake,” Dwalin choked out, tightening his hold on his friend’s shoulder, not knowing how else to comfort him.

After several moments Thorin raised his head, his eyes bloodshot yet the tears gone. When he spoke it was with a steady but quiet voice, a voice that had been used far too often in his lifetime. “Balin, Dwalin, collect what you can of Fíli’s belongings, he would want those he loves to do it. Gloin, get the others to pile the carcasses and burn them outside the forest, I don’t want these foul beast’s tainting this area any more than they already have.”

“Come on lads, let’s get a move on,” Gloin murmured to the men beside him. A series of murmured “ayes” were heard as the soldiers spread out to carry out their task in silence in respect for their mourning King and fallen Prince.

With a heavy heart Balin moved to pick up a blanket from the medical supplies they’d brought with them, then with Dwalin’s help the pair set about picking up what they could find that belonged to the boys. Dwalin had picked up and moved the two packs that, despite a bit of blood staining the cloth had been strangely left behind before joining his brother in trying to find as much of Fíli’s clothing, or anything else of his, as they could.

Tragically, not much of Fíli remained; only tatters of clothing could be found but they were placed delicately into the blanket all the same, and any flesh they found was placed in a small jar, hidden away out of respect for his family and for burial later.

Once everything had been collected and stowed away  Balin and Dwalin turned to look at the last items that needed collecting, and they were the most painful to do.

How often had Dwalin or other opponents tried to knock them out of Fíli’s hands to beat him at training? How many hours had Fíli spent cleaning, polishing, and sharpening them? Pouring love and care into the blades that were an extension of himself? Now his beloved twin falchions would never feel a whetting stone across their blade or a polishing cloth from his hands again.

Dwalin swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat as he stepped forward, feeling sick that it was the blood that had pumped so strongly through the young heir not hours before that was coating the bottom of his boots.

And it would have to be cleaned off, washed away like the owner had never mattered.

The pommels glinted at him as he picked them up delicately by the blade, not wanting to touch the handles for fear he'd be able to feel the ghost of Fíli’s touch in his final moments; fighting manically, ferociously, but despite his best efforts still unable to reach his brother. He shook his head to clear it of the painful thoughts, grateful he had his back to the others to allow the single tear that had escaped to slip into his beard unseen.

He stepped back through the blood the way he’d come, not wanting to disturb any more of it before crouching down next to the waiting blanket, lowering the swords into the centre. Once he was happy with their positioning he stepped back and Balin crouched down beside him, folding up the end where the tips of the blades were before wrapping the sides around the swords and leather, trapping them in a cocoon.

With a nod to his brother Balin scooped the blanket up and stood, patting his younger brother on the shoulder before turning to face Thorin, only, he wasn't where he’d been moments before. Balin looked around quickly, shoulders sagging slightly in relief when he spotted him disappearing back down the path they’d taken. He and Dwalin made to follow him, but before they could Gloin appeared at their side.

“I can’t imagine what he’s going through,” Gloin sighed, “what he’s going to go through.” All three of them watching Thorin's retreating form with sad eyes, knowing there was nothing they could say or do that would make the loss any easier.

“No one can really understand the pain of losing a child,” Balin agreed sadly. “He helped Dís raise them after all, they’re like his sons.” Might as well have been, in fact. After Dís lost her husband the boys had looked to Thorin, relied on him to show them how to be the best warriors, and Dwarves, they could be.

“I know, I can’t imagine losing Gimli, all I’ve been thinking about since we got here was what if had been him?” Gloin sighed, before focussing on the task at hand. “We’ve moved the orc carcasses from the forest; they’re now outside the tree line. The warg’s we'll have to come back to do with horses as they’re too heavy to by ourselves. Or do you think it’s better we burn the carcasses now?”

Dwalin shook his head. “Don’t do it yet. Wait ‘til they’re all shifted and we’ll burn 'em together, I don’t think anyone has the energy fer much else tonight.” When Balin made a noise of agreement he nodded and clapped his two companions on the shoulders lightly. “Call everyone back, we’ll go back to the horse’s together, give Thorin some time alone.”

Gloin nodded before moving to fetch the others and leaving Balin and Dwalin to stand there in silence, not knowing what to say to each other.

They figured their grief spoke enough for the pair of them.

                                                                                               

* * *

 

Further into the bush, away from prying eyes Thorin stumbled on the path, falling to one knee whilst a silent sob tore through him and tears streamed down his face. He gasped for breath, just willing his lungs and aching heart to function properly, to allow him to try and restore his stoic façade before anyone saw him. He held his right hand to his chest, fist sitting directly on his heart cradling the braids and beads he had yet to release in the hope they brought some kind of comfort.

Fíli was gone; the bright, protective, even-tempered, eager to learn, trouble making, friendly, kind hearted and loving dwarf that had been the first light in his dark world for so long, one of the two most precious children in his life that he'd helped his sister raise since their father had died was gone.

And he still had to tell his sister, he still had to tell Kíli.

He choked back another sob at the thought of Kíli; his wild, carefree and loving nephew, who even now was fighting for his life had lost his other half, his partner in crime, his best friend in the most horrific way possible. He thought his heart would stop just from thinking about the look of grief that would be on his youngest nephews face when he found out, and all he wished he could do was take the pain away, bring Fíli back to spare them both the heartbreak this night had brought.

Quiet voices behind indicated the others were on their way. He inhaled deeply through his nose as he stood, making his way quickly to his pony whilst drying his eyes. He would pull himself together and he would be strong for his family to help get them through this.

He’d look after them for Fíli if it was the last thing he did.

 


	6. My Many Regrets

**A/N: Hello Everyone! Sorry for the update delay, I had a few issues with the start of this chapter, I'm always nervous about bringing in a new OC, this character is crucial to the story, so please don't hate her too much. And yes I know, her name isn't very Elven, but all will be explained later on. I hope you all come to love her :)**

**Unfortunately updates are going to be much more slow coming, I've started back at uni so I will update where I can, but I'm on my final 6 months which are set to be incredibly busy. Thankfully I have a few more chapters written so I can work slowly on it, I just hope you don't lose interest as I have much planned for my poor boys :)**

**Special thanks to[marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as 19 guests who kudos'd and commented, you guys are awesome!  **

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

Pain, white-hot burning pain was all he felt when his mind first struggled to grasp onto some form of consciousness. Surely the knives that had been plunged into his skin, which were slowly moving downwards and splitting him wide open would cease soon and allow death to claim him quickly.

But despite his wishful thinking it seemed it wasn't meant to be, and after what felt like days of agony the pain exploded in his head, blanking it and allowing him to slip into blissful sleep.

 

The second time he woke it was like attempting to walk through knee deep mud, trying to fight to some kind of coherency, to do anything other than be stuck in this eternal darkness. And the heat, oh Mahal how it _burned_! Never in his life had he thought heat like this would be possible for any living being to experience; only a fire at a forge could possibly burn at this temperature, but no.

It seemed he was wrong.

Through the pain and the fire snatches of dreams whirled through his mind. Or, were they dreams? Could they be memories? He wasn't sure anymore.

_Get him out of here!_

_Love you Kíli, always…_

_FEE!_

Fíli gasped, drawing much needed air into his burning lungs as his brother’s horrified cry stabbed through him like a knife. He felt weak and incredibly light headed from blood loss, every tiny movement he made sending bolts of eye watering agony coursing through him. He grit his teeth, trying to focus enough to numb the pain, but even that made him feel as though he was burning alive.

His eyes snapped open, or, at least he thought they had. He blinked a few times but his vision stayed black. A whimper escaped his lips, what if he'd gone blind? What if –

Something soft wiped over his face before a finger was placed over his lips. He frowned, he hadn't made that much noise had he? Before he could think much on it something was lifted slightly from around his eyes. He blinked a few times as his vision swam into focus, squinting up at the face that hovered above him. The person was blurry and certainly didn't look like anyone he knew, but before he could do anything they raised the finger covering his lips to theirs before looking over their shoulder, replacing the blindfold hastily.

“I’m taking him to the stream,” the female that was apparently attached to the blurry face said to someone firmly.

There was a snarl in response which made him freeze completely. He recognised that noise; he’d been fighting the creatures that made it not long ago. Orcs; and it appeared that this female was helping them.

Before he could say anything, something happened making the female gasp in pain and the Orc to hiss again.

“You ain’ takin’ ‘im anywhere, elf-scum.”

“You made me heal him when he was on the verge of death. I would rather have let him die to spare him what you’ll put him through, but seeing as I am unable to do that I am going to do what I see fit to keep him alive and if that means taking him to the stream then that is what I will do. Besides I can hardly run off.” The response was angry, but firm, but even that was taken quickly when another yelp of pain escaped her lips.

“Why inne awake yet?”

“Shall I run you through with a sword so we can see how quickly you recover?”

A hard slap above him had him twitching in shock as heavy footsteps moved away, angry muttering fading with them. He lay completely still, not sure what to expect when he felt a hand on his shoulder; it was light and gentle, mindful of any wounds he might have there. The grip became firm, easing him up slightly before an arm slid behind his back causing him to groan as the pain and fire ripped through him again.

“Shh shh, I’m sorry.” The female said again. There was a rattle before another arm was slipped under his legs and he was lifted gently from the ground. Being in the air didn’t help, in fact it made it worse, but he bit his lip to stop any other noises escaping.

Whoever the female carrying him was was gentle, and her strides were smooth which meant he wasn’t jostled once. Through the haze in his mind he noticed that the noise that had been nearby faded until it was just a quiet buzz in the background.

He was lowered onto a thick patch of grass that cushioned his body, and to his relief his fingers touched a rock that he slid into his palm slowly so as not to draw attention. Fighting to stay awake he waited, mindful of the fact his body was still screaming in pain until he felt and heard the female hovering and swung his fist, rock and all upwards to where she should be.

There was a satisfying crunch and a cry of surprise as Fíli yanked the cloth off of his eyes and sat up, crying out and clutching at his head as waves of nausea washed over him. Vision still blurry, he could only just make out the form of the female hunched over next him and he raised the rock high, hoping that if he disabled her he would be able to escape before the Orcs noticed.

She looked up just as he went to swing again and grabbed his wrist, holding it in mid-air making him gasp in agony as the movement caused a wound in his side to suddenly tear open again. Using her free hand she pried the rock from his grasp before dropping it out of his reach.

“Enough! You were gravely injured and will die on me if you do not allow me to finish treating you.”

“I don't need the help of an Orc friend!” He spat, breathing heavily through his teeth as the pain in his side got worse.

“I am no Orc friend,” the elf growled back, glaring at him before she stood and moved away from him to a little pile of what looked to be supplies.

Now that she was away from him Fíli collapsed back onto the grass with a cry, fighting wave after dizzying wave that left him trembling and gasping for breath. “Please,” he whimpered, “please I need to find my brother; I need to make sure he’s okay.”

The elf returned with a bag in her hand and sat next to him. “I am sorry, but you are too badly wounded to even think about standing, let alone anything else.”

Fíli shook his head and tried to sit up again only to let out a cry of agony and fall sideways as he vomited blood and bile. He whimpered and rolled onto his back when he stopped, his throat now burning from the acid.

He knew he needed to leave, but he truly felt awful as his body felt as though it was on fire, every movement he made torture. Shivers were constantly wracking his body and he could barely focus on what the elf was saying; the only thought he could focus on was _Kíli, have to find Kíli._

“What is your name?” The elf asked him gently, pulling several plants from her small bag and sticking them in her mouth, chewing quickly before removing the pulp from her mouth and mixing it with some water to create a paste.

“Fíli,” he groaned, fisting the grass as pain tore through his already weak body once more. “You?”

“Amber.”

Amber placed a cool hand on his forehead and grimaced. “A fever has already set in. I need to heal you now if you are to survive and I am afraid it is going to hurt. A lot.”

Without giving him a chance to answer she pushed the first lot of paste directly into the large wound on his side that was visible through his torn clothing. Fíli screamed, grabbing at the grass as he writhed around, trying to push away her hands that were pinning him down.  
   
“KÍLI! SAVE ME!” He screamed before his eyes rolled back into his head and he knew no more.

                                                                                               

* * *

 

When Balin and Dwalin arrived at the road it was to find Thorin already on his pony, facing towards Ered Luin and away from them all. The pair looked at each other before walking towards their friend, noticing the others had appeared and were also mounting their horses.

Balin stopped at Thorin’s side. “These belong to you, to your family. It is only right that you should carry them.”

Thorin kept looking straight ahead as though he hadn't heard him.

“Thorin?” Balin said quietly, touching his friend’s knee to try and elicit some kind of response.

Thorin squeezed his eyes shut, a single tear rolling down his face into his beard. He turned and looked at the brothers with tortured eyes before holding out his arms silently. Balin thought his heart would break at the broken dwarf before him and almost decided against handing the bundle over, but he knew he had no right to change his mind, especially if it would bring him this tiny comfort.

With a heavy heart he placed the bundle in Thorin’s arms, noticing the closed fist with the bloodied golden braids poking out. When he let go Thorin pulled the bundle up, hugging it to his chest and looking ahead as a blank and distant look settled onto his face.

He turned away and followed Dwalin to the ponies, grabbing his brother’s arm to stop him from mounting. “Dwalin,” he said in a low voice “stick with Thorin. He shouldn’t be alone right now and I think you’re the only one he’ll respond to.”

“Aye, you know I will.”

Balin looked around at the solemn group and sighed. “Let’s go home,” he said quietly, nudging his pony to the head of the group.

Dwalin manoeuvred his pony until he was next to Thorin who was waiting for the others to leave, holding his head high but never once releasing the firm grip on the precious cargo he now held. A wide gap had formed before Thorin finally encouraged his pony to follow the rest, Dwalin staying right by his side.

Minutes passed in silence. He kept casting sideways looks at Thorin who hadn’t moved once and hadn’t weakened his hold on the blanket or the braids either. Finally he looked fully at his best friend and let out a sigh. “Thorin -”

“Don’t, Dwalin,” Thorin said cutting him off with a quiet voice. “Just don’t. There is nothing you can say that will change what happened, nothing you can say that can bring him back. I failed my family, I failed him.” His voice broke at that and he squeezed his eyes closed, looking away from his friend.

Dwalin blanched at his friend’s words. “You didn’t fail your family and you certainly didn’t fail that boy. Fíli loved you, Thorin, you meant everything to him! And don’t you dare tell me you should have done more for his training!” He growled, cutting his friend off when his mouth opened. “You and I both know he and Kíli were well ahead of their years when it came to their training, I’ve yet to meet another swordsman who can fight with dual swords as naturally as what he could, nor have I met a dwarven archer who could hope to match Kíli, and I’ve never met a pair deadlier when they fight together as those two.”

“I failed him, Dwalin! I was supposed to step down and give Fíli the throne when we reclaimed Erebor and my rule had come to an end, I was supposed to see his coronation before my time was up, I was supposed to hold his and Kíli’s children and tell them stories when old age had rendered me useless for all else. Supposed supposed supposed! All these things I was _supposed_ to do and now never can because I let my guard down, allowed myself to feel safe for the first time in a long time!” Thorin shouted angrily, ignoring the sad glances thrown back at him from the dwarves further up the path.

He took a deep breath and sighed. “Too long have I held him and Kíli at arm’s length, treating them just as heirs rather than nephews. It didn’t matter how much it broke my heart when they thought they had to ask permission to talk to me rather than throw themselves at me as they once did, I had to protect them. Now it is something I cannot fix but must instead carry as another failure of myself.”

Dwalin moved his pony so she cut Thorin off and he came up alongside him, allowing him to glare at his friend directly rather than side on. He grabbed his shoulders and looked at him in the eye, giving him a little shake as he did so. “You cannot blame yourself, Thorin. It is an empty and inaccurate guilt, one you must learn to let go off because there is another dwarf who will need you more than ever.”

“Kíli,” Thorin murmured lowering his eyes and hugging the blanket to him.

“Yes, Kíli. When that boy wakes up and learns his brother’s gone he is going to need every bit of support he can get to even think about getting through this. I’ve always known that if one of them goes the other will attempt to follow, I won’t allow that to happen and I know you won’t either,” he said, barely repressing a shiver at the thought of losing Kíli as well. “He’ll blame himself for what happened and he’ll need you more than ever to get through this. We'll get through this, one day and one step at a time.”

Thorin let out a weak chuckle. “When did you become so wise?”

“Since Balin told me to look after you. Don’t worry, all this wiseness will probably be gone by tomorrow,” he chuckled. He moved his pony around the back of Thorin's and drew up alongside him. “You need to grieve, everyone does, but we'll be there for you every step of the way. You’re not alone.”

Thorin gave a tiny nod and the pair nudged the ponies to follow the rest of their group back to town.

                                                                                              

* * *

* * *

 

The rest of the trip passed in silence. Thorin had kept his distance from the rest of the group, only Dwalin had stuck by him and he was grateful for the silent support. The quiet gave him time to think about what he’d say to Dís and eventually Kíli about what they had found; he knew they’d have to talk about it eventually, they deserved to know exactly how their son and brother had fallen.

Thorin looked up when a cry of “open the gates” echoed through the air. The subdued group entered, Thorin and Dwalin kicking their ponies to catch up and pass the group to head straight for the healers. He needed to get to Dís; he needed to get to his family so they could mourn and work through this dark time together.

Thorin left Balin to deal with anyone who was waiting for news, knowing he would join them as soon as he'd sent them away with the promise of a town meeting in the morning to inform everyone of what had happened, but more importantly after his sister had been told. They approached the Healers House quickly, and a dwarf who had been outside smoking his pipe looked up when he heard the horses and dashed inside.

He slowed his pony and climbed off, never loosening his grip on the items he held and walked forward, spotting a dark haired dwarf dashing past a window and seconds later Dís came hurrying outside. Inhaling deeply, he mentally prepared himself for the myriad of emotions Dís was bound to go unleash any moment.

“Thorin!” His sister cried as she hurtled towards him. “Thorin, where is he?! Where is my baby?!” She came to a sudden stop in front of him, black hair wild and dark eyes searching his face frantically.

“I’m so sorry Dís,” he whispered, shifting the blankets so she could see the hilts of Fíli's falchions.

Dís looked at the bundle in her brothers’ arms in horror, her face paling as she fixed rapidly watering brown eyes on him. “No,” she whispered brokenly. “Tell me it isn’t true.”

Thorin lowered his eyes, unable to look at the raw grief on his sisters’ face.

“No,” she moaned

“Dís...”

“NononononoNO!” She wailed, breaking into sobs and grabbing onto Thorin as her knees gave out, dragging him down with her. Thorin dropped the bundle and wrapped his sister in his arms and Dís buried her face in his shoulder, crying and beating her fists against his shoulders in devastation.

Thorin rested a hand on the back of her head, running his fingers over her hair as he squeezed his own eyes shut against the fresh tears that started overflowing. He buried his face into her neck, trying to stifle the fresh sobs that began to break free and noticed that Dís was no longer hitting him but had instead curled her hands into his tunic, holding onto him tightly. It was with heavy hearts that Dwalin, several dwarves from the Healing House and Balin, who had joined them just as Dís appeared, watched the two heirs of Durin grieve for their lost child.

It felt like an age had passed before the sobs wracking Dís’ body subsided, and only quiet sniffles could be heard as Thorin continued to hold her. He kissed her temple before resting his forehead against hers, letting out a quiet sigh and looking her in the eye.

“Oh Dís, what I would give to change what happened... We will get through this, I promise.” He whispered softly.

“I don’t know what to do Thorin,” she admitted quietly, hiccupping slightly. “I never thought I’d have to go through this again.”

“We will get each other through this; we will get Kíli through this,” he vowed. “He will need us more than ever before and I will not allow him to pull away and disappear inside himself, I can’t lose him as well.”

Dís nodded, sniffing softly before releasing her hold on Thorin’s clothes and pulling back to dry her eyes. Thorin cupped his sister’s face and kissed her forehead gently before scooping up the blanket and looked at her. “These should go to Kíli.”

She nodded, running her thumb along the red gold braids she now held in her hand, suddenly feeling older beyond her years. Her mourning was far from over, but it was something she would do privately, away from pitying eyes and in an attempt to show a brave face to their people, for her beloved lion.

But for now she had to look after her injured raven, nurse him back to health from his injuries.

But more importantly, she had to try to help repair their broken hearts.

 


	7. Waking To A Nightmare

**A/N: Hello everyone! So I decided to post a chapter for you as there's been hardly any stories updated over the last couple of days, only then did I remember when proof reading this that the San Diego Comic-Con is currently on and all you lucky buggars in the States are probably there. CURSE YOU ALL! Stuck in NZ and I can't go! I hope you guys had an amazing time. So between homework and school I've been diligently working on the story. You know how you write a chapter, then re-read it a few days later and think 'this doesn't fit into blahs personality', then decide to re-write it to try and make it sound better, only to go back a week later and go 'what was I thinking?! This is so off the mark!' FOUR TIMES! Four flaming times I've re-written the next chapter as I just haven't been satisfied with it, but I'm happy with the way it's written now and the character reactions, so hopefully I'll have it completed soon and coming your way.**

**See PJ, I can give a chapter so where's the damn trailer?!**

**Anyway special thanks to[MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) and the 22 guest who've commented or Kudosed, you guys are awesome! **

****As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien** **

 

* * *

 

Dís stood and took a deep breath, allowing a mask of calm to overtake her features as she looked to the part of the Healing House she knew held her son. She couldn’t let her grief overcome her, not now, not when her youngest (and now only) would be suffering a whirlwind of emotions as he struggled to come to terms with this new reality.

Her heart clenched in pain as she walked inside, her mind flooded with memories of when her older brother had Frerin died and how both she and Thorin had reacted, their reactions the complete opposite of the other; hers yelling, screaming and tears whilst Thorin’s was to shut down, barely function or acknowledge his surroundings. Reactions so different yet so similar with the belief their world would never heal; but they had, surprisingly, slowly recovered over time.

But what would it be like for Kíli?

She had always considered herself to have had a close relationship with her brothers, but now she was beginning to understand that it had nothing on what he and Fíli had. If she’d thought back then that she’d never recover, she couldn’t bear to think what Kíli would be like when he found out just what he had lost.

Numbness overtook her limbs as she walked towards her son’s room; she needed him, needed the comfort she knew just being near him could bring. She would do whatever it took to protect him, consequences be damned, but she refused to lose him and shuddered at the thought of her little raven looking so pale and small in that big bed, so unnaturally still.

 _‘Oh Kíli’_ , she thought sadly, ‘ _I would give anything to spare you the grief you will go through my love.’_

When they arrived at Kíli’s room they found his door shut but could hear talking inside. Dís looked at Thorin, who had stayed close behind her silently with a worried frown, Kíli had been deeply unconscious when she left her son’s side not too long ago, so who would be talking in there now? Before she could say anything the door opened and Oin walked out, a look of relief on his face when he spotted the pair.

“His fever is making him sweat out the poppy milk too quickly,” Oin said in way of greeting. “I had hoped he’d stay under longer to get some rest but the lad has always been stubborn at the best of times. I was actually about to come get you as he’s starting to struggle and if he keeps it up he’s in danger of pulling his stitches and bleeding to death. He -”

There was a yell causing all three of them to look at his door in alarm before Oin wrenched it open and dashed inside, Dís and Thorin close behind.

At the bed two healers were trying to pin Kíli’s flailing arms down whilst a third was attempting to give him something to drink, but Kíli kept turning his head away every time the healer came near.

“This is ridiculous!” The healer with the cup yelled in frustration after Kíli head-butted the cup out of his hands. “Master Kíli, you need the poppy milk!”

“I n-need my b-brother!” He cried back weakly with renewed struggles, panting as the pain made his vision white out momentarily.

Thorin carefully placed the bundle he’d taken back from Dís onto a chair and raced over, he and sister taking over from the healers to try and calm the panicking dwarf.

“Although his struggles indicate otherwise, he's not fully coherent,” one of the healers told him quietly.

“Understood.”

Upon hearing his Uncle’s voice Kíli's eyes snapped open and darted around unseeingly. “Uncle,” he whimpered, face contorting in pain as the stitches in his stomach pulled again. “Uncle?”

“Shhh, Kíli,” Dís soothed, her voice wavering as she ran a hand over he son’s burning forehead. It killed her seeing him like this; injured and afraid - not knowing what was going on. “You need to relax or you’re going to hurt yourself even more.”

“Mama, where's Fee?” He asked weakly, blinking rapidly to try and clear his vision so he could bring into focus the two blurry shapes above him.

“He’s... He’s not here right now Kíli,” Thorin answered quietly. He had almost revealed Fíli's fate then and there, but the look of terror that had appeared in Kíli's hazed eyes when he paused, he couldn’t bring himself to do it, not yet.

Kíli’s whirling mind tried to grasp onto what his Uncle had just said. Something wasn't right; Fíli wouldn’t just be absent when he was injured and in pain. Fíli had never left him when he needed him the most. The pain in his stomach brought back memories of how the injuries happened, but at the forefront of his mind was seeing his golden brother disappear under a sea of grey and black bodies.

That moment the healer returned with another cup of poppy milk. “You need to drink this,” he said firmly as he pushed the cup against Kíli's lips.

Kíli may have been injured, but his fight hadn't lessened any; in fact it had just engulfed every corner of his mind in his desperation to get to his brother. He realised Fíli wasn’t there for him because he had to be lying in another room, needing Kíli but unable to get to him. He yanked his arm free from Thorin’s slackened grip and slammed his injured arm into the cup with a feral snarl, sending it crashing to the floor.

“Fíli!” He cried out. “FÍLI! I’m - get _off_ me! I’m coming!” He yelled, struggling desperately to free himself from his mother’s and Uncle’s hold.

“Kíli! Please stop!” Dís begged hysterically, trying to hold her son’s flailing limbs. “Stop moving!”

“Kíli-” Thorin let out a grunt as one of his nephews fists connected with the side of his face.

“I WANT FÍLI!” Kíli cried as the echoes of clashing swords rang in his ears. “WHERE IS MY BROTHER?!”

“Kíli! Stop moving! You’re going to hurt yourself more!” Thorin yelled, contemplating lying across his nephew to pin him down. But his comment didn't deter his nephew, if anything it made him struggle more. Dís was barely holding it together and he wasn’t sure how much longer Kíli’s stitches would hold out.

“I WANT MY BROTHER!”

“Stop moving!”

“WHERE IS HE?!”

“HE’S DEAD!”

The room instantly went still, only the merrily crackling fire and the heavy panting from both Thorin and Kíli could be heard. Thorin stared down at his frozen nephew. Wide, horrified brown eyes framed by a pale face looked back at him, as though they were waiting for a smile, a chuckle, something to tell him that it was only a joke.

He swallowed, lowering his voice until it was but a murmur. “Kíli...”

His name is what broke him out of his shock. He started trembling, his eyes filling with tears and bottom lip quivering as he shook his head. “No,” he whimpered. “No, you’re lying!”

Thorin grabbed Kíli’s face lightly. “I’m so sorry Kíli, I wish I was. He...” He broke off with a sob, unable to finish his sentence.

“He’s not dead! HE WOULDN’T LEAVE ME!” Kíli screamed back, the mere thought of Fíli no longer existing too horrendous to even contemplate.

He stroked a thumb over his cheek, turning his head so they were looking at each other once more, if only to show Kíli how desperate he was for him to believe him. “We got to your camp Kíli, it was… a bloodbath. There was nothing left of him except for his braids and swords. I’m so sorry Kíli but there’s... There’s nothing left. He’s gone.”

“DON’T LIE TO ME!” Kíli screamed. He punched out at Thorin, collecting him in the eye sending him reeling from the bed in surprise and tore his arm from his mother’s grasp. He sat up quickly; crying in pain as some of the stitches finally tore from the sudden movement and threw himself off the bed onto his knees.

Thorin recovered quickly and threw himself at the young dwarf to stop him crawling away and making his injuries worse. He grabbed him around his chest and pulled him flush against him, narrowly avoiding the head that was slammed backwards in the fight for freedom. He wrapped one of his arms around the squirming dwarf so he could pin Kíli's forearms to his sides, and tried to use his other hand to hold his head against his shoulder.

Kíli squirmed and hissed and spat like a trapped animal, wanting to be rid of the prison he’d been caught in. When he realised he couldn’t get free he did the only thing he could do, he screamed and howled at the agony in his heart, cursing Mahal and Aüle and every other higher being out there for taking his brother from him, the one person who was meant to stay by his side forever.

Dís fell to her knees beside her family, sobbing uncontrollably as the tears flowed freely down her face. She tried to lay her hand on her screaming son’s head but pulled back quickly when he jerked his head backwards once more. “Kíli please!” She sobbed, “Sweet heart… please...”

It was in this moment that Oin appeared with the third cup for the evening. “Hold his head Thorin.” the healer instructed calmly as he crouched at Thorin’s side.

Thorin nodded and trapped Kíli's head in the crook of his neck with his palm, tightening his hold to keep him in place. He placed his temple against the top of the brown hair and squeezed his eyes shut against the tears that were threatening to spill free, cursing himself for having to hold his grieving nephew down even if it was for the best.

He watched through watery eyes as Oin used Iglishmêk to communicate with Dís where Kíli couldn’t see before he moved forward and gripped Kíli’s jaw, squeezing it so his mouth opened and placed the cup against his lips before pouring the liquid into his mouth. Before Kíli could spit it back out Dís, as instructed, quickly clamped a trembling hand across his mouth and used her other hand to pinch his nose closed. All three dwarves cringed at the look of betrayal in Kíli’s eyes before they eventually saw his throat bob as he swallowed. Dís withdrew her hands quickly, tears pouring down her face as she quietly begged her child for forgiveness for what they were doing. They all knew it was for the best, but that didn’t make it any easier.

The moment his mouth and nose were freed Kíli gasped in the oxygen that had been denied to him before he started screaming again, his lungs beginning to protest as he struggled to breathe. The weight of his Uncle’s arm, the pain in his heart, the knowledge that not only would he never see his brother again, that he couldn’t even _see_ him, for there was nothing for him to beat his fist upon, allow tears to fall onto, or to whisper final prayers and pleading to have him returned made it feel as though the entire world was crashing upon him, and that he was being left to stand upon a desolate plain on his own.

Slowly the poppy milk began to work its magic, and Kíli’s screams began to die down to whimpers and choked sobs as Oin poured the last of the liquid into his mouth, Kíli not even bothering to try and spit it back up. Thorin continued to rock him gently, making soothing noises in his nephew’s ear as he buried his face in the long hair, not wanting the others to see him crying. Eventually even the whimpers stopped as the injured prince finally succumbed to unconsciousness once more.

His brother’s name was the last thing he whimpered before he went limp in Thorin’s arms.

“Alright,” Oin sighed as he began checking Kíli’s stomach wound. “I added some valerian root to the poppy milk which will definitely keep him under for good while. It’s more durable than the poppy milk, harder to sweat out. Now from what I can see I think it’s only the outside stitches that he’s reopened, so let’s get him back onto the bed so I can fix him up.”

Thorin took a deep breath before he nodded and lifted his eyes from the dark locks which were now damp from his tears. With Oin holding the now limp Kíli he extracted himself and picked up his nephew before carrying him over to the bed laying Kíli down gently onto the soft mattress.

Placing a kiss to his hair he put their foreheads together, the movement stirring memories of a time long passed when his barely walking nephew would do the same to him in greeting or in comfort. “I will always catch you Kíli, no matter how far you fall,” he whispered before taking a seat next to the bed, pulling his sister to him as she brought over another chair and hugged her fiercely, refusing to let her go until morn.

 

 


	8. Far From Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fíli finally wakes up. But is this a good thing?

**A/N: Hello everyone! Alrighty *claps hands together* so, here we go. Yes you get a nice long chapter as an apology for a massive gap between updates, but mainly because I kind of wanted to get all of Amber’s background out of the way in one go so we can get onto the good stuff, and there’s good stuff next chapter :D If you don’t like her story I do apologise, but I feel as though something like this is possible in Middle Earth. Besides its important stuff for her to have if we want Fíli to even have a chance of getting to the end of this alive.**

**So after 7 re-reads and 4 partial/full re-writes over the last month I am finally happy with it. I realised I need to edit the first chapter (and probably the others) so when I have time who knows, maybe I’ll fix everything up, but this by far is the hardest chapter I’ve ever had to write, and it’s probably because of the fact I’ve created a brand new character.**

**Also if anyone is confused by the 'times' for this I'll quickly clarify. The boys were attacked at night and Fíli was taken by the Orcs, Kíli to the healers. Basically chapters 1-6 happened in one night, one part after another (you get the idea). Chapter 7 happened sometime the next day, either early hours of the morning or during the day itself, this is based the next night.**

**I hope you guys enjoy it :D**

**Special thanks to[Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 25 guests who've kudosed/commented. You guys are awesome!  **

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

The light of the setting sun clung weakly to the leaves when Fíli began to stir. He moved his arm only to groan quietly at how stiff the muscles had become, and in his barely awake mind he tried to recall what he’d been doing that would give him aches as bad as this, even his training recently hadn’t weakened him this badly. Pushing gingerly on the moss-covered ground he rolled himself onto his back, letting out an unsteady breath as every muscle seemed to scream in protest and it was the pain that summoned the memories of his last awakening from the corners of his mind.

He sat up instantly, only to whimper quietly as everything in his body pulled taught from the sudden movements which forced him to wait until his muscles gave from the new angle. Taking several breaths to calm his racing heart he managed to shift onto his hands and knees, knowing it would be almost impossible to get his body any higher with the pain he was in before crawling forwards. The strange noises floating on the early evening air from behind a large boulder drew him in, his pace slow as he crawled his way over, determined to find out what he was up against.

What he didn’t expect was to see an entire Orc pack directly behind it, nor the Wargs chained to the trees on the opposite side of the clearing. He swallowed in fear of being so close to so many when he was so weak; the only saving grace he had was that most of the Orcs appeared to be asleep, only a few were sitting on the edges of the clearing keeping watch.

‘ _Orc’s can’t travel in daylight’_ , Dwalin’s voice came floating back to him from a lesson long past, and looking up through the gaps of the leaves guessed he only had a little longer before they woke.

He glanced around the clearing quickly as he weighed up his options. The Orcs on watch had their backs to the campsite, their focus instead on the bush ahead as they were unlikely expecting anyone to sneak off.

‘ _Fools,’_ he thought to himself with amusement just as he laid eyes on a gap not too far from where he was hidden. To his relief there was enough room for him to get past without stepping - or kneeling in his case - on an Orc accidentally. With another glance around the clearing and satisfied they wouldn’t notice him he crawled forwards, only to come to a sudden stop when a weight on his neck pulled him backwards.

“I would not attempt that if I were you,” a quiet voice murmured from behind him.

Fíli spun around, only to find the Elf from his hazy memories in front of him, although she didn’t look quite how he thought she had. Cuts, scars and mottled bruises now covered her face and her neck and her hair was patchy in areas; as though sections had be torn away.

The Elf wasn’t looking at him however; she was looking at the ground next to him.

He looked down, only to have his stomach drop in despair. An iron chain lay next to him, leading up his body to fasten around his neck whilst the other end led back to the tree the Elf was sitting in front of, the end wrapped around the trunk before being secured with a heavy iron nail. He tugged at the chain desperately, praying in vain that the nail would just slip free. The Elf sat there watching him silently as he struggled with his bonds, only to give up with a growl of anger as the links rubbed on his neck painfully before looking at the ground in disgust.

“Come,” the Elf said quietly, only to frown slightly when Fíli shook his head.

“I need to get out of here! I can’t stay, I have to go home,” he hissed.

“Escape is impossible, please come here before they discover you are awake,” the Elf insisted again in her quiet voice.

Fíli glared at the Elf who stared back at him impassively, until eventually with a growl of annoyance he crawled back towards her.

‘ _If Uncle Thorin saw me on my knees in front of an Elf…’_ he thought angrily, however he couldn’t help but snort quietly in amusement as he imagined his Uncle’s reaction.

He stopped short of the tree before sitting down to face her, refusing to get closer until he knew if she was a friend or foe. Something in the back of his mind told him he knew the answer, but that thought was shrouded in pain and anger making it hard to focus on.

“Who are you?” He sized up the Elf in front of him suspiciously; if circumstances had been different when they first met he believed she would have been quite beautiful, at least by Elven standards, and if she had been a dwarf he would have had no hesitations attempting to court her. Sadly for him even the thought of finding a partner had been put aside when he began the harder aspects of royal training, but if she had been a Dwarven maiden he knew he would have made an effort; a realisation that surprised him greatly.

He wouldn’t lie that closer inspection of his new companion distressed him greatly. She was skin and bone; any muscle she’d once had would have been one of the first things to diminish, her fair skin barely showing through the dirt and grime that had built up over time and the areas that were somewhat clean were covered in bruises and old scars. Her hair which looked like it might be a tawny gold like his own under all the dirt had been cut or ripped out in places, and looked as though it hadn’t been washed for many months as it hung limp from her shoulders. Her clothing, which once appeared to be made of strong and sturdy material hung like rags on her skinny frame, full of holes and was most likely left on for modesty rather than warmth.

“Amber, at your service,” she replied, dragging Fíli from his musings as she crossed an arm across her chest and brought it out with an open hand.

Fíli couldn’t help but be taken aback at the politeness of the Elf in front of him. Tied to a tree, dried blood on her face and most likely in pain yet she still treated him with respect. He realised she was staring at him and despite the situation couldn’t help the slight blush that rose at his rudeness.

“Fíli, at yours,” he responded, tilting his head slightly only to wince when the movement pulled a muscle in his neck.

“I am glad to see you awake,” Amber admitted. “I was beginning to fear I was too late in healing you, I came close to losing you at the beginning.”

He exhaled slowly at her revelation. “I hadn’t realised how badly injured I was, thank you for saving my life. Perhaps there is one more thing you could do for me?”

“I shall do my best, what is it?”

“Get me out of here,” he demanded.

Amber sighed and looked at the ground. “Fíli, you do not understand, I cannot -”

“No, you don’t understand!” he growled furiously. “My brother is still out there, injured and alone. I’ve never left him before and nothing will stop me from getting back to him, so I suggest you either help me or stay out of my way.”

Her head snapped up and she bristled at his tone. “And how would you suggest you get free? _Hm_?! As you saw there are more Orcs over there than either of us could hope to take on, so how exactly would you suggest we escape when you cannot even stand?!” She hissed back, her eyes darting around to see if they had alerted any of their captors.

“You’re an Elf! Elves are meant to possess magic are they not? So make yourself useful and get us out of here!” he retorted, keeping his voice low when he saw Amber looking around. The last thing he wanted was to draw attention to himself right before he tried to escape.

Amber cursed him in her own tongue. “You ungrateful whelp!” she snapped. “If I truly possessed the ability to melt metal to free myself, do you not think that perhaps I would have been free already?”

The pair glared at each other for a long time, chests heaving in anger. Eventually Fíli cursed and turned away. He took several deep breaths, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to calm down. When he was sure he had relaxed somewhat he looked back at her apologetically.

“I’m sorry,” he forced out. “I never intended to imply that you were here by choice. It’s just that, my brother, Kíli…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Kíli, he’s my little brother and he was with me when we were attacked. From the moment he was born I swore I’d protect him and I managed to get him away but he was hurt and I-”

His voice wavered as a single tear trickled down his cheek. “I don’t know if he made it home. I need to go back, to see if he’s alive because he means everything to me and I don’t know what I’d do if he d- if he didn’t make it.”

He closed his eyes, ashamed at the wetness he could feel trailing down his cheeks but he made no move to wipe them away. He didn’t want to think about if he’d been too late to save his brother, his other half having died because he’d been too slow to protect him. He would give anything then and there to know Kíli was still alive.

The fight drained out of Amber as she watched the golden haired dwarf cry silently. She wanted to reach out and comfort him, but Dwarves were a solitary race, suspicious of outsiders and she was certain any attempt at comfort wouldn’t be welcome.

“If you fought to protect your brother the same way you fought to stay alive when on deaths door then I have no doubt that your brother still lives. No matter what happens to him now you showed him the greatest love a brother could ever give by sacrificing yourself for him,” she told him gently, hoping that it would help ease the dwarf’s pain.

Fíli nodded, giving her a small smile and praying silently to Mahal and Aüle that when he escaped he’d find his little brother safe and sound.  “Thank you. Your words are more than I deserve after my outburst.”

She chuckled. “I believe most of my kind have a reputation for being uncaring, but I assure you we are not all like that.”

He knew what she said was true. Although their faces had faded from his memory he could remember the feeling of safety he’d felt when he was five years old and in the company of two Elves, Elladan and Elrohir. He barely remembered anything about them but from what he _could_ remember, and from what his mother had told him they had been kind and protective when he was in their company. He couldn’t help but smile at the memory of his mother’s stories about the two elves that defeated the great Thorin Oakenshield with their kindness.

Thinking about the Elves raised another question for him.

“Why Amber?”

“Why what?” the elf asked in confusion.

“Your name,” he clarified. “It’s not very Elven.”

Satisfied Fíli wasn’t planning to attempt another escape, at least for the time being, Amber sat at the base of the tree once more and patted the ground next to her. “You would be correct,” she said as Fíli joined her on the ground. “The eve I was born was after a deadly thunderstorm, and when it stopped the setting sun created a golden light that filled sky. My Ada and Naneth said that the colour was the most beautiful thing they had seen in many a year, and believed it to be a fitting name for their youngest daughter in its remembrance.”

She chuckled quietly, lost in her own memories. “My Naneth cared nothing for tradition or expectation, and my Ada only ever wanted her to be happy. They were different from others of our kind, but that is what made them special.”

Fíli couldn’t help but smile at the fond look that crossed her face as she thought of her family, understanding the smile for it was the same as the one that crossed his face whenever he thought about his own.

“Where are your family now? Would they not be wondering where you are?”

Amber looked into the forest unseeingly. “My family sailed to West long ago, I am all that is left of my kin. I imagine there is someone somewhere wondering where I have gone; rangers for the most part as I have been a prisoner for a little over three full moons. This pack came through and slaughtered all the villagers where I was staying, from what I have been told they were looking for me. They tortured me until I was on the brink of death before they took me to their campsite.”

A disgusted look crossed her face as she spoke. “It is how they operate, they torture us until we pass out, I am forced to heal us and then when we are unconscious they travel. Healing myself alone is tiring but healing others as well is exhausting and it takes longer for me to recover. It is why I have been unable to escape as I have spent the entirety of my imprisonment healing myself and another dwarf who was my companion, as well as lying unconscious as my body tries to recover even a shred of the strength I used to have.” Amber refused to look at Fíli, too embarrassed at her own weakness no matter what she had been through.

“The other dwarf,” Fíli asked with a frown, “who is he?” He looked around, unable to see a third chain which might indicate where their companion was hiding.

“A dwarf from the Iron Hills. He told me he was on his way to Ered Luin when he was captured five full moons ago. He was old when they took him and how he survived his injuries before I was caught is beyond me.”

“I remember him,” he said thoughtfully, remembering a conversation he’d overhead from Thorin about a missing emissary from the Iron Hills. “Or rather a meeting about him. He was on his way to see my Uncle but he never arrived. Everyone thought he’d died on the road. Where is he?”

Amber closed her eyes and bowed her head, giving Fíli his answer.

Nervousness filled him at the sight before him, knowing full well what her silence meant but he needed her to say it. “How?”

“It’s because of him no one will think to look for you.” She replied softly, lifting her head and looking him in the eye. “He was dying; old age, illness and a lack of desire to live had him fading quickly and I no longer had the ability to help him. One of the scouts saw you and your brother during the day and informed the pack. They followed you from a distance and waited until nightfall before gagging us and tying us to one of the trees when they attacked. They were planning on taking you both however your brother escaped before they could grab him, and after they captured you they took my companion away. He - I heard them kill him before they dragged you to me and made me heal you enough to keep you alive.”

“Even if they killed him my Uncle would be able to tell it wasn’t me. I’m not old!” Fíli said indignantly, yet relieved he’d been able to spare his brother this ordeal.

“Do you really think they would deny their Warg’s a meal? These Orcs are smarter than normal; they would have made sure there were just enough unimportant pieces left and as much blood as possible that there could be no doubt about what happened. Your weapons, your braids, they were all taken and left there to make sure they believed you were dead.”

Fíli’s hands shot to his head, feeling where his braids had indeed been sliced away. “Wouldn’t they have heard the Orcs or me screaming if you healed me?” He asked in a broken voice. “We were but a league from town, surely the noise would have carried.”

“You were unconscious when I first healed you. They took us several leagues before they allowed me to heal you properly which was when you woke. No one would have heard you, and that was at least a day ago.” With every word Amber spoke he felt his hope fade as he began to realise there was no chance that someone would come looking for him.

All he could do was nod numbly. He was far from home, alone and dead to his family and faced with what they would find how could they think any different? And Kíli, his beloved brother, how would he react when he learnt about what they’d eventually find? Fíli bit back a sob when he thought about how Kíli would react when he realised he was alone because he was gone; knowing Fíli would never see him fall in love, get married or have the chance to play with his children like the proud Uncle he’d be because his older brother would never be by his side again.

“I am sorry Fíli. I would give anything to free you but…” Amber sighed quietly. “It is impossible.”

He nodded, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes harshly and took a deep breath. “I understand. I get that I’m alive for a purpose so forgive me for sounding harsh, but why aren’t you dead? I’m sure there have been multiple opportunities for you to end your suffering.”

“Not long after I was born an Istari came to bless me. He was one of the blue wizards, what his name was I was never told. He said that I was destined to fight in the war against evil, and that I would protect the innocent from the foul creatures who walk our lands. But you must understand that magic has a mind of its own, it is a fickle thing that took the good intentions of the Istari and turned it into something more.”

Amber waved a hand at her body. “I have been dealt injuries many times that to others would be fatal but my body, _my blessing_ ,” she spat, “allows me to heal myself and the gift of the Elves allows me to heal others. It was after meeting with a wizard named Gandalf and the Lady of Lorien that I learned that it is not ordinary evil that keeps me here, but likely something else entirely.”

Fíli’s eyes widened when he realised she couldn’t die. “What is so powerful that it could keep you here?” He asked bewildered.

“Have you ever heard of the Dark Lord Sauron?”

Fíli gaped at her. He knew the stories of course, how could he not? It was as ingrained in the history of the world as Smaug’s destruction of Erebor had been. “He was killed, Isildur killed him!”

“His body was destroyed yes, but there are those who do not believe him to be gone, rumours that part of him survived the war. If what they say is true I cannot die nor pass into the West until he is gone, or if he is then I must wait until my true purpose is completed. Until then I am cursed to walk this earth, whether that is free or as a slave to the very essence I am meant to destroy I do not know.”

He sat there stunned, unsure as to whether he was more surprised by the knowledge that she couldn’t die and was truly stuck here no matter how hard she tried to end her suffering, or that there was a possibility that the greatest evil to have ever threatened Middle Earth was still alive.

Whilst Fíli was silent Amber looked around in front of her and found a small stone with ragged edges. She picked it up and turned it over in her palm, running her thumb along the edge and satisfied that it would do the job she looked around at the bases of the trees surrounding them, spotting one off to her left that had enough cover from prying eyes. Grass had grown up an arms-length at the base of the tree and trying to disturb the grass as little as possible she made a small gap.

Using the stone she started cutting into the tree, dragging the jagged edge repeatedly across the bark until it met the smooth wood underneath. She peeled away a chunk the size of her palm before she started carving into the wood, digging the edge in deeply so that when the tree began to repair itself, it would leave a scar behind leaving her markings in the flesh permanently.

 “What are you doing?” Fíli asked, frowning at the strange symbols on the tree.

 “I am leaving our marks and an estimate of how many days it has been since I healed you.”

“Why?”

“Because if by pure luck we end up back here I will know where we are.”

“Why does it matter?”

Amber let the stone fall from her hand, murmuring quietly as she ran her fingers over the cuts which glowed a soft gold before fading away as quickly as it had come.

“Come,” she said and ignoring his question completely. “I need to check your wounds.”

It wasn’t an answer but Fíli wasn’t going to push. He didn’t know how long they’d be together but he knew it wouldn’t do to have her angry with him if he began questioning everything she did. After all, if she had her reasons they were hers to share willingly, not by force.

He went and sat down in front of her, still uncomfortable with her closeness, but swallowed it down and did as she instructed so she could examine all his wounds. Amber remained silent during her inspection except to tell him she was satisfied with her healing and that the pain would linger for a while as his body adjusted to the repaired muscles and flesh. She was checking to make sure none of the shallower cuts she had left to heal normally had gotten infected when she whipped her head around in alarm, startling him.

“What -”

“The dwarf-scums finally awake is ‘e?” An Orc hissed as he appeared from behind the boulder they’d been hidden behind.

“Leave him alone,” Amber ordered, her voice wavering slightly as they both hurried to their feet. “He has only just woken and is still weak from your attack.”

The Orc looked at Fíli, a foul smile pulling his lips up as he gnashed his teeth. “He looks fine t’me.”

Amber pushed Fíli behind her, blocking the Orcs view of the dwarf. “He is not ready for what you want. Take me instead.”

The Orc cackled as he approached. “I think that’s up to us to decide, not you elf-wretch.” Five other Orcs appeared from the campsite, all brandishing swords and lengths of rope.

Fíli cursed. They were trapped, tied to the tree like animals for slaughter. He looked around quickly but before he could act an Orc appeared from behind, slamming the hilt of his sword into the back of Ambers head and sending her down with a cry of pain. Before Fíli could move another Orc repeated the movement on him, sending him crashing to his knees.

He blinked rapidly as he tried to clear the black spots from his vision only to feel several pairs of hands on him, grabbing and pulling him upright. He felt something tighten around his wrists as his vision finally cleared and got a glimpse of the rope tied around them before he was pulled forwards harshly and making him stumble.

“FÍLI!” Amber cried as she picked herself up off the ground and ran towards him, only to reach the end of her chain and let out a choking noise as it went taught and pulled her feet out from under her, the Orcs cackling as she landed heavily on her back.

“AMBER! HELP!” He yelled, trying to turn from his captors grasps. He struggled valiantly before one of the Orcs raised their sword and brought the hilt crashing down onto his head once more, making him crumple as he was knocked half unconscious.  
   
He barely noticed being dragged towards the Orcs campsite where a post had been hammered into the ground and the rest of the Orc pack were crowded around, nor did he hear an Orc hiss “death would be a mercy for you once we’re done,” as he blacked out.

 


	9. If This Is To End In Fire

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm so sorry for the delay in getting this out, I've been caught up writing another story, Broken Beyond Repair, which I only posted the last chapter of today so thankfully there are no more distractions! However if you want some Fili angst check it out, I think I broke a few hearts on it O.o**

**This chapter has been a long time coming, I've never written something like this before so hopefully it lives up to expectations. I start back at Uni in 3 days so I'll be writing non-stop beforehand to get more chapters written, there's one that keeps playing in my head and I'm really looking forward to writing it, its about three chapters away and will probably require tissues...**

**Oh I also have Tumblr now where I'll be posting updates and stuff so check it out[here](http://filikilithorinforever.tumblr.com/) :)**

**Anyway thanks for being patient, now enjoy!**

**A special thanks to[Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 27 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

A heavy slap sent Fíli’s head snapping to the left, jerking him awake.  
   
“Ah, so the princess is awake is ‘e?”

Fíli’s eyes shot open as something wet was poured over the top of his head; feeling it trickle down his face and into his eyes. He shook his head, trying to keep the foul smelling liquid from obscuring his vision but instead only managed to make his head spin from the sudden movement. Swallowing back the bile that had risen with the wave of dizziness he bowed his head and breathed heavily through his nose, waiting for the sensation to pass before peering through his eyelashes to assess his surroundings.

The sun had finally set; it was dark and the flames from the fire bathed the area in an orange glow, the trees casting long shadows across the ground. The pack of Orcs that had survived his and Kíli's blades lurked beneath the trees, their teeth gnashing in excitement and growls tearing from their mouths as they eyed the dwarf.

Dread filled him as he realised that he was kneeling in front of a wooden post and his hands were bound uncomfortably above his head, his metal bonds attached to the post by a large nail. He shook his wrists in a weak attempt to loosen the nail, knowing full well that even if he were to get free he wouldn’t get far; his audience would make sure of that.

A guttural laugh from behind him had Fíli peering through the corners of his eyes, refusing to turn his head to acknowledge the Orc’s presence.

Although a swift kick to his ribs was harder to ignore.

Grunting Fíli curled in on himself as pain exploded where the boot had hit, his ribs protesting the sudden blow.

“You ain’t going anywhere, dwarf-scum,” the Orc hissed as it slowly paced around him.

Fíli raised his head just enough to see his attacker without being obvious about it. There was no doubt in his mind that this was the leader of the pack; he was bigger and more mutilated than the others that he could see – the scars giving an indication to the numerous fights the creature had undoubtedly won. Its face was a clash of scars – a mixture of faded grey and angry reddish brown marring the already hellish features. There were cuts across the eyes, nose and mouth, skin puckering where a claw or blade hadn’t cut through cleanly and only serving to make him all the more hideous. His torso and arms were similar to the face which only confirmed Fíli’s fears that not only was this the leader, but he was about to enter a living nightmare - one he wasn’t sure he could walk away from.

The leader stopped his pacing briefly to plant another kick to his ribs, winding him yet again. _Scarface,_ Fíli decided would be an appropriate name for his captor, especially when the Orc grabbed his hair and yanked his head upwards to leer in his face, the scars pulling tight on his curling lips.

“This one’s got spirit boys! Let’s see ‘ow long it takes us to _break_ it!” Scarface roared, shoving Fíli’s head down as he finished speaking.

A muffled shout cut through the cheering and Fíli turned towards the noise, his eyes widening in horror at what he saw.

Amber had been gagged, her hands and feet tied and she was being dragged by her hair towards him. He watched as she squirmed and kicked out at an orc beside her, only to have a foot slammed into the side of her face as punishment.

“Stop it!” he snarled, watching as she curled into herself involuntarily when another blow was delivered to her abdomen.

“Looky ‘ere lads, our princess is feeling protective!” Scarface jeered and back handed Fíli across the face.

He hissed in pain as his head crashed into the wooden post from the unexpected blow and split the skin above his eye. “Do what you like, scum,” he spat, glaring defiantly at his captor and ignoring the blood trickling into his eye, “But I bet my grandfather could hit harder than you. You hit like a dwarfling.” He knew antagonising Scarface was the worst thing he could do, but if Amber was correct then he wasn't getting out of this any time soon. It was something Kíli would do, and with that realisation came a swell of bravery. _He'd try make Kíli proud_.

Scarface snarled at the insult, fury marring his already ugly features as he slammed a fist into the side of the dwarfs head.

“Is that all you have?” Fíli taunted the seething Orc, then yelled louder, “Perhaps one of your companions should take over as you seem incapable of doing any real damage!” 

Instead of taking another swing at him like he thought would happen, Scarface laughed, an evil and guttural sound that despite the adrenaline coursing through his body made Fíli shiver in fear.

“What a big mouth our dwarf ‘as, lads!” Scarface yelled, pulling a knife from his belt to roars of approval. “Perhaps we should teach ‘im a lesson.” The Orc placed the tip of the blade against the corner of Fíli's mouth. “Maybe I’ll cut at the edges, make it painful to talk,” he flicked the knife, slicing through the corner and causing the bound dwarf to jerk away. Scarface sneered at the glare directed at him. “Nothing to say? Perhaps I should cut out your tongue, then we’ll see ‘ow well you talk when you’re choking on your own blood.”

Fíli couldn’t help the fear that had undoubtedly appeared on his face, terrified at the thought of losing the ability to speak. His heart sped up when Scarface grabbed his chin with his free hand and almost let out a whimper of relief when Amber let out a muffled yell, drawing the Orc’s attention.

Scarface jerked his head towards Amber’s guards. “Take off ‘er muzzle,” he drawled, “let’s ‘ear what the whelp has to say.”

Her guard nodded and yanked the cloth away. Amber looked at the leader, barely concealing her panic for the situation the dwarf had found himself in. “You cannot do that,” she insisted, “You cannot cut out his tongue.”

Scarface moved towards Amber and grabbed her hair, wrenching her head backwards and brought his face close to hers, his knife trailing across her neck. “And why not?” He asked; a cruel lilt in his voice.

Amber swallowed in disgust as his spit flecked her face. “Because I can heal injuries but I cannot reattach pieces. If you cut out his tongue he is useless to you and I cannot guarantee I could heal him enough to stop him from bleeding to death.”

“Cannot, or will not?” Scarface growled.

“Cannot, I swear.”

The pair stared at each other, and Fíli watched with baited breath hoping she had enough sway over the Orc so that he wouldn’t be permanently injured. A sneer was Scarface’s only response, shoving Amber's head away before going back to Fíli, twirling his knife as he did so. He grabbed Fíli's chin with his free hand and brought his knife up.  
   
“NO!” Amber cried before beginning to struggle against her captors as the dwarf let out a muffled cry. She had to get to Fíli; she had to stop this Orc from taking away his tongue because if there was even the slightest chance of them getting free she knew Fíli would never be the same again without his ability to speak. She’d seen it before.

Scarface turned from Fíli to the Elf who had been subdued once again on the forest floor, holding up a fist to show what he held and Amber let out a shaky sigh of relief. There, in the Orc’s hand were the braids from Fíli's beard, the beads winking back at her in the firelight. Thick globs of blood were beginning to form on his cheeks and jaw where the Orc had cut his face removing them, but mercifully his tongue was untouched.

“Can’t deny our little princess ‘is brave words, can we lads?” Scarface yelled, and when he got roars and screeches in reply he turned and plunged his knife deep into Fíli's right shoulder. “Doesn't mean you’re getting outta this un’armed,” he hissed, grinning as Fíli screeched in pain.

Scarface tore the knife from Fíli's shoulder before walking towards a tree, flinging his arms wide and addressing the gathered orcs. “It’s time we ‘ad some fun gents! Show these slaves their place!”

Fíli looked at Amber in alarm, only to panic when he saw her looking at the ground with her shoulders slumped. He started struggling against the ropes that were keeping him tied to the post, desperate to get away. He didn't want to know what the Orc had in store for him; he just wanted to be free. Suddenly a stinging pain shot down his back making him gasp in shock before the pain kicked in. Scarface walked into his view, brandishing a whip.

“Is that all you have?” he asked between clenched teeth, managing to keep his voice steady despite the shooting pain in his back.

Scarface’s lips curled into a twisted grin. “E's right lads!” He shouted, throwing the whip away. “Let's give ‘im something special! Bring me the shredder!”

Fíli watched with wide eyes as an Orc brought forward another whip, only this one appeared thicker if the way the Orc was holding it was anything to go by. Scarface grabbed the handle, cracking it with one strong movement of his arm and Fíli swallowed in fear when he saw it fully. It wasn’t just one piece of leather, but many. And the end of every tendril glistened in the firelight.

He knew immediately it was a whip designed to hurt.

Scarface swung the whip and cracked it several times, relishing the twitches that came from his prisoners. He walked up behind Fíli and grabbed his hair with his free hand, wrenching his head backwards until he winced. “Not talking much now are you? Let's see ‘ow loud I can make you _scream_.”

He slammed Fíli's head into the wooden post again, dazing him before taking a step backwards and raising the whip and cracking it upon his back. The crude pieces of metal that had been embedded into the leather bit into the young dwarf’s flesh, tearing the skin apart when they were removed. Fíli bit his lip to stifle the scream that was trying to escape; never before had he felt a pain like this before.

He scrunched his eyes shut, gasping through the near unbearable throbbing that radiated from each wound before a crack rent the air, moments before pain exploded in his back once again. A slight whimper escaped his lips but nothing more. He refused to let the brave front he’d put up crumble like the rivulets of warm blood trickling down his back.

The whip was brought down three more times in quick succession; the skin on his back truly torn open and bits of flesh hanging off. Fíli let out a whimper when he felt his teeth bite through his bottom lip from trying to stifle his screams.

“Oh, does our little princess need a break?” Scarface asked with a sneer, grinning when wide blue eyes full of tears looked at him hatefully. “Okay then.”

Scarface dropped the whip and pulled his knife from its sheath, placing the tip on Fíli’s chest and trailing it down, flicking it often to create small, thin cuts. Fíli shook all over, barely able to resist crying out when the blade was brought back to the hollow of his collarbones, the pressure causing it to pierce his skin before being dragged down slowly, the skin splitting open in its wake.

If Fíli had been unsure of his breaking point before, he knew it now. He let out a sob, uncaring if he looked weak.

He just wanted the pain to stop; he wanted it to be over.

“Stop it! Please!” Fíli heard Amber beg somewhere from the side.

“Isn’t our princess ‘aving fun?” Scarface asked with a feral grin. “Well in that case…”

Fíli let out a howl of agony as the knife was plunged into his right shoulder once more, only this time it was left there. Scarface turned back to his pack who had worked themselves into a frenzy; every whimper, every drop of blood that had been released had excited them to the point where they were barely holding back from joining in.

“What say you boys? ‘ows about we roast us some dwarf!” Scarface cackled.

The Orcs screamed and slammed their fists against their breastplates as Scarface strode over to the fire, spurring their leader onwards. It had been so long since they’d had a show like this put on for them, and they were relishing every minute of it.

Fíli struggled to cling onto consciousness; his head was stuffy and his eyelids threatened to droop which meant he only had a moment to register the sizzle that rent the air before a white hot burning pain erupted on his chest, directly above his heart.

He screamed as the smell of burning flesh filled his nose, not hearing Amber cry his name nor see the leer on Scarface’s lips as he pressed the metal rod harder into his chest, and when he couldn’t take anymore he surrendered and threw himself at the darkness with open arms.

 


	10. A Painful Reality

**A/N: Hello everyone! I've managed to get a few chapters written over the last few days which is awesome as that means due to being back at school (last three months! Hooray!) I can still do updates at least once a month without having to try and figure out what to write from the brief descriptions I've given myself, I only have to review them which is sweet! I'm planning on fixing up the first chapter as that was pretty shocking (just the grammar and flow, the content is the same) and possibly a couple of others further down the line so if your told its been edited in your notifications then that's all that's happening.**

**Thank you all for your patience though, I know how frustrating lengthy delays between updates for stories are but I promise to do my best. There's like another 15 chapters to go from this point so I have a lot of writing ahead of me O.o**

**If you want a super angsty Fili fic to read then take a look at the story I finished the other day[Broken Beyond Repair](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2211963/chapters/4848900) it was my first time writing something like this and boy oh boy was it emotionally hard to do!**

**I'm also posting sneak previews of chapters on[Tumblr](http://filikilithorinforever.tumblr.com/)!**

**Special shout out to[Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 31 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

_Fíli found himself standing in his dimly lit bedroom, a single candle the only source of light. He drew down the right side of his shirt to look at his shoulder and was surprised to discover there was no mark, no pink skin or any other indication that he had just been stabbed._

_Frowning slightly at the unblemished skin he looked up and realised he was in front of his dresser, his stuffed lion from his childhood sitting on top which he ran gentle fingers over before soft singing in another room drew his attention. Like a moth to a flame he followed the noise, coming to a standstill in the archway of the living room which was dark save for the glow of the fire._

_While the room was dark, it was filled with the warmth of life, and he couldn’t help but smile softly as he watched his family. There was his mother, sitting in her chair singing quietly as she knitted something new for her boys and Thorin, sitting in his chair in front of the fire, a book in one hand and his pipe in another with a rare look of peace on his face._

_And then there was Kíli. Fíli watched his little brother who was a mere five years old; wild locks to his shoulders and wide, awe filled eyes as he sat in front of their mother, listening to her singing with a smile on his chubby face._

_As though sensing his presence Kíli turned his head, smiling up at him while using his great big brown eyes to silently beg his older brother to join him on the floor. He crept forwards before settling himself down next to Kíli, and as the pair of them listened to their mother sing Fíli realised she was singing of Erebor and the desire their people had to return home. He folded his legs in front of him, content to allow his mother’s voice to wash over him when Kíli clambered into his lap._

_Fíli grinned in amusement at his little brother, leaning forwards to place a kiss on his forehead with a wet smack. Kíli giggled and placed his tiny hands on both of his shoulders, sobering as he looked him in the eye with one of the most serious expressions Fíli believed he’d ever seen on the youngsters face._

_“You wown’ weave me, will you Fee?” his brother asked quietly as he clung to his shoulders._

_Fíli frowned in confusion, his mouth opening as he tried to come up with an answer for his five year old brother when Kíli spoke again._

_“You awways come back for Kee, wown’ you?” He insisted as he wrapped his arms around Fíli’s neck and hugged him tightly, digging his pudgy fingers painfully into Fíli’s back._

_“Come home Fee.”_

_“Come home.”_

Fíli woke with a gasp as pain exploded in his back. He groaned, forcing his eyes open and found he was face down in the dark forest once again, the smell of rotting vegetation strong in his nose. Blinking several times to clear his vision he discovered Amber kneeling next to him as the echo of his brother’s voice reverberated through in his ears.

“Fíli?” the elf asked tiredly, her hands strong and warm on his back.

He hummed, the noise guttural and weak but just enough to let her know he was awake as he dragged a hand up towards his face, wincing at the pain that shot through his body as he moved. He managed to get his hand part way to his shoulder before the pain became too intense and Amber placed a bloodied hand gently over his own. Despite his weakened state he managed to shift enough to look at her face and winced at the sight; a large bruise had formed on her cheek and there was a deep gash on her forehead that blood was sluggishly dripping from.

 “Sleep Fíli,” Amber whispered softly as she brushed a strand of hair from his eyes. “You have been through much and your body needs rest. Sleep.”

He could already feel his energy draining as she spoke and nodded slightly, eyes slipping shut once more.

 

* * *

 

Kíli began to stir as the early morning breeze blew gently through the windows of the Healing House and caressed his face. He let out a sigh as the wind ruffled his hair gently and slowly opened his eyes as he heard movement close by, blinking sluggishly to clear the black spots that danced across his vision.

“Ah, lad, you’re awake,” Oin said as he came into focus, and Kíli furrowed his brows as he tried to focus on the healer above him.

“Oin?” he asked slowly, his voice rough with sleep. “What happened?”

The old dwarf slipped an arm beneath his shoulders and helped pull him upright enough to drink comfortably, and once he was stable he handed him the cup he had left on the bedside table. “Drink this first lad, then we’ll talk.”

Kíli raised a shaking hand to grip the glass and with the healer’s help managed to drink half before the cup slipped from his fingers. To his relief Oin caught it easily and set it back on the table as he lay back down and settled further into the pillows, looking at the healer pointedly for an answer. When none was immediately forthcoming he huffed impatiently.

“What happened, Oin?”

“I’m so sorry, lad,” Oin replied softly. “Thorin brought you to me two nights ago, after you arrived through the gates on the back of your horse unconscious and barely alive. It took every bit of knowledge that I had to keep you with us. Your Uncle went looking for your brother, but from what I understand there wasn’t much left.” He paused, watching with a heavy heart as the young dwarf’s eyes misted over and his chin quivered before turning his head away as the tears spilled free, fingers bunching the sheets as he bit down on his lower lip to stifle any noise.

He let out a sigh before turning back to the table next to him and picked up the small pouch that Thorin had left for his nephew.

“Your Uncle found these when they were up there and thought it was only right for you to have them.” He freed one of Kíli’s hands from the blankets and held it gently before tipping the contents into his palm. Kíli refused to look but curled his fingers around the cold objects and kept his hand with its precious burden at his side.

“For what it’s worth lad, I’m sorry. I really am.” He grasped Kíli’s shoulder gently before leaving the room to inform Dís and Thorin he had woken.

 

The door shut with a click behind the healer leaving Kíli alone. The young dwarf stared resolutely at the wall, inhaling deeply as he tried to will away his tears. Oin was wrong, Thorin was wrong; Fíli was not dead and he refused to believe it.

But he couldn’t deny the coldness that rested in his palms. Closing his eyes and taking a shaky breath Kíli turned his head and looked down at his hand, taking several deep breaths before opening it slowly.

A sob tore free and he clapped his other hand across his mouth as he looked at the glistening objects in his palm. His brother’s beads, the ones he’d forged for him years ago as a birthday present rested there; glistening dimly from years of exposure to the sunlight and the grooves still flecked with blood.

He closed his fingers around the beads and clasped his hands together, bringing them to his lips as he cried for his brother, tears streaming freely down his face.

“Fíli…” He sobbed, gasping wetly as he felt his heart seize in his chest at his loss.

He couldn’t comprehend the thought of being without his big brother, the one he had trusted unfailing with his life now gone forever. Never again would he hear his brother laugh at some silly prank the pair had pulled or a joke Kíli had told. Never again would he feel the warmth of his brothers arms as he comforted him after being teased about his looks, or when they supported each other on their way back from the tavern after one too many pints. Never would he have the chance to show off his brother to his own children, making sure they knew how incredible, kind and caring their golden haired Uncle was.

Never would he get to see him grow up, marry and become the greatest King Erebor had ever seen.

But most importantly he would never get to hear his brothers laugh again, or see his smile as they knocked foreheads gently when Fíli told him how proud he was of his little brother, and how he would never stop loving him.

Kíli cried harder when his mind took him back to the campsite and forced him to watch as Fíli sacrificed himself to save him. And as the Orcs and Wargs overpowered his brother Kíli couldn’t help but feel as though he’d lost a part of himself; a part that no matter how long he lived time would never heal.

The door opened, catching his attention and when he saw his mother and Uncle enter slowly he let out a whimper before turning over, ignoring the pain in his stomach and putting his back to them as he pulled his hands to his chest, hugging himself and the beads tightly.

“Oh Kíli…” Dís whispered, hurrying forwards to try and comfort her youngest son. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, only to pull back slightly when he flinched away as another sob tore free. Dís looked helplessly at her brother who was standing off to the side, sorrow clear on his face for the pain his nephew was suffering.

“Kíli…” Thorin whispered sadly as Dís began to run her fingers through the brunets tangled hair. He stepped forwards and scratched softly at Kíli’s head in a soothing motion.

“I am so sorry Kíli. I would give anything to take your pain away.” Thorin’s heart ached at the silent sobs that shook the body beneath his hand. “Your brother was one of the bravest dwarves I have ever met. Losing him -”

“STOP!” Kíli screamed, whipping himself around and up to glare at his Uncle and mother who took a step backwards in surprise.

“STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT! HE’S NOT DEAD!”

“Kíli, I’m so sorry Gimlith but he’s gone!” Dís pleaded tearfully with her son. “Thorin found nothing there! I wish it weren’t so, but it is!”

“Your brother would not want you -” Thorin started in an attempt to bring some calm to his hysterical nephew, but apparently it was the wrong thing to say if the look of murder that filled Kíli’s eyes was anything to go by.

“Get. Out.”

“Kíli -”

“I said GET OUT!” Kíli screamed, grabbing the half full cup off the table with his empty hand and throwing it at both dwarves. “You know NOTHING! _NOTHING_ about what Fíli wanted! He promised he wouldn’t leave me!” He sobbed, flipping himself over and screaming into his pillow.

Thorin quickly pulled Dís from the room, shutting the door behind them and holding her tight as she broke down, both from the stress of the past two days catching up with her and hearing her son scream himself hoarse.

Despite trying to put on a brave face Thorin was unable to stop the tears from flowing, nor the sob that escaped his lips at the sound of pure pain in his nephew’s voice. He buried his face in his sisters’ hair as he clutched her to him; they had both lost Frerin many years ago and with time the pain had faded to a dull ache; so trying to fathom what the youngest of them was feeling was impossible.

Both knew how hard it was to understand that someone you loved would never walk through the door again, or tell you things would be alright when all else seemed hopeless. They had had each other when Frerin had died, but Kíli, their precious Kíli didn’t have another sibling to lean on.

They would provide the support Kíli would so desperately need to get through this.

They would never let him feel alone.

 


	11. A Memorable Lesson

**A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you for waiting patiently for this, I've had it written for a while but it's one of those chapters that despite your best efforts you struggle writing with regardless! Anyway I hope your still enjoying the story and haven't lost interest due to the lengthy gaps, I have 7 weeks to go of my course and then I'm HOME FREE! well at least until I start working but I wont have homework taking up my evenings which will be nice. OMFG talk about some of the behind the scenes photos/footage for the DOS EE release! I haven't got it yet but tumblr is flooded with them! Argh talk about teasing!! O.O**

*****WARNING!!!*** There are descriptions of torture in here so if it's not for you you'll have to wait until the next update I'm afraid :/**

**Check me out on[tumblr](http://filikilithorinforever.tumblr.com/) for updates! :)**

**Special shout out to[Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) and the 36 guests who've commented and kudosed. You guys are awesome!!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien.**

 

* * *

 

Fíli wasn’t sure how many days had passed since he had been tortured; in fact the only indication that any time had passed at all was due to his hunger and thirst and the rare occasions when they were awake as they were always somewhere different.

It was only when some Orcs passed by the area he and Amber were chained that he learnt that it had been four days since his torture. He felt his heart drop at the revelation; four days and many leagues further between him and his family. The reality of his situation began to sink in despite the small hope he’d held; the fact that he was truly at the mercy of the Orcs and the chance of finding help, no matter how small, was shrinking by the day.

They had both woken in the early evening; scraps of food and their closeness the only source of comfort to be found. As the sun began to sink below the trees Fíli could see Amber getting increasingly wary; shooting glances around the clearing and shifting restlessly. He moved closer to her, placing a hand on her shoulder and was about to ask if she was ok when the snapping of twigs under boots drew their attention.

“Well well, it appears our princess survived ‘is lesson,” Scarface drawled as he observed them. Fíli repressed a shudder as the Orc moved towards them, the tree at his back offering little comfort and instead made him feel like a cornered animal. As though she sensed his fear Amber shifted so that Fíli was behind her, glaring at the Orc all the while.

“You had your fun with him,” she growled, “now leave him be.”

Scarface sneered at her and moved forward. Fíli felt Amber tense as the Orc grabbed her hair roughly and yanked her head back to draw his knife and run the blade over her cheek. He shifted; wanting nothing more than to get the blade away from her and drive it through the Orc’s chest but stayed still as he didn’t want to risk further harm to her.

“Oh, but we ain’t finished with ‘im yet, whelp. I got plenty planned for our princess, e’ll be begging for death soon enough.” The Orc cocked his head in thought. “But you know, perhaps we’ll teach ‘im a lesson tonight, something ‘e ain’t likely to forget.”

Scarface shouted in black speech and a group of Orcs hurried forward, surrounding the pair who struggled against their bonds and the hands that scratched and pulled until they were lying flat on the ground, boots pressed into their backs as their arms were secured behind them.  Satisfied they wouldn’t get free Scarface shouted orders at the Orcs and moved back to the campsite, the Orcs following close behind and dragging Fíli and Amber by the hair into their midst.

As they were dragged closer Fíli’s eyes fell on the post that had been erected near the camp fire and he swallowed, flashbacks of the previous torture flooding his mind. He didn’t want to feel pain like that again, but knew that as long as he was here it would happen again, and many times over. To his relief, the Orcs holding him changed direction and he was dragged away to the side, only to realise in horror that the ones dragging Amber were making their way to the centre post instead.

“No! No let her go! Amber!” he cried out, his boots scuffing the dirt as he struggled hopelessly against his captors. With guttural cackles, they chained him with his back to a tree and was forced to face the middle of the quickly forming circle.

Amber locked wide eyes with him briefly before she disappeared beneath the Orcs who eventually withdrew when she was secured to the post, her hands above her head and positioned so she was forced to face him.

Amber flashed him a brief, weary smile before lowering her head in defeat. The moment they had been separated she knew what had been planned, after all what better way to teach a lesson than to show the torture of another? She calmed herself, taking deep breaths in and out as she clung to the fact that whatever the Orc had planned would be over soon enough and prayed that Fíli would be left alone once they were done.

The sizzling of heated iron near her head made her flinch,

And so it began.

 

* * *

 

Fíli wished more than anything that he could block out what was happening in front of him, that he could close his eyes to the tears on Ambers’ face or the blood that was staining her clothing; but he could not.

Every time he turned his head away or closed his eyes a fist would connect heavily with his jaw, or a boot was slammed into his stomach, or a hand would squeeze his throat until he was sure there was bruising. He was forced to watch Scarface torture her worse than what had been done to him; forced to hear her agonised screams as the skin was whipped off her back and marks branded into her skin before a crude looking liquid was poured onto them making her writhe even more. He was forced to witness when it all became too much for her and her body crumpled forwards, her shoulder popping out of place from the angle she collapsed.

Fíli swallowed back the fury and bile he felt rise when he watched Scarface yank her head back harshly and lick up the blood that had trickled down her cheeks from her temple. The Orc smacked his lips together and leered over at him before shoving Ambers head into the post, smirking at the new gash that opened up above her eye.

“Well boys,” the Orc called to his excited crowd, “do you think our little princess ‘as learned ‘is lesson?” He looked at the guards surrounding the dwarf and jerked his head. They nodded and untied Fíli, dragging him by his hair towards the centre of the circle.

Fíli struggled and kicked out at his captors, desperate to shake them off but no matter how hard he tried he knew it was futile. He thought he’d be sick when he saw exactly how much damage had been done to Amber when he was brought over, ignoring the Orcs tying him to the post in order to watch her for any sign of movement.

But there was none.

Once he’d been secured the Orcs dragged Ambers’ unconscious form away from the clearing, and Fíli barely had time to see them toss her carelessly onto the ground before Scarface filled his vision once more.

“You thought you’d be gettin’ off easy tonight, didn’t you princess?” He asked, trailing his blade across Fíli’s cheek in a mock caress. “Well I ‘ate to disappoint you, but you ain’t going anywhere.”

Fíli closed his eyes and, refusing to flinch at the whip being cracked behind him and whispered a prayer to Mahal to get him through the night.

He was going to need it.

 

* * *

 

Fíli let out a soft groan and opened his eyes, his eyelids fluttering at the soft light peeking through the trees. He frowned momentarily and tilted his head before understanding washed over him when he realised he was staring up at the sky, not at the ground as he always seemed to do. He wasn’t sure what woke him, whether it was the rustling of the breeze through the trees or the light on his face, or even the slight warmth that seemed to be radiating from his arm.

He turned his head to the side and laid eyes on the elf. Amber was sprawled out on her front, her head turned away from him and her arm was stretched out towards him. He looked down and discovered the source of the heat was her fingertip, barely grazing his arm as the warmth which could only be her healing ability flowed through him, and Fíli realised with a sickening clarity it was the only thing that had kept him alive.

Despite her own injuries, despite the fact that she herself was near death she had forced herself to wake and move close enough so that she could heal him. As the edges of his vision began to dim once again, Fíli dragged his hand up towards Ambers, linking their fingers as he lost his grip on consciousness once more.

 


	12. Memories Can Sometimes Be Painful

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Update? Yes my lovely people theres an update for you! realised it's been just over a month so I need to get on of my previously written chapters to you. I'm starting to write chapter 14 at the moment, its a rather emotional one, at least I hope it will be for you all :) In all honesty I'm not sure if anyone is reading this anymore, I hope so, and don't worry I won't be abandoning it as I hate reading abandoned stories, and my followers on Fanfiction still seem to be enjoying it so I have to keep writing for them, and Cybersuzy whose been reviewing :P Thanks my dear! :D**

**OH MY GOD!! Hobbit is released in less than a month here in New Zealand! It's so exciting for me because I only have two weeks of uni left and my very last exam, my very last day is the same night as the midnight screening! So screw getting drunk with all my classmates, I know where my priorities lie, and besides we have a leavers dinner the next night so I can go out then before I fly home for a couple of days. So my plan is, as soon as my last exam is over watch AUJ EE and DOS EE before the midnight screening. Sound good? HELLZ YEAH! :D**

**Anyway, excitement over for now, just a note for this: don't forget that Kili has been going through the five stages of grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Not necessarily in that order and a couple may be missed or skimmed over but this is the theme for the story just incase you didn't know :)**

**Special shout out to[BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 37 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien.**

 

* * *

 

It had been five days since Kíli had been brought to the Healing House, and Oin had finally given him permission to go outside for the first time. Despite many threats and broken cups Oin had made it clear that in no uncertain terms would he be allowed out or able to return home until his stitches had been removed, after all he was still healing and one wrong move could reopen any of his injuries; something Oin, Thorin and Dís would not risk.

Since being told he was confined to his bed Kíli had fallen silent, refusing to talk to anyone who visited him, not even his mother or Uncle. Night time was the only time he would speak, screaming out for Fíli when he was caught in yet another nightmare and crying himself to sleep when it finished. Seeing the damage being trapped in the room was doing to Kíli, on top of having to deal with the fact he had lost his brother Oin decided that being outside for a short amount of time might do the once smiling brunet some good, that it might bring some life to the hollow eyes that watched him whenever he was in the room.

With the assistance of a healer Kíli took his first steps outside in what felt like an age. He turned his face towards the sun, revelling in the warmth that touched his skin and took a deep breath feeling as though the suffocating wave of grief had lessened slightly.

Looking around Kíli spotted a bench underneath the shade of a large apple tree and made his way over slowly, the healer hovering behind him as though afraid he’d collapse at any second.

“Please leave me,” Kíli asked her quietly. “I’ll be fine; I only intend to sit here.”

The young healer looked at him hesitantly before finally nodding and making her way back inside. Relieved to be alone Kíli made his way over to seat and sat down, lying the crutches he’d been ordered to use on the ground next to him. He looked around the garden with a small frown; something was missing but he couldn’t figure out what it was.

It was a large garden he was in, lots of trees and flower beds containing herbs and other plants used by the healers, a small brook bubbled away quietly, dissecting the garden enough that a small bridge had been built to save patients and healers from having to go around, and birds flitted from the many bird nests and houses around the yard, their songs giving the area a peaceful feel. It hit Kíli then, what was missing in the garden.

Noise.

Every time Kíli had been injured or sick he had never been surrounded by the quiet, instead he had always had Fíli’s enthusiastic chatter nearby. Kíli felt his lip tremble when he realised that this was the first time he had ever been alone when injured, that his brothers cheerful banter and roaring laughs wouldn’t disrupt the peace and infuriate the healers as they always did whenever they were both there.

He blinked rapidly, willing away the tears that were quickly forming as he looked around the garden and tried to find something mundane to distract him from thoughts of his brother. His gaze was drawn past the low fence that surrounded the Healing House towards the large Oak tree that towered proudly over the square, the leaves casting shade on the villagers below.

 

_“Kee? Kee where are you? Come on Kíli, it’s just me.”_

_“M’here Fee.” Kíli’s soft voice floated on the air._

_Fíli peered up into the tree and was able to just make out his brothers form behind some of the branches. “Oh Kee,” he said sadly. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here fast enough. What were they saying this time?”_

_“Doesn’t matter,” Kíli replied quietly._

_“It matters to me,” he said as he hauled himself up onto a low branch, climbing steadily as he spoke. “They’re just jealous that someone younger than –ouch- them is better at the bow then they are.”_

_Eventually Fíli reached the branch Kíli was sitting on and sat next to his brother, wrapping a tight arm around the brunet and wiping away his tears with the other._

_“You’re my little brother Kee, when someone hurts you it will always matter to me,” he reminded him._

_“They – they called me an Elf spawn,” Kíli sobbed as he turned his head away from his brother, ashamed of how much their taunts had hurt him._

_Fíli relinquished his hold on Kíli momentarily so he could swing his leg over the branch and straddle it before pulling his brother to his chest. “They’re wrong Kee,” he whispered into the brunet’s hair. “You’re no Elf spawn; you’re the best archer this side of the Misty Mountains. Who was it who caught the most game last winter despite the cold when Ered Luin was starving? Who managed to pick off an entire pack of Orcs single handed before the rest of his patrol even realised the Orcs were there? And who always shoots down the fruit from the highest branches of the trees and gifts them to all the little lasses, both dwarrow and human and wins over all their hearts?”_

_Fíli waited until Kíli looked at him, a faint blush rising on his cheeks._

_“You, Kíli. Every time you hit your target, every time you show those humans whose better I’m right there with you and do you know what I think each time?”_

_Kíli shook his head, his blush turning his cheeks a fiery red under all the praise._

_“That I could never be more proud of you.” Fíli placed a kiss on his brother’s brow. “You are the hero of many people here Kíli, including mine. Don’t let what those trolls say get you down, you mean more to people here than what they ever will.”_

_Kíli heaved a sigh before punching his brother in the shoulder. “Are you sure you’re not old Fee?” He asked with a watery laugh. “You sound like Uncle.”_

_Fíli rolled his eyes before cuffing Kíli lightly over the head. “Come on, it’s almost lunch time and Mama will have our hides if we’re late.” Fíli pulled himself up and made his way to the other side of the tree._

_“Also, you’re as heavy as a boulder Kee; I wouldn’t want to tempt fate and have her throw us out of the tree.” Fíli laughed at his brother’s exasperated look, and sniggered at the brunet as Kíli manoeuvred himself enough to start climbing down._

_Kíli rolled his eyes and began his descent, Fíli copying his movements on the other side. They were half way down when a branch Fíli was standing on made an ominous creak before giving way beneath his feet completely._

_“Fee!” Kíli cried in horror, watching as his brother tumbled down through the branches, unable to grab a hold of anything to stop himself._

_Fíli went limp when his head collided with a large branch just before toppling to the ground, an almighty snap heard the moment he landed. Silence filled the square as everyone froze in shock._

_“FEE!” Kíli screamed at his brother’s motionless form before hurrying his way down the tree as fast as he dared._

_Thorin had just stepped outside the forge for a break and was packing his pipe when he heard Kíli’s scream. He dropped his pipe and sprinted in the direction of the noise, only caring about getting to his nephews as fast as possible._

_“MOVE!” He roared as he shoved his way through the small crowd that had gathered. In the centre Kíli was hovering over his brother who was sprawled out on the ground, blood beginning to trickle from a large welt on his forehead._

_“Kíli,” he said softly as he crouched down next to the pair, “it’s okay, a healer is on the way.” He turned his attention to his unconscious nephew, tapping Fíli’s_ _face lightly to try and elicit a response. Moments later Oin crouched down next to the three of them and Dwalin, who had followed Thorin after seeing him race from the forge began moving the crowd along._

_“Hmm,” Oin said as he picked up Fíli’s left arm gently “it appears the lad may have broken his wrist given the angle it’s on.” And indeed, it was on such an angle that Kíli was suddenly grateful his brother was unconscious so as to not feel the pain. “Let’s get him inside so I can fix him up.”_

_As Thorin scooped up the blond Fíli began to stir. “Kee?” He slurred, eyes only opening part way._

_“Hey Fee, you’re okay,” Kíli said softly, keeping as close to his brother’s head as possible._

_“Hurts,” Fíli whimpered, blue eyes finally locking with brown._

_“I know Fee, I know, but Oin will have you fixed up in no time.” Kíli said quietly, following his Uncle as Thorin placed Fíli down on a bed in the Healing House. He took a seat on his brother’s bed and held his uninjured hand in his own. “I’m so sorry Fíli,” he murmured. “This is all my fault, you’re hurt because of me.”_

_Fíli let out a grunt and shook his head, only to stop quickly when he thought he would be sick. “S’not your fault Kee,” he mumbled._

_“You were up that tree comforting me Fíli; you wouldn’t have been hurt if I hadn’t been up there.”_

_Fíli fixed his brother with a weak glare “And I would be up there a hundred times over if I had too to look after you. You’re m’brother Kee, I’ll always be there and I’ll always protect you…”_

 

Kíli shook his head angrily in order to rid himself of the memory, breathing heavily through his nose as he tried to control his temper.

“You’re a liar Fíli,” he growled quietly. “You’re a liar.”

“You LIED TO ME YOU WORTHLESS ASS!” He screamed, hurling his crutch away from him, uncaring when it frightened off a flock of birds. “You said you’d always be there for me, but you’re not! I need you here and where are you, you bloody traitor! I hope it hurt! I hope you felt every one of those blades as they cut into your worthless body! I hope -”

Kíli gasped, his hand flying up to his mouth, utterly horrified at what he had just said.

“Kíli?” His mother’s wavering voice asked quietly from her place at the back door to the house. Kíli fixed his wild eyes on his mother and watched as she approached slowly with her hands raised.

“I didn’t mean it,” he whimpered, tears flowing down his face. “Mama I-I didn’t m-mean it. I d-don’t h-hate him!”

Dís hurried over and fell to her knees in front of her son, throwing her arms around his shoulders as he buried his face in her neck and cried. “It’s okay, its okay my sweet boy, I know you don’t hate him,” she soothed, rocking her son carefully as he sobbed. “Shh Ghivashith, shh.” She ran a hand over the brunet locks, never loosening her hold as she let him cry.

“I j-just m-miss him so m-much! I j-just w-want him b-back.” Kíli sobbed; his breath hitching rapidly as he tried to stop crying.

Dís shushed him, pressing a lingering kiss to her sons’ temple. “I know Nûlukhel, I know.”

“Please bring him back.”

Dís sighed quietly, squeezing her eyes shut against the pain in her heart. “We’ll get through this my love, together as a family. You’re not alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nûlukhel – moon of all moons
> 
> Ghivashith – treasure that is young


	13. News On Both Sides

**A/N: Hello everyone! So I had my last day at Uni exactly a week ago and I am now home free, at least until I start my new job on Sunday which I only got yesterday! I'm so stoked as I was beginning to worry I wouldn't be able to get one before Christmas and as much as I'd prefer to be at home for Christmas day I also need to work if I want to survive. But I did go home for four days and got most of my Christmas presents early, including my new graphics tablet! I'm super excited about it because I can now hopefully begin to draw again, practise and practise and eventually illustrate some of my stories.**

**Funny story about this chapter, I actually thought I'd already released it and spent a good portion of yesterday doing chapter 14 which is an emotional one (for Kili anyway) only to find I'm actually a chapter behind. So have this one and I'll give you the new one tomorrow, possibly. I'll need to get cracking on chapter 15 if I want to do that :D**

**Also, BOFA has been out for a week here in NZ and I've already seen it 3 times, the midnight screening where everyone applauded and twice when I went home as my siblings work at the movies and get cheap tickets so had to take advantage of that, especially for HFR. And the soundtrack is amazing, I've got it on repeat atm whilst I write :P  
**

**Any special shout out to[bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well the 45 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien.**

 

* * *

 

A week had passed since Fíli had died before Kíli got his first visitor that wasn’t family. He’d been sitting at the base of one of the trees in the gardens when Ori appeared next to him with a small smile.

“Hey Kíli,” Ori said shyly. “Mind if I join you?”

Kíli blinked several times at his friends sudden appearance before shaking his head to chase away the thoughts that had been lingering there not a moment before. “Sure,” he agreed with an answering smile and patting the ground next to him, “it’s good to see a new face around here.”

Ori chuckled as he sat down next to his friend, mimicking Kíli by stretching his legs out in front of him and placing his book on the ground.

“I saw your Amad as I was heading to Balin’s; she’s the one who suggested you might be in need of a friend. I would have visited sooner but thought privacy and space would be something you’d be wanting for a while.”

Kíli looked at his friend who was staring out across the garden with a calm expression on his face. At first he was slightly hurt to learn that Ori had only come at his mother’s suggestion, but as Ori spoke he couldn’t help but feel a sense of gratitude. Instead of crowding him and pushing his presence on him like many of the Healers had done in the first few days of him being there, Ori had given Kíli space to work through his emotions and come to terms with what had happened on his own, without any added pressure.

“Thanks Ori,” he murmured quietly.

Ori gave him an understanding smile before looking back out at the garden once more. They sat together quietly for a while, just enjoying the sounds of the bubbling brook and the chatter of the birds as they flitted from tree to tree, all the while soaking up the warmth from the sun, warmth that Kíli wasn’t sure he’d ever feel again.

“How are you?” Ori asked eventually, his attention still fixed across the yard so as not to put any pressure on the dwarf next to him.

Kíli picked a daisy from the grass next to him and twirled it between his fingers, looking at it sadly. “I miss him,” he said finally. “I woke up this morning and went to ask him if we could go to the lake before remembering that he -” Kíli broke off his sentence, choosing instead to pluck several of the white petals he still held gently between his fingers. He heaved a sigh before continuing on.

“I just - I don’t know what to do Ori.” He admitted quietly, gazing down at the flower as though it held all the answers he was looking for. “I’ve never lived without him, and now what? I’m supposed to carry on with my life? Knowing I’ll never get to hear him laugh or talk or see him smile again?” he asked, his voice wavering slightly.

“Yes,” Ori said firmly as he looked his friend in the eye. “Yes Kíli, you are supposed to carry on with your life. You were Fíli’s world; everything he did, he did for you. Every Orc he killed, every sword he made, every coin he earned he did so to make sure that you would have the best life that you possibly could. I know I have Dori and Nori but every time I saw you two running around or laughing together I couldn’t help but feel slightly envious that I wasn’t as close with my brothers as what you two were.”

Ori wrapped an arm around Kíli’s shoulder and squeezed gently at the sadness on the younger ones face. “Fíli was my friend just as much as you are, and I know more than anything that he would be furious if you tried to do something stupid to join him.”

“I told him I wouldn’t,” Kíli admitted, tipping his hand and letting the now shredded flower slip off his palm.

Ori frowned at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Kíli swallowed thickly, “the night that we- he,” he exhaled loudly, unable to say the word before charging on anyway, “I was braiding his hair and he told me that his duties would be changing even more, that he’d be travelling more often and that there was a – a chance that one day he might not come back.” He looked up at the sky, willing away the tears that threatened to fall.

“He made me promise him, he made me promise that if anything happened to him then I would stay alive, for him, that I wouldn’t try and follow him even though that’s all I want to do right now just so I can hug him, just one last time.”

Kíli looked at Ori with a single tear falling down his cheek. “What do I do?” He asked brokenly, his voice no more than a whisper.

“You live for him,” Ori replied gently as he placed a hand on Kíli’s shoulder. “You lead a long life full of laughter and love in his name. You become a fair and just leader in his stead, you marry and have children who know about the Uncle they will never get to meet but will never forget because they know he’s watching over you all. You grow old surrounded by your wife and children and grandchildren and when it’s your time to go to the Halls of Waiting you will go with his name on your lips and he will be there to greet you with open arms telling you how proud he is of you, and he will never leave your side again.”

Kíli closed his eyes at the tears that fell down his face, going willingly into the hug Ori pulled him into. They stayed like that for a long time, Ori providing comfort to his friend and only pulled away when a twig snapped nearby.

They both looked up to find Thorin looking down at them with a sad smile on his face before he came closer and sat down on Kíli’s free side, allowing his nephew to bury his face into his chest the moment he was seated.

Thorin placed a gentle hand on Kíli’s head, holding him there whilst his other hand rubbed his back soothingly. “This probably isn’t the time to bring this up but you needed to be told,” Thorin murmured as he rested his head on top of Kíli’s. “Fíli’s funeral has been arranged.”

Kíli pulled away at looked at Thorin with wide eyes, his heart clenching painfully. “What do you mean? When?”

Thorin sighed, brushing a loose strand of hair back from Kíli’s face. “Even though there’s nothing left your brother deserves a burial, and it’s only fair that our people, our family and more importantly _you_ have the chance to say goodbye.” He placed a gentle hand on his nephew’s cheek, his thumb stroking across the stubble gently. “Everything has already been arranged for tomorrow night.”

Kíli slumped back against the tree, his gaze unfocused as he mulled over his Uncle’s words. After everything that had happened over the last few days, even the thought of giving his brother a proper farewell had vanished; too caught up in his grief to even consider that act of finality. And here Thorin sat reminding him of the last act needed to farewell a loved one to grant their soul access to the Halls of their forefathers. He didn’t want to do it, he didn’t want a funeral because it meant that he really had to say goodbye, that what had happened was real and that he was expected to move on despite the emptiness in his heart.

Yet who was he to deny his beloved brother access to the Halls of Waiting? Who was he to be so selfish in the desire to hold off saying goodbye when his brother’s spirit would be forced to linger before being granted the access all warriors deserved?

“Kíli?”

Thorin’s quiet voice cut through his musings and he turned tear filled eyes on his Uncle.

“I understand this is hard,” Thorin sighed, “but we need the closure, you need it. And his spirit needs to be set free to join our ancestors.”

“I know,” he whispered back as he leaned into his Uncles side, welcoming the embrace Thorin wrapped him in.

“I know.”

 

* * *

 

It was a rare thing, being awake during the day. The Orcs had decided to stay where they were for the time being before moving on sometime tomorrow but whether that was because of the fact that they had gotten a bit too carried away with the torture the night before or had decided haste was not necessary at that point in time Fíli did not know.

He sat with his back against the tree as he looked down at Amber who lay next to him, dabbing a cloth over a particularly deep wound on her cheek. The pair of them had lost a fair amount of blood the night before after several of the Orcs got too frustrated at being denied the opportunity once again to torture the prisoners themselves and attacked the pair of them whilst Scarface had his back turned.

Neither had been able to escape as the fighting broke out and on top of the torture they had already gone through they found themselves trampled on and attacked as the two groups fought. When the last rebelling Orc had been choked to death by Scarface as a lesson to the others he and Amber had been tossed back to their corner of the camp after making sure Ambers hand was on his arm. He had been quite certain he was going to die that night and welcomed the infinite darkness with open arms yet once more Ambers healing abilities brought him back, and to their surprise a reprieve had been brought as well.

Fíli was jolted back from his thoughts as Amber hissed a breath when he pressed too harshly on the corner of the cut.

“Sorry,” he murmured as he pulled the cloth away. “It appears to be as clean as I can get it.” He pressed the back of his hand against her forehead when he saw how pale she had become.

“Are you okay?”

Ambers eyelids fluttered open and with a jolt of concern Fíli noticed how glazed her eyes were, her breathing heavy as she tried to focus on his face.

“Amber? What’s the matter?” He whispered, plunging a clean cloth in the bowl of cold water before placing it across her forehead. The coolness of the water seemed to help somewhat as she blinked several times before her gaze finally locked with his.

“A slight fever my friend, I believe I overtaxed my body healing us after what they did last night.” Her hoarse voice was a welcome relief to the silence he had been sitting in for some time.

“Is there anything you need?” He asked, his hands shooting out to steady her as she tried to sit up.

“Water,” Amber murmured as she collapsed against the tree, “and rest. That is all that we can do for now.”

She accepted the bowl of fresh water Fíli fetched for her and let out a sigh of relief as the first drops of the chilled liquid hit the back of her throat. After finishing two bowlfuls she waited for Fíli to finish his own drink before speaking once again.

“How long was I unconscious for?” She asked as she peered around the small clearing they were in. “Have we not moved?”

“I’m not sure how long we’ve been out for,” Fíli admitted as he offered her a wet piece of cloth to lay on her forehead. “I was probably only awake about an hour before you. As for where we are, yes we are in the same spot; I checked the tree you marked before they dragged us out yesterday, it’s there.” He nodded to the grass that hid her blue mark from prying eyes.

Amber nodded before resting her head against the trunk of the tree, letting the chill from the cloth wash through her in an effort to lower the fever that currently ravaged her body. “I am sorry, Fíli,” she sighed eventually.

He looked at her with a frown unsure if he had missed an entire conversation that prompted her to apologise to him.

“Whatever are you sorry for?”

“Every day we travel the further we get from your home. It is a fate worse than death knowing your loved ones believe you gone yet you are stuck in this living nightmare.”

Fíli reached over and grasped a bruised hand gently in his own. “Thank you,” he said softly, “but it is a fate I am coming to terms with. Having you here makes it easier, and if I die at least I know I had someone I can call friend with me. I know now there is no escape, it was foolish to think otherwise.”

Amber bit her lip nervously as she looked at him from the corner of her eye. “Fíli,” she stammered. “There might be a way to escape.”

“What?!” he hissed as he moved to kneel in front of her. “What do you mean you might know how to escape? You told me we were trapped!”

“That is because I believed we were!” Amber insisted. “However the thought came to me two nights ago and it, well it is not something I would have ever thought was possible, but the more I think about it the stronger the possibility it can work.”

“Well what are you waiting for?” he asked in bewilderment. “Get us out of here!”

Amber let out a sigh and fixed him with a patient yet exasperated look. “I want to get out of here as much as you do, but you must understand the plan I have in mind requires a large amount of power and energy, two things I am severely lacking at present as I have been healing our wounds consistently and getting no chance to recover. It will take time to build up the power I need, as well as making some sacrifices but I believe it can be done.”

“What kind of sacrifices?”

“When we are injured I heal the both of us as much as possible, but in order to reserve some of my energy only the most serious of wounds can be healed. Everything else we will just have to deal with, but that in turn means your energy will be lower, you will feel weaker as your body has to heal itself.

Fíli gripped her shoulders and looked her in the eye. “I don’t care what it takes,” he said firmly. “Do whatever you have too to get us out of here.”

“Alright,” Amber breathed in reply before her attention snapped to somewhere over his shoulder.

“Well well, look who’s finally decided to wake up.” Scarface sneered as he took in the pair of them, the guards flanking him cackling at their nervous faces.

“Let the others know breaks over,” the Orc ordered one of his pack. “We‘re moving out.”

Amber and Fíli drew back against the tree as a group of Orcs surged forwards, eventually bashing the prisoners over the head when they struggled too much, and after they had both slumped to the ground unconscious gags were shoved into their mouths before they were dragged off towards the Wargs once more.


	14. Into Eternity

**A/N: Hello everyone! So! The long awaited chapter! This has been the bane of my existence for the last few months as I've been purposefully avoiding it, but the time came to complete it and get it to you and praise Mahal I did! It came out better than what I thought it would.**

**So, there are two audio tracks for this chapter, the first is[Lily's Theme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uI_9kZ2qZNE) from Deathly Hallows part two, this plays twice in the first paragraph, and the second is [Into Eternity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zva5r36nHMc&list=PLWua_gIbyZLCvL68FwiWMzzTtLIzVKnAa&index=7) from Thor 2. A couple of important parts of the Into Eternity song match up with certain happenings in the story; 2:10 is when Kili shoots the arrow, and 2:48 is where he falls to his knees. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense and you don't have to listen to the tracks but they are what inspired the way I wrote this chapter.**

**Special shout out to[ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) and the 46 guests who've commented/kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

The glow from the fireplace was the only source of light in Kíli’s room, the dying flames barely chasing away the shadows strewn across his sombre face. He stood in front of the full length mirror, his eyes unseeing as he secured the last tie on his tunic, uncooperative fingers fumbling with the fabric as thoughts of his brother ran rampant in his mind.

He stared at his reflection without emotion, his eyes blinking slowly as though they themselves were weighed down with the knowledge of what was to come. A creak of hinges had his eyes flicking to the side in the mirror, watching over his shoulder as his mother slowly walked into the room. They stared at each other through the glass for several moments before Dís moved closer, tenderly picking up Kíli’s hair clasp from its place on the dresser and standing behind her son, gently gathering his hair and pinning it at the back in his usual style.

Kíli watched his mother as she pulled his hair into some semblance of order and noticed that her fingers lingered just a moment longer on his clasp, as though drawing some unseen strength from it. He turned to face her, closing his eyes briefly as her hands came up to cup his face. He exhaled softly as her thumbs stroked the dark shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep and crying silently into his pillow all night while clutching his brother’s stuffed lion to his chest.

Dís turned her son towards her, placing a soft but lingering kiss to his brow before tapping their foreheads together lightly and pulling him against her, to lean into her for comfort and strength. She would have taken standing there for eternity over what was about to come, but the soft patter of boots on stones by the door had her pulling away and the pair turned and faced Thorin. Staring at Thorin now, dressed in coal black furs and leather was unfortunately not that uncommon a sight, for his mourning outfit had been used one time too many in his lifetime.

Thorin locked eyes with his sister and nephew before bowing his head to the pair, signalling that it was time for them to join their people. He watched as Kíli took a shaky breath before scooping up the stuffed lion Fíli had refused to part with as they moved from adolescence into adulthood, and slipped it inside his tunic pocket.

He told himself it was there to draw strength from if he needed it to get through the night, but he knew deep down that it was the last connection he’d ever have to his brother, and it only felt right to have it there with him. Inhaling deeply Kíli turned on his heel and exited the room, all three dwarves walking in silence as they tried to deal with the emotions that were ravaging their hearts.

 

The light of the full moon cast an ethereal glow on the land as the three exited their home, and a soft breeze ruffled their hair as they made their way to the town gates. Kíli kept his head down as they walked, because now was not the time to try and appreciate the natural beauty of the landscape especially as the wilderness that he had associated with safety for so long only brought about a sense of anger; anger at the world for its cruelty, for taking his brother from him, for going on like nothing had changed when his whole world had shattered.

His thoughts were clouded in grief so why was the moon shining so bright? Why was it not hiding in a sky filled with clouds that threatened to burst with rain just like his own emotions wanted to burst free? No, in that moment he hated the wilderness and the world because it had turned its back on him, it had taken away the one that mattered to him most.

They arrived in the town square and Kíli felt a tightness in his chest as he looked around the faces of those that had gathered. Every dwarf and man had come out that night, all dressed in black and many with lanterns dangling from their fingers. He watched as Thorin moved forwards and the crowd parted for him, every person there bowing their head as their king in exile passed. He followed after his uncle, every footstep feeling heavier the closer to the gate he got and his fingers clenched painfully in the fur of Fíli’s toy lion. He wasn’t aware of those bowing their heads in respect to him as he and Dís passed, nor that the crowd gathered together once more and followed them in procession. He kept his gaze on his uncles back; a strong sturdy presence like an Oak tree that despite the battering of grief he had suffered through would remain standing tall.

And so, led by a much loved king in exile the community of Ered Luin passed the gates of their home to farewell their fallen prince one last time.

 

* * *

 

Kíli came to a stop behind his uncle and it took him several moments to realise where they were. They were on the shores of the River Lhûn; the place where he and Fíli had learnt to swim when they were younger, the place that he and Fíli frequented when they wanted to swim or fish, away from others and free of responsibilities. He wasn’t sure why they had stopped here, but as he looked further upstream he noticed the townspeople stopping at a raft, and from the shadows of the lanterns he saw offerings being placed on top before joining them once more. He frowned and turned his attention to Thorin, unsure of what was happening when he spotted something next to Thorin that made his heart stop.

A plaque set in polished stone that came to Thorin’s hip.

A plaque for Fíli.

His breath hitched in his throat as he moved towards it to read what had been inscribed.

 

_Fíli,_

_Here lies the final resting place of Fíli, son of Dís and Víali, heir to Thorin Oakenshield and brother to Kíli._  
_Never shall he be forgotten;_  
 _The warrior, the prankster, the diplomat, the swordsman,_  
 _A loved nephew, a cherished son,_  
 _A best friend and irreplaceable brother._

 

A sob escaped his lips and he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain that threatened to tear free, barely noticing the weight of his mother at his side as she wrapped her arm around him and gave him a gentle hug. He fixed tear filled eyes on her and she stroked a hand across his face, brushing the loose hairs that had fallen free out of his eyes.

He looked at Thorin when his uncle began to speak; as he talked of Fíli and the kind of dwarf he had been, of what he hoped he would become and the hole that his death would forever leave in their hearts. Soft cries and whimpers echoed through all those that were gathered for Fíli had been loved by all; he was kind and caring, quick with a laugh and even faster with a blade. He was someone the children wished to be when they grew up and someone the adults wished was their son for the grace and honour and pride that he brought to his family. He was someone that could never be replaced, never be forgotten.

Someone Kíli wanted back more than anything in the world.

Thorin turned and looked to two dwarves who were standing on the edge of the people gathered and after receiving a nod from their king both dwarrows walked back to the raft, whilst Balin came forward and handed Thorin Kíli’s bow. He turned to face his nephew and held it out to him with the prepared arrow whose tip was wrapped in an oil drenched cloth.

Kíli looked between the bow and his uncle, not understanding what he was meant to do with it, but when he saw Balin move forward with a lit candle in his hands and watched as the two dwarves pushed the raft into the river so it could float past them to the sea he understood. With shaking hands he grasped the bow, breathing heavily through his nose as the tears were once again held back.

He shuffled forward, aware that the eyes of the town were on him and he watched through watery eyes as the raft came floating down the river; flowers and letters to the fallen prince stacked on top. As it drew nearer Balin appeared beside him and despite wanting to hide away from the world for the rest of his life whilst he grieved for what he had lost Kíli placed the arrow to the candle, watching emotionlessly as the strip of cloth wound around the arrowhead caught fire.

He turned back to the river and watched numbly as the water carried the raft past him and turning to face it he drew the arrow back; feathers against his cheek, string taut and arms aching before he released it. The dull thunk it made as it embedded itself in the wood was all Kíli needed to know he hit his mark, and after several moments the fire spread on the raft until it resembled a burning pyre as it floated away; carrying with it the soul of the brother he loved.

The bow slipped from his fingers, the quiet thud of wood on stone echoed in the silence as a shaking hand delved inside his tunic and withdrew a knife, one of Fíli’s that he had refused to part with and the only time it left his body was when he slept, even then it was stored under his pillow. Kíli walked to the plaque and raised his hands over it, his free hand grasping the blade and he dragged it through his closed fist, pulling the knife free before squeezing his hand tightly and allowing his blood to drip onto the stone, the glistening red drops seeping into the carving of his brother’s name.

It was then that Kíli allowed the tears to flow and he fell to his knees, harsh sobs tearing from his lips as he pressed his head and bleeding hand against the stone, his shoulders shaking in grief.

“Goodbye my brother,” he whispered, wishing more than anything that he could join his brother rather than go through life in the dark and alone.

A gentle hand on his head and a soft murmur of his name had Kíli looking up at his mother and Uncle who were standing behind him and saw the tears and grief echoed on their faces. But it was the soft light behind his mother that caught his attention and he stood, looking around the villagers that had gathered and saw that every dwarf and man, woman and child alike held a blue lantern.

At some unseen signal the lanterns were released and the dwarves began their grieving song; a lone voice started the call and was slowly joined by others. A single tear slipped from Kíli’s eye as he looked at his mother and uncle and saw that they each held their own lantern, a third one held between them as they extended it towards him.

He grasped the blue paper delicately, looking to his mother then to Thorin tearfully before he raised his arm and pushed it into the air, watching as their lanterns sailed up to join the hundreds of lanterns that floated up towards the stars, carrying the memory of a golden haired dwarf towards the maker and guiding his soul home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not the traditional way for dwarves to bury their dead, but when they lack a body to bury I decided to go with the Norse tradition of a body (or in this case flowers and letters) on a pyre/raft which is set ablaze, allowing the fire to free the spirit. And as stated, the lanterns help to guide the spirit to the Makers halls.
> 
> It's basically all influenced by the second Thor movie and the funeral for Frigga.


	15. I'm Learning To Let You Go

**A/N: Hello everyone! MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Hope you all had an awesome day and got spoiled rotten and feasted like Dwarves in Erebor! :P Haha this was meant to be out a few hours ago but somehow the moment I finished my Christmas pudding I got comfortable, opened the chapter... and fell asleep for an hour O.o that was totally unexpected, although I only got 4 hours sleep the night before as I started work at 0630 so that might be why lol.**

**Anyway little bit of a time jump as you'll see, and not to get you all excited but everything will be coming to a head in a few chapters, things are about to go down! So hang in there for that!**

**Special shout out to[potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 50 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**My Christmas gift to you all!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

Kíli dropped his head onto the desk with a thud, letting out a groan of pain and boredom. Ori and Gimli, who were sitting beside him chuckled and he glared at them pointedly. The past three months had been filled with nothing books, classes and more books, and to say he was bored was an understatement. His day that were once dedicated to archery lessons or hunting excursions now saw him locked inside Balin’s study as he tried to make heads or tails of the laws and traditions of their people now he was heir.

He now understood Fíli would often come home and grab his weapons before dragging him out the door to train until they were both ready to collapse from exhaustion. Spending days hunched over dusty books and scrolls that would be best left in the past was not his idea of fun.

Like, at all.

There was a pang in his chest when he thought of his brother. It had been three months since he had said goodbye to his best friend, and despite being told by many the pain had yet to disappear completely. He had good days when he thought about Fíli and the pain was minimal; like how they used to play fight when they were children, how they had put honey through Dwalins comb and had to hide for an hour due to how furious the bald warrior had been, especially when Thorin burst out laughing every time he looked at him, and how Fíli spent hours with Kíli to help him perfect his archery.

But for every good day there were two bad ones.

On those days Kíli didn’t want to leave his room, wishing he could just hide from the world because the thought of facing it was just too hard? Why should he be allowed to laugh and have fun, run across the grass or feel the wind in his hair when his brother could not do the same beside him?

The first month had been the worst for him, as well as for his mother and uncle but as time went on the pain had in some ways become slightly bearable. Or perhaps it was the pointless scrolls he was forced to read that took his mind off his brother. Whatever the reason, he was both grateful for the ease of his pain and guilty that it wasn’t eternal as he believed it should be.

“The abundance of knowledge weighing your head down?” Ori’s quiet snicker cut through his musings and Kíli couldn’t help but make a face at his friend in annoyance.

“Honestly, most of this doesn’t even apply to the town these days! So why bother learning them at all?” He whined back.

“Because,” Gimli said in a poor imitation of Balin. “The laws may not apply here but when we return to Erebor they are what we’ll use to keep the peace. It is a big place that will have many people after all. These texts are sacred and must be treated as such.”

“Yeah? Well we’ll see how sacred they are when they all go up in flames when someone knocks a candle over as they fall asleep reading them,” Kíli grumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest with a huff. Ori and Gimli looked each other before snorting with laughter, and despite his best efforts he found himself laughing as well.

Just then a knock on the door interrupted them and all three looked towards it with grins on their faces as it opened.

“Studying is not meant to be a fun activity,” a low voice rumbled before Thorin’s head appeared around the door.

“Uncle!” Kíli cried as he leapt to his feet and hurried over, wrapping his arms around Thorin and he couldn’t help but grin when he was enveloped in strong hug.

“It does my heart good to see you again nephew,” Thorin murmured, pressing a kiss to Kíli’s hair. “And to hear your laugh once more.”

Kíli drew away from Thorin with an embarrassed smile. He knew that both Thorin and his mother had worried over him greatly in that first month, and Thorin had had to leave in the second month so Kíli knew he would have been travelling with no knowledge of how his nephew was faring.

Of course he would have been worried.

“I’ve missed you Uncle,” he admitted, glancing at his boots shyly. “Having you gone so soon after… it was hard losing another one even though I knew you would return.”

Thorin’s quiet laughter warmed his heart and he started when a gentle hand cupped his cheek, raising his face so they could look at each other.

“I have missed you too, Kíli,” Thorin said with a smile. “Come, I believe you have taxed your brains enough for one day so why don’t you escort your old Uncle home and tell me what you have been up to these last two months.”

He looked at Ori and Gimli as Kíli collected his belongings and gave them a smile. “I also believe you are both done for the day, I will inform Balin I let you all leave early.”

The prospect of leaving several hours earlier than intended had the three young dwarves letting out a whoop and quickly tidying up their mess. There was a hurried collection of their belongings and all three sprinted out the door, Kíli stopping beside Thorin’s pack and hefting onto his shoulder as he waited for him to finish talking with Balin.

When Thorin joined him he gave Kíli a grateful smile before the pair set off down the path for home; Kíli asking for details of his trip and Thorin answering what he could. He was glad to see Kíli’s spirit back after the grief they had all suffered; the light which once shone so bright in his eyes had sputtered out, but it was only now that Thorin believed he could see an echo of what was once there.

“So,” Kíli asked hesitantly. “Did you find it? Did you find the trail?”

Thorin sighed and shook his head at his nephew, not having to look to see the disappointment on his face nor the sagging of his shoulders. “No, I found nothing more after the second campsite. The world is big, and there are many places they could have gone. I tried tracking them but the ground was too dry to find reliable indentations.”

Just before Thorin’s trip Kíli, Gimli and Dwalin had been out hunting when they stumbled upon a makeshift campsite, scraps and gouges in the land indicating that the Orc pack had camped there. Thinking that they might be able to still track the pack a month after they had attacked, Kíli set out to try and find where they had gone, only to be dragged home by Dwalin and Gimli to tell Thorin what they had found.

He had been furious when Thorin told him he was not to track the pack, and had only stopped arguing with Thorin when Dís begged him not to go; crying that she had already lost one son and couldn’t bear the thought of losing another. He’d made Thorin swear that he would do what he could to track them down and his uncle had agreed, reminding Kíli that the chances of finding anything were slim to none as time had gone by and nature was good at covering tracks.

“It was a long shot,” Kíli admitted sadly, “stupid, wishful thinking I guess.”

Thorin stopped his nephew with a hand on his shoulder and touched their foreheads together before drawing back. “I too wish I had found them Kíli, I would have liked nothing more than to have removed their heads from their shoulders for what they have done to our family. Never regret wanting to find and slaughter the filth that dared harm our family.”

When Kíli nodded in understanding he clapped his nephew on the shoulder. “Now come,” he said as he started walking once more. “Let us surprise your mother with my visit so she knows to prepare food enough for the three of us tonight rather than having me eat the pitiful food at the tavern.”

“Learned your lesson from last time have you?” Kíli chuckled.

Thorin just rolled his eyes.

 

* * *

 

The sound of arguing roused Fíli from his fitful sleep and as he sat up he noticed Amber crouched by a nearby boulder, one that separated them from their captors.

“What’s happening?” he whispered, causing Amber to jump in shock.

She gave him a pointed look before focusing on the scene unfolding in front of her once more.

“We have company,” she whispered back. “Another Orc pack, although I am unsure whether they were passing by or planned to meet here.”

Fíli frowned at the new information and struggled to his knees, blinking as black spots danced across his vision from the loss of blood the night before. After Ambers’ revelation that she might be able to free them she had resorted to only healing the most serious of wounds, and not even then had they been fully healed. After the first month Fíli asked if her plan was working and she admitted that it was beginning to, although it wasn’t going as well as she’d hoped as the storing of her energy was proving to take longer than she had anticipated. It didn’t help that it was taking them several days to recover from the blood loss and fevers that constantly plagued them, as well as the constant beatings she was receiving from their captor for not healing the pair of them as she had been. When she had told Scarface it was due to the fact that there were two of them she had to heal and it was taking its toll he threatened that if she didn’t fix both of them he would kill Fíli to remove the ‘problem’. After that she had been forced to use more of her energy to stop anything more permanent happening to either of them.

He crawled forwards, leaning heavily on Amber when he stopped in order to get his breath back before looking up to see what was occurring. The Orcs were arguing in black speech so Fíli didn’t know what the problem was, but due to the language of the Orcs being similar to Elvish Amber was able to understand some of what was being said.

“Rohan,” she whispered, frowning in concentration. “Something about Rohan. I believe he is saying that something has increased along the borders of the Horse Masters lands.”

“Patrols?” Fíli asked quietly, his eyes assessing the new arrivals.

“Perhaps. I do not think it is a random occurrence either; I believe they may have attacked a village hence the increase at the borders of their land.”

Fíli couldn’t help but agree with her assessment; out of the pack of thirty or so a dozen of the new Orcs had injuries and others seemed to be fighting over weapons and other loot they had stolen.

“At least we know where we are now,” Fíli whispered. “It’s more than what we’ve known for the last two months.”

Amber nodded silently, her gaze still on the Orcs when she suddenly stiffened, and Fíli’s eyes shot forwards to what could have alarmed her when he realised that the leader of the new Orc pack was making its way towards them, a forked tongue flicking out to lick its lips.

Fíli scrambled backwards, Amber by his side as the Orc began yelling in Westron meaning there was no way Fíli could misunderstand him.

“Well well, looks like you’ve got yourself some fresh meat ‘ere! Good thing too, me an the boys were getting ‘ungry.”

Scarface grasped the Orc around the neck and hauled him backwards, pulling him close so they were face to face.

“They are not for eating.”

“Why? Who says?” was the sneered response. “We ain’t had nothing fresh for a week!”

Scarface snarled, and before Fíli or Amber could so much as blink he pulled a knife from his belt and plunged it into the Orc.

What exactly happened next, Fíli didn’t know. One moment the Orc in Scarface’s grasp was squealing as it was gutted, the next utter chaos broke out around them. Amber threw herself on top of Fíli as the fighting broke out between the packs; Orc fighting Orc, Warg fighting Warg. Amber let out a gasp of pain as a Warg leapt over the rock separating the pack from its prisoners and the claws from its back paw raked down her side as it landed, yet still she shielded him.

How long the fighting lasted for neither of them knew, only that a silence echoed through the clearing when the last Orc from whichever pack that lost had died. The pair of them lay on the ground, shaking in fear as they waited for their fate to be decided; it was either Scarface who would keep them alive for his master, or the other Orc who would feed them to his pack.

Heavy footsteps on the ground had them looking towards the clearing and to their relief Scarface appeared; his black skin and blade slick with blood and several open wounds littering his body. They watched as he walked towards them, a snarl on his face as he panted and when they looked up at him in fear he lifted his leg, bringing his boot crashing down on their heads one after the other and leaving them unconscious in his wake.

“WE’RE MOVING OUT!”


	16. It's Been Six Months To The Day Since We Said Goodbye

**A/N: Hello everyone! To be honest not sure if anyone is still reading this but what the hell, I won't leave it unfinished as I hate abandoned fics. Anyway sorry for the delay in getting this out, as some of you may have seen I've been focused on writing Because It Was Expected Of Him. After this I may start on the final chapter or do a bit of drawing for one of my stories, not sure yet.**

**Anyway for those still hanging around there's some good news for someone at the end of this chapter, so let me know what you think! By the by, I'm not 100% happy with this chapter as it's been a while since I've written for this story and I really struggled with this chapter, not sure why but I was. Hopefully it's to your standards :)  
**

****Also the stuff in Italics is a bit graphic in the violence just as a heads up!****

**A special shout out to[AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 53 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

Soft light filtered through the windows of the small house, the silence only broken by Dís’s quiet footsteps as she moved around the kitchen ladling porridge into three bowls. The front door opened suddenly and she shivered at the blast of cold air that followed Thorin as he ducked inside, his arms laden with firewood.

“The snow has eased up,” Thorin informed her as he moved to the sitting room, placing his burden in the basket before throwing several logs onto the fire. Satisfied there was enough wood to last the rest of the morning if not the rest of the day Thorin followed his nose back to the kitchen, falling into one of the chairs with less grace than a king ought to have.

“Will you and Kíli still be going to the forge today?” She asked, sliding the honey towards him and collecting the kettle from over the fire, pouring the water into a cup and allowing the tea leaves to steep.

Thorin hummed in agreement as he drizzled the honey onto his breakfast. “The snow was heavy last night so people are likely to stay indoors, especially with the chill out there. It will give us time to catch up on the orders we have and if all goes well we should be home early.”

“Alright, I’ll go wake Kíli. The sooner you've both eaten the sooner you can both get started and come home. I do not wish to be alone tonight.”

Dís left the kitchen leaving Thorin to his thoughts, and as he ate his gaze was drawn to the chair beside him, staring at it sadly. It had been six months to the day since Fíli had passed away and the pain of losing him was still raw. None of them had had the heart to pack his belongings away and the chair that sat at Thorin’s left, Fíli’s chair, was avoided at all costs out of respect. Even when they had guests over his chair was left empty and instead others were brought to the table, as though they could somehow keep Fíli’s spirit with them despite knowing they could never get him back.

Just as he was about to take another mouthful of his breakfast Dís came hurrying back into the kitchen, her eyes wide and fear marring her delicate features. The look of terror was so real that it had Thorin surging up from the table, his chair falling and clattering noisily against the stone floor as he hurried to her.

“What is it, Dís? Speak to me!”

Dís gripped her brother’s arms as his hands made their way to her shoulders. “Kíli, he’s gone! He’s not in his room!” 

Whilst Kíli was old enough to look after himself, Dís had become stricter on the freedom she allowed her youngest since Fíli had passed. No longer was he allowed to leave without telling her or go hunting without company; and although at times it was often suffocating for the young Dwarrow Kíli had done his best to abide by his mother’s wishes, knowing full well it was fear of losing him that had brought these rules about.

Which made Kíli’s disappearance all the more worrying.

No sooner had Thorin hurried into the hall on his way to the bedrooms when something on the weapons rack caught his eye; or rather lack thereof. He stopped and breathed a sigh of relief, pointing to the area where Kíli’s weapons normally resided.

“I think I know where he’s gone.”

 

* * *

 

As they approached the training grounds they saw Kíli hard at work, his sword in his hand and attacking one of the training dummies without pause. The dull  _thunk_  his blade made every time it buried itself in the wood echoed softly over the snow covered ground. They leaned against the railing of the training ring, watching as Kíli whirled away from his opponent and proceeded to block, parry and thrust against invisible foes.

He was beginning to tire, they both could see that and if he didn’t stop soon Thorin knew he was going to injure himself. With that in mind he jumped over the railing and approached his nephew, his hand on the hilt of his sword as a precaution. If Kíli knew his Uncle was there he didn’t show it, and instead continued his fight.

“Kíli.”

Thorin said his name softly, barely heard above the wind in the trees yet Kíli spun all the same and it was only then that Thorin understood the reason for the unexpected training session. Tears were running down Kíli’s face; his cheeks were flushed and his eyes stained red. He was panting harshly and let out a yell before swinging at him, Thorin barely having time to raise his own sword to defend himself before they were engaged in a fierce fight.

Although Kíli’s attacks were brutal, his strength was waning to the point Thorin knew he could easily knock the sword clean out of his hand. But he didn’t. It was clear Kíli needed to get his anger out of his system and if that meant pushing him to the point of near collapse then that was what Thorin would give him.

The sparring continued with Thorin rarely attacking, choosing to remain on the defensive throughout their fight until Kíli, taking a swing at him missed when he sidestepped and the young brunet crashed to the ground from the momentum. He waited to see whether he’d get back up and carry on, but he didn’t. Kíli had abandoned his sword and was hunched over in the snow, his shoulders visibly shaking and gasping sobs rang out across the silent field.

Thorin cast his sword aside and hurried forwards, falling to his knees in front of his nephew and barely registered Dís doing the same. He placed a gentle hand on Kíli's shoulder and to his surprise Kíli fell into his chest, his hands latching onto his coat as sob after heartbroken sob tore from his lips.

Startled but aware of the comfort he needed Thorin wrapped protective arms around the sobbing brunet, one arm releasing his nephew to embrace his sister and the three huddled in the snow, the two adults protecting the youngest with love and strength. Eventually Kíli’s sobs petered out and he leaned against Thorin wearily, the occasional hitch in his breath the only indication he hadn’t passed out in exhaustion.

“Let’s get him home,” Dís whispered, pushing off from the ground to pick up the fallen weapons. Thorin scooped Kíli into his arms and carried the younger dwarf home, and he chuckled at the annoyed yet resigned sigh Kíli made when he realised his protests on the arrangement were being ignored. When they arrived Thorin headed straight for Kíli’s room, nudging the door open with his foot and placed him down gently on his bed.

The moment Kíli was released he pushed himself to the head of the bed and wrapped his arms around his legs, his head tucked against them and he didn’t move despite feeling Thorin’s eyes on him.

“What happened, Kíli?”

The question was soft, hesitant, yet it still made Kíli flinch. He had never had to deal with a dream of this intensity before and fleeing the house to train had seemed like the less destructive method of forcing it away.

Dís entered the room, a tray with cups of warm mead in her hands and looked at her son sadly. “Please sweetheart, talk to us.”

“Nightmare,” Kíli mumbled into his arms, still refusing to meet either of their eyes.

“A nightmare caused you to flee to the training grounds?”

“It was about Fee.”

Thorin and Dís bowed their heads in understanding. Kíli had been plagued by nightmares ever since his brother’s death; forced to relive their final moments together or watch as he was tortured in front of him, helpless to stop what would happen. At the start they had been a nightly occurrence, yet as time slipped by they became less frequent and only came back when he was stressed or worried.

Kíli let out a whimper, his hands tugging at his hair harshly. “It was about that night! I just stood there and watched as he -”

“Shh Kíli, shh. We understand. It’s okay, it’s okay...” Thorin soothed as he tried to remove his nephew’s hands from his hair.

Kíli tore himself away from his uncle and mother. “No! It’s not alright! It’s been six months! Six months! You promised me it would get easier! You promised that it would stop hurting this much!”

He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, wishing that the pain would just leave him. He'd lost his brother; he knew that Fíli was never coming back yet the pain was still a consuming force in his heart. Part of him just wanted to be rid of it; free to remember his brother for who he was rather than what had happened to him, but the other part was too terrified to let go of the pain because it would feel like he was dishonouring his brother and forgetting about his sacrifice.

Dís sat on the bed next to her son and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him into her side and he rested his head on her shoulder. “I know it hurts my sweet,” she said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “And I know it seems like there’s no end to the pain but I promise you it does get easier, trust us on this. We have had to deal with it often enough to know.”

Kíli's fingers strayed under his pillow and wrapped around the object he knew would be underneath. He pulled it out and hugged it to his chest and when Thorin realised what it was he felt his breath catch in his throat for it was none other than Fíli’s stuffed lion. It had been a gift Thíali had picked up for his eldest son before he was born; like the Raven Kíli had received the day of his birth. And whilst Kíli’s remained on a shelf in his room Fíli’s had made its way underneath his brothers pillow, likely to be held in times the brunet needed strength to deal with the absence in his heart.

“I miss him,” Kíli whispered, a single tear tracking down a flushed cheek. “I just wish he was here.”

“So do we, little Raven. So do we.”

 

* * *

 

It felt as though a thousand needles were pricking his skin as he turned over, a small whimper slipping from his lips as his injuries and muscles protested the slightest movement, the snow beneath him biting into his skin mercilessly.

Letting out a small gasp at the cold Fíli cracked his eyes open and peered around; praying he hadn’t been heard as his fingers searched out his blanket while hoping to sleep a little longer to give his body time to fully recover. When his fingers brushed over the fur he dragged it over his barely clad torso, shivering as the snow that had clung to the blanket melted on his skin.

While he tucked it around himself he couldn’t help but think how grateful he was for Ambers’ insistence on finding something that would keep them warm when the winter set in. She had pleaded with Scarface that if nothing was done, if they were left to fight the elements themselves she couldn’t promise that Fíli would get through the winter months alive; that the snow and the cold would kill him in his sleep if his injuries didn’t do it first. Her request came with a price, however, and they had both been forced to go through a severe beating before Scarface deemed it payment enough.

Even the beating hadn’t been enough, because Orcs relish any opportunity they get to attack an unsuspecting town, and it was that that had truly been the most severe punishment of all. He and Amber had been dragged to the gate, forced to kneel at the entry to the settlement and watch as the Orcs plundered and set fire to the buildings, forced to listen as the screams of women and children filled the evening air and watch as they were slaughtered as they fled.

All because they had wanted to get through the winter.

_“There is nothing we can do to avoid it,” Amber had whispered in his ear. They were kneeling side by side and he buried his face in her shoulder, his body shaking with silent tears, unable to watch anymore as innocent children were killed before their eyes. “This must be done Fíli, I refuse to lose you. I made you a promise to get you home and I intend to keep it.”_

_After the last cry died on the wind Scarface approached them, flesh spattered with blood that glistened in the setting sun. He shoved a fur blanket into Fíli’s chest, and grinned when he whimpered at the blood that smeared down his chest as it fell to the ground. Turning to the elf he grasped her face with his blood soaked hand and pulled her to her feet, savouring the look of disgust and horror as she felt the warmth and slickness smear across her face. He barked an order to his troops and he grinned, pushing his prisoners forward and forcing them to walk through the town to where the rest of the pack was waiting. Neither were allowed to look away or close their eyes as they passed the countless bodies that littered the streets, a lash of the whip delivered each time they tried._

_Once they reached the town edge Scarface turned on the pair of them, grabbing them by the hair and forcing them to turn to look at the carnage one last time._

_“I ‘ope your blankets serve you well.”_

Fíli felt bile rise in his throat as he tried to push the sight of the dead children from his mind. With his heart racing and his head hurting from the memories he knew that sleep was no longer possible, instead pushing up into a sitting position with shaking arms. He looked at Amber who was curled up beside him, noting with worry the dark circles beneath her eyes and the large trail of dried blood down the side of her head from the blow that had knocked her out the night before.

The plan she had formed to store enough of her power to help free them wasn’t working as well as either of them had hoped. It was as though Scarface had been aware of the small hope that they both held for freedom, and so he in turn had taken to beating them even when they were unconscious; inflicting as much damage as possible to increase the amount of time and energy Amber spent in healing their wounds.

As he stood, the ache in his muscles and the pull of skin in some of the areas that had received the brunt of the lashes told him that Amber had once again spent time healing him the night before. He hobbled away from their sleeping area, trying to keep the crunch of snow under his boots as silent as possible so as not to disturb her. He felt guilty about the exhaustion that healing him brought her, and knew that dying would stop the pain she was putting herself through.

Following the quiet noise that broke the silence of the early morning Fíli soon found the stream that gurgled close by and knelt on the bank, dipping his hands in to remove the dirt and blood that seemed to permanently grace them. He withdrew with a gasp, the cold making him shiver violently and he rubbed his hands together to get some feeling back before plunging them in again. Once they were as clean as he had any hope of getting them he cupped his hands and began drinking in earnest, sighing as the cold water soothed his aching throat on the way down.

His reflection caught his eye and he lowered his hands slowly, and he knew he’d be lying if he said his heart didn’t sink at the sight.

No longer did a toned and well-built dwarf with golden hair smirk back at him; in his place was a frail, thin dwarf whose bones were visible beneath the skin every time he shifted. His hair was no longer a recognisable gold; instead it was dirty, matted and uneven where chunks had been cut or ripped out, scars from injuries months past peeked out from underneath the rags he called clothes and his pale and sickly coloured sick from being underfed easily showed every bruise on his already damaged body.

His fingers brushed his face, following the curves where his cheeks had become sunken and shallow, and they brushed lightly across the dark circles that had formed under his eyes. The sight stole his thirst and hunger, and so Fíli slid himself backwards until his back hit a tree. He pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, burying his face as he cried; not for what he saw in his reflection but for the death of the dwarf he had once been.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there; once he’d cried himself out he stayed huddled against the base of the tree, trying to keep warm and letting the sounds of the stream lull him to sleep when a gentle hand on his shoulder made him jump. He looked up and found Amber beside him, smiling sadly at him. She sat down beside him slowly, groaning in pain and he looked at the bundles in her hand curiously, trying to work out when she could’ve acquired anything of worth.

Amber grinned when she caught his expression and once she had made herself comfortable she unwrapped one of them, chuckling at Fíli’s gasp of surprise.

“Blackberries?! Amber, where did you find them?”

“I found them last night on one of the bushes further downstream and managed to get enough before my guard came looking for me. We have gone without proper food for so long I knew I could not pass up the opportunity.” She grinned at him before placing the whole thing in his hands, picking up the second and opening it for herself. “Ensure you eat slowly Fíli, it has been many moons since we have eaten something solid, and if you eat too many too quickly your stomach is likely to cramp and bring them back up.”

Keeping her warning in mind Fíli plucked the first berry off the top and bit into it slowly, groaning in joy at the burst of juice that landed on his tongue, savouring the taste as it slid down his throat. They sat quietly as they enjoyed the rare delicacy, trying to hold onto the taste for as long as possible as they knew it would probably be the last time they’d come across something like this again.

“We’re nearly at the end, aren’t we?” he asked quietly, his finger tracing one of the fruits gently. Although he couldn’t understand everything Scarface would yell at his troops, certain words and the sadness that had appeared on Ambers face as he spoke the night before had given him enough of a clue to what was being said.

Amber sighed and looked at him sadly. “Aye,” she murmured. “Wherever it is they plan to take us, he believes we shall be there in several weeks. I am so, so sorry Fíli.”

“For what?”

Amber bowed her head, unable to look her companion in the eye. “I promised to get you back to your people and I have done no such thing, I have failed you, mellon. Please forgive me.”

He closed a hand around hers and gave her a small smile when she raised her head. “I forgive you. You have done your best; I know that and it is more than I deserve. My death, when it comes…” he sighed as he looked to the patch of blue sky peeking out from the clouds. “I shall welcome it.”

“You cannot mean that!”

“I do, Amber. I’m no longer the dwarf I once was. All the pain and suffering I have been through these past months, I don’t think I can take anymore. I wish to go to the Makers Halls and await my family in peace and comfort. If I’m honest, it’s these thoughts that have been driving me to survive lately.”

Amber looked at the sad dwarf beside her and felt her heart ache. It didn’t matter that he had forgiven her for not being able to free him, she had still failed him and it was that thought that brought tears to her eye. Forgetting the berries she placed an arm around him and hugged him against her side, placing a kiss on the top of his head before resting her head on his.

“If that is to be your wish,” she murmured into dirtied hair, “then I will do what I can for you.”

Just as Fíli opened his mouth to respond a bird burst through the trees, startling the pair of them. It flew towards the Orcs, and they both laughed away their shock when a roar had them looking at each other in confusion. When the yelling didn’t stop they scrambled up and hurried to the edge of the camp to see what all the fuss was about.

Whatever had happened had Scarface so enraged that he was strangling one of the Orcs when they arrived, and Fíli barely had time to take in the scene in front of him before Amber dashed from their hiding place. She grabbed something from the ground and hurried back, diving behind the rock before she was seen.

“What’re you doing?” He hissed as she spread what appeared to be a piece of skin with markings on it on the ground.

Amber ignored him as she examined it, her brown creasing as she read.

“What does it say? Amber?”

“These are orders,” She whispered slowly.

“What kind of orders?”

“We are to be taken to… Forlindon?” Amber looked away from the skin as she thought. “Forlindon… Forlindon… I have heard the name before, but I barely recall it.”

Fíli frowned as he thought, and when he remembered where it was the realisation was like a blow to the stomach. His gasp brought Amber’s attention to him and she could see the barely concealed hope on his face.

“Fíli? What is it?”

“Forlindon,” he replied, barely able to breathe through his excitement. “Forlindon is behind the Blue Mountains! Behind my home! Amber…”

Words failed him but the fire that suddenly blazed to life in Ambers eyes told him she understood completely.

“Fíli, you are going home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case people were wondering, Fili and Amber would have washed the blankets in a stream before using them. I don't think either of them would have the heart to use blankets that are still caked in blood.
> 
> Also Forlindon is an actual place in Middle Earth, it's not made up. If you take a look at Tolkien's map you will see right behind Ered Luin is Forlindon. My guess is its a dwarven version of Laketown or actually a town of men.


	17. In Dreams

**A/N: Hello everyone! So a short but by no means less important update for you all. I feel like this one may have been rushed but I wanted to get it done and out of the way so I could finish writing Because It Was Expected Of Him, which by the by I have almost finished writing as well. Hopefully it'll be up by the end of the week!**

**On a side note, in regards to the last chapter, I apologise if my comment of wondering if anyone was still reading came off wrong or anything, I know how it can get to run out of things to say about a story until something significant happens and if anyone was like "urgh another person digging for comments" I totally wasn't it was more out of genuine curiosity that I asked. Sorry for bringing it up I think I'm one of those people who feels like they have to clarify every little thing they say so people don't read into any other way than the way it was meant. Hmm... maybe that's why I get told I talk too much, I don't want people to get the wrong idea.**

**Meh who knows. Anyway, as a massive teaser for you, a reunion is on the very near horizon, whether that is a good thing or not remains to be seen, but you have been warned :D**

**Special shout out to[Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 65 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**I'm the crazy person on[Tumblr](http://filikilithorinforever.tumblr.com/) XD**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

Fíli slumped against the tree, groaning as the bark dug into the half healed wounds littering his back and prayed that he would be left alone for the remainder of the night. Once again they had been the evening entertainment for their captors, and once again Fíli had wished for death with every strike of the whip.

The torture of choice he had been forced to endure was the one he hated the most; the one where he was forced to deliver the punishment to Amber until she collapsed before he received his own. Whips, fire and blades; he was forced to use them all until the elf no longer moved and if he held back even once on the intensity of his blows... He shuddered, not wanting to relive the memories of the first time he had tried to hold back; for days he’d been terrified he’d never get the full use of his hands and feet again despite Amber’s assurances they had healed. 

But the Orcs entertainment didn’t stop there. The moment Scarface was satisfied with the amount of blood and injuries on the elf he turned the whip on him, beating him relentlessly until he was barely clinging to consciousness before dragging them back to their sleeping area.

Fíli looked over to where Amber lay, struggling to see her in the moonlight. He had woken sometime after passing out to find Ambers limp hand on his back, her magic still attempting to heal his wounds despite her own being so much worse. He had rolled away, feeling well enough to avoid being healed completely until she had her strength back.

The night was silent, and as he leaned against the tree his fingers strayed to its base, rubbing against the smooth patch that was there. He knew that if he shifted, the mark Amber had left there months ago would glow dully for their eyes only.

Although she had promised him there was no way the Orcs could see it, he couldn’t help but feel nervous that they would find it when they were next dragged away and would be killed for it. When they had arrived she had searched for it, eventually finding it told him it was the mark she’d made when they were in Rohan and giving the young dwarf strength knowing that he was slowly making his way home again.

“I will find you Kíli,” he whispered into the evening air.

“I’ll be home soon.”

 

* * *

 

The scream that echoed through the small house had Dís sitting up in alarm and scrambling out of bed to hurry to the only one the cry could have belonged to. With a lantern from the hallway in her hand she pushed open her sons’ door, her eyes falling on the dwarf sitting up in bed.

“Kíli?” Her voice was hesitant, unsure as to whether he was still in the throes of his nightmare or had woken and was trying to collect himself.

“I’m okay, mama.” The voice that responded was hoarse, likely to be both from sleep and his sudden outburst but it drew her to the bed all the same.

“Bad dream?”

The single candle flickering in its glass cage combined with the moonlight that streamed through the window showed Kíli’s nod in answer. His hair was dishevelled, as though he had been tossing and turning and one arm was clutched tightly to his chest, the pale blond hair of Fíli's stuffed lion peeking out from behind it.

Kíli shifted on his bed and she sat beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and letting her son cuddle into her side.

“I just dreamed of Fíli again, is all.” His voice was quiet, weary even as he thought of his older sibling. A wave of sadness washed over Dís as she thought about how her youngest was once again forced to witness the death of his brother.

“You know there is nothing you could have done for him Ghivashith, he made his choice to save you.”

Kíli shook his head against her shoulder at her soft words, confusion in his voice as he spoke once more.

“It wasn’t about that night, mama. This time it was different.”

“Oh?”

“Fíli he was... he looked terrible mama, he looked like he’d been starved he was so thin. He was just sitting against a tree, sadness in his eyes as he stared at me and as I called out to him he just shook his head and asked me to help him. And when I tried to get closer to him he just started screaming as blood appeared and he- I-I…” Kíli broke off with a sob, burying his face in his mother’s hair and she pressed a kiss to his forehead.

It was an odd dream, she couldn’t deny that. It was nothing like the ones Kíli had had before, and it was obvious it had shaken him. She knew that all she could do was keep him wrapped in her arms until he had calmed down, and she was willing to wait as long he needed.

“I miss him,” Kíli’s quiet voice cut through her musings. “I just want him back.”

“As do I my love, as do I.”

“Do you think he’d be proud of me?”

The question was asked so quietly she almost missed it, but she had heard it and it made her heart ache to hear it coated in so much self-doubt and hesitancy. She knew it would take her son a long time to accept that not only was Fíli’s choice his own to make, but that if he could see Kíli beginning to thrive and enjoy life again it would bring him a happiness that could never be destroyed.

“Yes my love, he’d be so proud of you, and he’d be even prouder of the dwarf you are becoming. The town is beginning to rely on you when Thorin leaves and they are looking to you for ideas and suggestions to solve issues. You are one of the strongest warriors here, yet you are also kind-hearted and fair. I don't think he could have been more proud.”

What she didn't add was that if Fíli were he here, part of him would also grieve the loss of the carefree and bubbly personality the brunet had once possessed. Although Fíli had never admitted it, Dís knew one of the reasons Fíli always agreed to wreaking havoc with his brother was that Kíli's smile was a treasure that he wanted to protect, that it was the light in his life when everything else became too difficult or too much, and to know that Kíli had lost his bright spark since he had died...

She knew Fíli would be devastated.

She pressed a kiss to the brunet locks before withdrawing her arm, planning on leaving her son to allow him to find some much needed sleep when a hand on her wrist stopped her and she looked at him, her heart falling at the sight of tears in the brunet's eyes.

“Can you stay?” Kíli asked tearfully.

Rather than responding she shuffled down the bed until she was lying down and opened her arms, her son falling into them gratefully, and with the memory of the fair-haired dwarf they had lost they both drifted into sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gimlith – star that is young  
> Ghivashith – treasure that is young


	18. A New Hope

**A/N: Hello everyone! Yes I know, another chapter for one of my stories, aren't you all spoilt? First I gave you the final chapter for Because It Was Expected Of Him, now this update, and I'll be posting my first chapter for my Dragons AU story that I've been waiting to write since August-ish, oh and I've spent the last few hours working on the first chapter for _yet another_ story, LilaRosa's prompt for major Fili angst which I'm super excited about posting, although its currently not flowing as well as what I think it could so there may be a couple of days delay on it. **

**I apologise in advance if this chapter feels rushed in anyway, it was. I feel like this story is beginning to overstay it's welcome a little; I've been working on it since May last year and I had kind of expected it to have been finished by December, alas that did not happen as school took up more time than I would have liked. Because of that I'm determined to get it out of the way so I can focus on more (in my view) exciting fics.**

**Anyway let me know what you think, I think a few of you will enjoy this for reasons you will soon discover.**

**On a completely random note, if you ever find yourself making custard from scratch and using a microwave, ensure you keep an eye on it in the final few minutes and dont wander off. As I discovered not paying attention means that when you open the door a flood of yellow meets you -.- managed to salvage most of it but it made for a rather sticky clean up. Story of my life. Oh well now I know to watch my food on the first attempt at making something, and I also learned that almond milk doesn't really make a nice milk substitute where hand made custard is concerned. May have to go back to dairy which is annoying as I discovered it was the reason I kept getting acne on my chin (I've had it for the last 5 years, wish I'd known sooner -.-).**

**Moving on... a special shout out to[Toorinh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toorinh), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 67 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**Hanging out on[Tumblr](http://filikilithorinforever.tumblr.com/)**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

It was the smell of bacon that dragged Kíli from his slumber and down to the kitchen, grunting a good morning to Thorin and Dis as he fell into his chair.

“Good morning to you too,” Dís said with a laugh. “Late night?”

He shook his head in response as he pulled the plate with bacon and eggs towards him and dumped a large helping onto his plate, moaning as the first bite of bacon exploded with flavour in his mouth. “Just had trouble sleeping last night.”

“Did you have your window open?” Thorin asked around a mouthful of eggs. “It’s getting warmer now that it's summer, maybe the heat made you unsettled.”

“No it wasn’t that, just...” he frowned as he pushed his eggs around his plate, mulling over what it was that had kept him up throughout the night. “I don't rightly know to be honest, just an odd feeling.”

Thorin shrugged and continued eating, content with the fact that if his nephew wasn't truly upset by whatever it was that was bothering him then it was best to leave it be.

“Have you any chores for me today, mama?” Kíli asked after several minutes of peaceful silence. “Or am I able go hunting? There’s been talk of a large herd nearby and the stores are getting low.”

“Actually,” Thorin said as he pushed his empty plate away and settled back in his chair. “There is something we’ve been meaning to discuss with you. As tomorrow would have been your brother’s birthday your mother and I have been talking about holding a village memorial for him. It’s been a year since we lost him, and we would like to acknowledge that.”

Dís placed a hand over her sons when she noticed how pale he had become. “We didn’t mean to surprise you like this Ghivashith, but your brother deserves to be remembered and many of our people have expressed their wishes for something to be held. He was loved dearly by everyone here, just as you are and they want to celebrate his memory.”

“It’s not that mama, it’s a nice idea really,” Kíli said quietly, “it’s just... it’s been a year to the day since I last saw him. It feels like it was only yesterday yet an eternity ago at the same time.”

Thorin ran a hand over his head, squeezing the back of his neck gently whilst Dís placed her hand over his and gave him a small smile.

“We know sweetheart, we know.”

 

* * *

 

Amber let out a groan as her head collided with the ground, turning just enough so that she could glare blearily at the Orcs as they tossed Fíli’s unconscious form next to her. She let her eyes fall shut against the pain that swept through her body, and waited for the Orcs to finish chaining them to the tree and leave before she attempted to move.

When the heavy footsteps faded away she gingerly pushed onto her hands and knees, keeping her head pressed against the mossy earth and breathing heavily. When the world stopped spinning in front of her she raised her head slowly and assessed the dwarf lying next to her; a hand brushing the oily strands of hair away from the sallow face and her heart sank at how sickly Fíli was looking.

As they got closer to their end destination their beatings had become come more frequent and brutal; sometimes the tortures were dragged out for hours, little nicks littering their body as they slowly succumbed to blood loss, limbs held close enough to the fire so that they would begin to burn only to be pulled away with the process being repeated over and over again until they were screaming from pain. Other times the beatings would be short but intense and repeated several times in one night, and neither of them knew which one was the worst.

As she examined his most recent wounds she realised with concern that Fíli's skin was cooler than normal and that despite the warm weather he was shivering. Knowing the rags that hung off his thin frame offered no warmth she pushed off the ground, waiting for several seconds until she was steady enough on her feet before lifting him, cradling him against her chest and carrying him to a nearby tree.

As she lowered herself to the ground she gasped as one of her injuries tore open again. Fíli let out a pained whimper as her movement jostled him and she shushed him gently, holding him tighter to stop the jarring. When she was settled at the base of the tree she carded her fingers through his hair, humming a tune from a time long past to keep him asleep and rested her cheek against his head, lending her barely present warmth to her companion.

Eventually his trembling stopped and Fíli relaxed into her hold completely, and she watched tiredly as the wounds on his arms and face slowly began to knit back together. “It will be over soon,” she whispered into his hair before leaning her head against the tree and letting it loll to the side. “You will escape this prison, I promise.”

It was then that a flash of blue caught her eye.

Frowning she reached towards it, shifting Fíli in her grasp as she did so. She brushed the long grass aside and read it for only a moment before she nearly dropped the dwarf in her arms in shock.

“Fíli. Fíli!” She hissed in his ear, her eyes wide in disbelief.

Said dwarf whimpered before opening his eyes, catching her expression and despite his aching body sat up quickly, searching the clearing for potential attackers. “What is it?” He whispered in alarm, finally noticing her gaze was fixed elsewhere.

“We’re here,” Amber whispered in shock, as though scarcely able to believe it. “We’re here.”

“Where? Amber, what is it?”

Amber looked at him with in a way Fíli struggled to decipher and it put him on edge; it had been a long time since any expression other than pain or fear had been on her face.

“We must have missed a few stops or been in different clearings than we originally we -”

“Amber!” Fíli grabbed the elf by the shoulders and gave her a gentle shake. “What is going on?”

“Ered Luin. Fíli you are home! If you are to escape we must set our plan in motion now!”

Fíli’s hands slipped from her shoulder as he stared at her in shock. Home. He was going home after what had felt like an eternity as a prisoner. His brother, his mother and his uncle, they were all nearby, they were so close yet so far away and for the first time in many months he felt a flicker of hope.

As they stared at each other in hope little did they know that on a cliff above them two dwarves were hidden behind a rock, watching and gathering information to report back to their leader.

 

* * *

 

“Again boy. Very nice.”

“Raise your sword higher, Kíli… That’s better.”

Thorin stood at the edge of the arena and watched as Dwalin and Kíli sparred, the clash of swords reverberating around the clearing. The weapons master had insisted on teaching the brunet a new routine, one Thorin was very familiar with and knew that it was one Kíli would find challenging yet useful once mastered.

It was in the middle of a series of complicated manoeuvres that two dwarf guards rode up, the concerned expressions on their faces enough to make Thorin call for a break as he waited for them to dismount.

“My Lord Thorin, we bring news -”

“An Orc pack has been spotted in the forest, in the clearing at the base of the mountain.”

“Orcs?!” Dwalin growled as he and Kíli strode over. “Bunch o’filth, give me a handful o’dwarves and we’ll make short work of them.”

“Calm yourself, Dwalin,” Thorin ordered. “I will not send anyone anywhere until we know we can take them down.” Dwalin grumbled under his breath, but Thorin ignored his mutterings and instead turned back to the guards.

“What can you tell me?”

“Pack of thirty not including Wargs, looks like they’ve been travelling for a while judging by the state of them.”

“Their prisoners didn’t look to be in good condition either,” the second, younger guard piped up.

The first guard continued on as though his partner hadn’t spoken. “Minimal weapons on them from what we could tell but that doesn’t mean there aren’t more stored somewhere.”

“Hold on,” Kíli interrupted, a frown on his face as he looked at his companions. “Prisoners? What do you mean prisoners?”

“The prisoners are not the pressing concern,” Thorin told his nephew. “A pack of this size troubles me deeply, however, especially as they were able to get so close to the town undetected.”

Dwalin sheathed his weapons on his back as he looked at his friend and king. “What are your instructions?”

“Gather the men, we will ride up to the river and go the rest of the way on foot. The longer we can stay undetected, the better our chances of a surprise attack.”

“Uncle,” Kíli asked quietly. “what of the prisoners? We cannot leave them or put them in danger. We need to get them out of the way as soon as we can.”

Thorin let out a sigh before turning back to the guards. “How did they look? If it came down to it do you think they could defend themselves?”

Both guards looked at each other before shaking their heads. “If you plan on rescuing them then medical supplies will need to be brought. Neither appeared to be in good shape, although the elf looks to be slightly better than the dwarf, from what we could tell at least.”

Thorin and Dwalin both let out a growl at the mention of an elf but Kíli rolled his eyes and hit them both in the shoulder. “It shouldn’t matter if they’re elves, dwarves or men, Uncle; they are still people and it is our duty to help them.”

“You’re right, Kíli,” Thorin apologised, “forgive me.” He turned to the guards and Dwalin. “Gather your men; everyone is to be at the gate ready to fight in ten minutes.”

The guards nodded and scurried off. “I shall meet you there,” Dwalin told them as he started moving towards his home. “I’ll inform Oin to prepare for wounded on my way.”

Thorin nodded before turning to his nephew, who grinned at him and the pair hurried home to gather their armour and weapons. After what they had lost to Orcs a year ago, they would show them what happened to their kind who dared set foot on dwarvish land.

 

* * *

 

Fíli peered around the side of the tree, more alert to what was going on around him than he had been since his capture. Amber had told him to keep watch whilst she prepared their escape, telling him she needed to concentrate on the last amounts of power she could feel flowing through her body, because if she didn't get it right the first time they were doomed.

He glanced behind him, concerned by her pained expression before turning away once more. The suffering she had put her body through for him was something he would never forget, nor forgive himself for and he swore to himself silently that he would do everything in his power once they were free to help her recover.

“Fíli.”

He turned at Amber’s quiet whisper, and hurried to her side when she waved him over. He crouched down beside her and peered into her pain filled eyes with worry, only to jump as she raised her hand and placed it on his face, gasping at what felt like warm water flowing through him.

“Amber, what -”

The cracking of twigs had them pulling away from each other just as Scarface came around the corner, smirking at his two prisoners and immediately setting the pair of them on edge.

“Well well,” he snarled, grinning at them manically. “Our last night together, whelps. Tomorrow you will be with my master, but until then I'm going to savour each and every blow that splits your flesh.”

He moved forwards until he was directly in front them, grabbing their hair and yanking their heads backwards.

“I ‘ope you're ready.” 


	19. Discovery Of A Painful Kind

**A/N: Hello everyone! Woops almost two months since I've updated this! I swear I didn't forget about this fic, more like I've kinda run outta steam for it? Seeing as I've started Phoenix in the Watchtower and my Dragon's AU my enthusiasm for this one has quickly dwindled. I think it has something to do with the fact that I've been writing it for almost a year, and if I'm honest it's almost like it's hanging around like a bad smell O.o**

**Ok that's a really bad thing to say about your own fic lol. I've been struggling to get this written, and I didn't do a half assed chapter I promise, more like I think I overdid it? It was getting pretty close to 5k+ words before I decided to split it, add a little bit more suspense back into it, know what I mean? ;) It doesn't help that I have so many other stories lined up that I just want to get this outta the way ASAP so I can start on them quickly. Thankfully, if I follow my chapter breakdowns properly I only have another 6 chapters to write. Woohoo! Light at the end of the tunnel.**

**So I'd love some feedback for this chapter, not only for the certain something that you've all been waiting for, but thoughts in general on how it's been written. Feel free to tell me if there are certain areas that make no sense or drag on so that not only can I fix them (I think) but I can avoid repeating the same mistake in the final chapters.**

**Anywho, a special shout out to[Paintedsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintedsmile), [pandorasxbox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox), [fkuz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fkuz), [narnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/narnia), [Toorinh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toorinh), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 79 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are amazing!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

_“I ‘ope you’re ready.”_

Fíli swallowed nervously, knowing that whatever was to come would inflict pain on a level he had yet to experience. Scarface was undoubtedly furious he had to surrender his play things, and he knew that anger and frustration would be taken out on them until they were unconscious and barely breathing.

It was then that all hope drained from him. Because Amber’s plan, whatever it was would come too late to save them.

They had come so close to freedom, only to fail at the last hurdle.

Before he could utter a sound the Orc’s fist connected with his jaw and he grunted in surprise, the noise muffled by the gag in his mouth. The blow left him stunned, barely registering that he had been hauled to his feet and pushed forward as he tried to blink away the spots that had erupted in his vision.

It was only when his wrists were bound and the rope began to bite into his skin that he realised what had been set up for them as their final punishment. The orcs pulled on the ropes that had been thrown over branches until his arms were pulled above his head, exposing his barely covered back to the orc prowling behind him.

He tugged on the rope, hoping to find some weakness in his binds but they were well and truly secured. There was absolutely no hope that he’d be able to lower his arms enough to pull his gag out and scream at the top of his lungs for help, in the hope that someone might hear before he lost the chance of escaping forever. Just the thought of being so close to home made him want to cry; the knowledge that his family was going about their day blissfully unaware of how close their lost kin was, was just as painful as the agony he knew was to come.

A sharp pain drew him from his thoughts and the gag stifled his cry as a jagged blade cut through the rags and skin on his back. The knife hacked away at the last vestiges of his tunic until his taut flesh was exposed to the bite of the blade, making every cut explode in flame and he had to duck his head to hide his tears.

“Aw look boys, the princess is crying cause ‘es gunna miss us,” Scarface chortled as he dug a finger into one of the deeper cuts, eliciting a groan of pain Fíli wasn’t able to hold back.

“Well, let’s give ‘im a parting gift ‘e ain't never gunna forget.”

 

* * *

 

“Alright, remember it’s a large group and they have prisoners. If we take them by surprise we stand a chance of rescuing them and taking the pack leaders for interrogation. We leave the ponies at the path and go on foot. Any questions?”

The shaking of heads was answer enough before Thorin urged his pony forwards, Kíli and Dwalin flanking him as they thundered from the gate to the clearing. He was determined to rid his lands of Orcs and, more importantly, find out if any of them had been there a year earlier, because if they had then he would ensure they suffered the most painful death he could offer for taking his nephew from him.

Eventually the pathway to the clearing came into view; a small dirt trail that was framed by overgrown grass on either side. Thorin raised his hand signalling for his company to slow down, easing their ponies into a walking pace so as not to attract unwanted attention.

Ignoring the soft thudding of hooves he concentrated on his surroundings and listened out for any unusual sounds that would help give away the packs location. Frustratingly there were none, which meant that either the bush was muffling the sounds they were making or they had decided to sleep before moving on that night in an attempt to remain undetected.

Whatever the reason, he knew that come sundown not one of them would be left breathing.

He dismounted, his companions copying him and they all gathered at the entrance to the path. “We move on foot from here,” he whispered. “No loud noises or sudden movements until I say. Understood?”

His men nodded as they drew their blades and in single file they crept along the track. As they got closer to the clearing they heard the unmistakable crack of a whip and the excited snarls of spectators.

“They’re torturing them!” Kíli whispered horrified.

Thorin turned to glare at his nephew, a finger snapping up to his lips to silence him. He was well aware of what was happening nearby but knew that unless they kept quiet and took them by surprise no one would have a chance at escaping in one piece.

Kíli glowered back but accepted the reprimand silently, cursing himself for being unable to control his emotions after Thorin had specifically ordered them to be silent and cursing the orcs for what they were doing to the prisoners. He cared nothing for killing the orcs; his focus was solely on rescuing and protecting the prisoners and getting them to their families alive. He had lost Fíli to orcs, and the heartbreak of him dying would remain with him for life; he would do what he could to spare another family suffering the same experience.

Eventually Thorin raised a hand and they slowed to a stop before a nod had them fanning out in pairs amongst the trees, the thick foliage not only muffling the noise they made but also keeping them hidden from their enemies until they were ready to attack. Kíli and Dwalin followed him around the edge of the clearing as they searched for the best possible vantage point to assess the situation.

The war-master tapped Thorin on the shoulder once before pointing to an area nearby where the wargs were all laying and watching what their masters were doing. Thorin growled silently at the sight before he swapped places with Kíli, needing to talk to the pair without having to speak up and attract unwanted attention.

“Dwalin, head towards their resting area and see who’s hiding there,” he breathed. “Tell them to take them out the moment we charge, we need those wargs dead or this will end with major losses on our side.”

The bald warrior nodded before slipping away, oddly stealthy for someone so large and it made both Kíli and Thorin grin. A muffled scream had them looking back quickly and they moved further around, needing to see how bad a state the prisoners were in so they could determine how much assistance they could provide the moment they were free.

The first thing Kíli noticed as they finally spotted the pair was how skinny they looked. From his view of their backs their flesh was pulled taught due to their arms being tied, their pale skin revealing every rib, every vertebra of their malnourished bodies. And just from that sight alone he knew they had suffered at the hands of these vile creatures for too long. His eyes were quickly drawn to the marks that littered their backs; burns, whiplashes and cuts, they had them all and many were fresh. The blood dripped down their backs and Kíli's own began boiling in fury at the cruelty they had suffered.

Just as he went to turn to his uncle another muffled cry had him looking back in shock. There was something familiar about the yell, the pitch of it stirring up painful memories forcing him to examine the two prisoners properly; his eyes roving over them meticulously from behind looking for clues and what he saw made his heart stop.

He knew the dwarf.

The hair, although it was uneven and filthy betraying months of neglect was lighter in colour in some areas, tiny patches that almost looked to resemble straw. The bound hands were ones that Kíli had known all his life; ones that had held him when he cried, that had tangled in his hair as it was tousled and had clapped him on the back when he brought down game. The freckles on the left shoulder that Kíli would always run a finger over laughing that they looked like they created the letter K, only to be told they did and that it always reminded him that Kíli was at his back.

Fíli.

Kíli stared at his brother in horror, oblivious to the hand Thorin had placed on his shoulders as he turned him towards him. The dwarf that was strung up in the clearing, who was being tortured by the orcs in front of him, was his brother.

His brother who was supposed to be dead.

His brother who was, in fact,  _alive._

“Kíli,” Thorin murmured as he tapped him on the cheek, trying to elicit some response from the slack face. “What is it? You’re scaring me boy.”

The young brunet swallowed and looked at his uncle with wide tear filled eyes, his hand waving weakly at his brother.

“It’s him,” he whimpered. “Thorin it’s him. It’s Fíli. He’s  _alive._ ”

Thorin sighed as he glanced at the two prisoners before turning back to his nephew. “Kíli, your brother is dead,” he murmured gently. “There was nothing left of him in that clearing, I know you wish that it’s him, but it isn’t.”

Just as Kíli opened his mouth to argue back, to point out all the features familiar to him so he could prove it was his older brother, one of the orcs in the clearing spoke up, cutting him off and they both turned to watch what was happening.

“I won’t lie,” the Orc drawled as he twirled a burning poker he had pulled from the fire about. “I’ll miss your screams when you’re gone princess, I think I’ll just get as many of ‘em in as I can.”

Kíli watched in horror as the orc tore off the gag before pressing the poker into the flesh, causing his brother to let out an agonized scream and the smell of burning flesh wafting around the clearing. The poker was pulled away and the orc laughed as the dwarf slumped in his restraints, tears streaming down dirtied cheeks.

“Please,” Fíli whimpered, “please stop.”

Kíli looked to his uncle with tears in his eyes at the sound of his brother’s broken voice and saw how pale he had gone as he stared at his lost nephew in horror. There were tears forming in Thorin’s eyes as he looked at the tortured form of the one dwarf neither of them had expected to ever see again. The Orc’s laughter stirred him from his state of shock, the fury that coursed through his veins spurring him into action and he stood, unsheathing his sword and glancing at his nephew to ensure he had armed himself also.

“Get your brother to safety. He is your priority.”

The brunet nodded at him and he returned it, taking a deep breath before charging from the bushes roaring at the top of his voice.

“DU BEKAR!”

The bloodlust and grief that filled him drove him forward, his cry being echoed by his companions and the Orc standing there with the poker in his hand was the one he would make pay for what he had done to his nephew. He was within arms distance of the foul creature when a blast of pure white light erupted in the middle of the clearing, the explosion filling his vision and knocking him off his feet.

And Thorin Oakenshield knew no more.

 


	20. Safe In Your Arms

**A/N: Hello everyone! Once again sorry for the delay! I've had this sitting in my folder for quite a while but I wanted to get a chapter completed for each of my other two stories before I started publishing anything. After doing the Dragons' update I figured I'd tortured you all long enough with the little cliffy from the last one :) So tada! Go crazy my friends!**

**Just letting you know that once the next chapter of Phoenix is out there will be a delay in any updates for my three stories as me being the muppet that I am has decided to do something incredibly stupid. Stupid being that due to me having my birthday at the end of May I've decided to follow in LittlestSecret's footsteps and am doing a birthday prompt fic, 22 stories for turning 22. You can find the instructions for it[here](http://filikilithorinforever.tumblr.com/post/117234900735/jumping-on-the-birthday-prompt-fills-bandwagon), and if you want to send me a prompt flick me an ask over on [Tumblr](http://filikilithorinforever.tumblr.com/ask) or in the comments section below. Please read the criteria for it, it's nothing major but just to give you an idea of the pairings I will fill so you aren't disappointed :)**

**I already have 8 so get in quick!**

**Special shout out to[Milliegirl21](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Milliegirl21), [Paintedsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintedsmile), [pandorasxbox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox), [fkuz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fkuz), [narnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/narnia), [Toorinh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toorinh), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 94 guests who've commented and kudosed, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

 

* * *

 

It was the ringing in his ears that woke him; the constant high pitched whine making him groan and rub at his ears in an effort to remove the noise. Once it was down to a level where he could ignore it momentarily he opened his eyes, snapping them shut instantly as the sun directly above blinded him. He rolled onto his side and cracked his eyes once more, surprised to see boots hurrying towards him.

“-orin! Are yer alright?”

He looked up to find Dwalin looming over him with a look of concern before he was grabbed under the arm and hauled upwards, a heavy hand placed on his shoulder once he was standing to steady him. Blinking sluggishly Thorin watched as the bald warrior waved away an approaching dwarf, orders that were jumbled to his ears falling from his friend’s lips and he looked around the clearing in a daze.

The wargs had been slain; some of the dwarves beginning to remove the fur for what he assumed would be clothing or bedding, several Orcs including the leader were being bound and gagged before being dragged and secured to the trees whilst the rest had been killed and left scattered on the ground. 

“-orin! Come on, lad! We need yer with us!”

He groaned, leaning on Dwalin and grateful for the assistance his shield brother offered as the world eventually stopped spinning before him. The blast must have hit him the hardest, he decided, being as close to it as he had been would explain why he was only just waking. The moment he could focus he looked around the clearing fearfully for both of his nephews.

“Where are they? Dwalin, where are they?!”

The bald warrior placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him as he lurched forwards in order to find them. “Kíli’s fine Thorin, he’s fine -”

“And what of Fíli?!”

“We’re looking for -”

“THORIN!”

Kíli’s scream had him looking over his shoulder in fear, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he stumbled towards the frantic cries of his nephew. His  _youngest_  nephew, he thought with elation for he was an only child no longer. As he approached he felt his heart seize in his chest at the sight before him; Kíli kneeling on the ground and gently shaking his brother’s limp body in an effort to get some kind of response.

“Fíli? Fíli?! Mahal Fíli, please wake up! Come on Fee don’t leave me, not now!”

Thorin fell to his knees beside them, yelling at whoever was nearby to bring the medical bag. He placed trembling fingers against Fíli’s neck hoping to find a pulse, some sign that he was still with them and almost choked in relief when he felt a feeble fluttering beneath the skin. Eyeing the barely moving chest he leaned forward, his ear hovering above Fíli’s mouth to ensure he was still breathing and not fading away before their eyes and frowned when he only felt faint puffs of air.

“Where are the healing supplies?!” He yelled over his shoulder before turning back to examine the worst of the wounds. The moment Dwalin dropped down beside him with the bag in hand Kíli was there, digging through it for a cloth and bandages as Thorin settled the unconscious blond against his chest.

Together the two dwarves cleaned and wrapped the direst wounds as Thorin shouted orders to his companions; telling the guards to knock out their captives before bringing them to the town for interrogation whilst the others were to search for the other prisoner. Once the worst of the injuries had been treated Thorin scooped Fíli into his arms and stood, telling Dwalin and Kíli to follow him as he hurried as fast as he could down the track towards the horses.

He knew they needed to get Fíli to Oin as soon as possible; that on top of all the visible ones it was likely there’d be internal injuries that were caused when he was thrown by whatever had caused the blast of light.

He hurried to his pony, handing Fíli to Dwalin as he mounted before opening his arms and accepting his nephew once he was seated. As he settled Fíli in front of him Kíli and Dwalin pulled themselves into their saddles, waiting for Thorin to secure the blond before snapping the reins and the three ponies took off, galloping as fast as they could back to the town.

Thorin tightened his hold on his nephew whilst his other hand held the rein in a crushing grip, praying to anyone that would listen to allow his nephew to live. It would be cruel to take Fíli from them so soon after getting him back, and he knew there would be no comforting Kíli should Fíli truly die.

He pressed a kiss to dirtied hair as the trees whipped past and hoped against hope they wouldn’t be too late.

 

* * *

 

There had been cries of shock as the three charged through the open gates, dwarves and men alike scattering to avoid being trampled as the ponies were turned towards the Healers House, their pace never slowing. When they arrived a healer who had been outside sweeping away the leaves by the front door looked up in alarm at the thundering hooves and seeing her King holding another dwarf she hurried inside, the broom clattering to the ground as her calls for help drifted back out the open door.

As Thorin, Dwalin and Kíli slowed their ponies Oin hurried from the house only to stumble when he laid eyes on the unconscious dwarf.

“By my beard! Is that -?”

“It is,” Thorin confirmed, handing Fíli down to Dwalin who immediately went inside with Kíli on his tail. “After all this time… he’s alive Oin, but I fear he might not be for much longer.”

The old healer nodded gravely, already heading inside and he instructed a passing dwarf to send word to Dís that she was required immediately. The moment Dwalin had settled Fíli on a bed he shooed the three dwarves out of the room, despite their protests, and told them that his examinations would get done faster without them hovering or asking questions.

The door slammed shut and Kíli let out a growl, slamming his fists on the solid wood before beginning to pace angrily. He wanted to be with his brother, needed to be next to him to reassure himself that the dwarf in there was real, was the brother that he had mourned over for the last year.

“Kíli,” Thorin’s weary voice cut through his swirling thoughts and only serving to make him angrier. “Calm down, inùdoy.”

“How can I be calm when my brother lies unconscious in that room?!” Kíli snapped, pulling himself away from the hand that Dwalin tried to place on his shoulder. “How can you expect me to be _calm_ when my brother, who you told me was  _dead,_  is barely breathing?!”

Thorin watched his youngest nephew pace like a caged animal in front of the door, his hands clenched tightly at his side as he huffed every few seconds. At first he was confused, why would Kíli be this angry when they had just found Fíli? What on earth could have been said that made him this upset?

If he had voiced that question aloud with his sister around she surely would have smacked him over the head for the answer was exactly that. Kíli wasn’t  _angry_ , he realised,

He was terrified.

He strode forwards and pulled the brunet into his arms, holding him tightly until Kíli stopped struggling and sagged against him. It was then that he felt the tremors running through the small body in his arms and he rested his chin on top of Kíli’s head, just managing now that they were similar in height.

“Shh Nûlukhel, your worries may be for nothing. Fíli is here with us,  _alive_ , it is more than I could have ever hoped for. Your brother is strong, and when he realises he’s home he will awaken, for he will be desperate to see you also.”

“He’s alive,” Kíli sobbed, “he’s alive but we could still lose him. They tortured him uncle!”

“Kíli,” he replied, quietly but firmly as he pulled back to arm’s length so they could look each other in the eye. “Your brother will pull through. He’s survived a year with those creatures and he’s still alive. If that doesn’t convince you he’s a fighter, I don’t know what will. Have faith -”

Whatever else he had been planning on saying, Kíli would never know because at that moment the front door to the Healing House flew open, Dís bursting through the doorway followed by Balin. Both dwarves paused when they laid eyes on their family members, confusion clear on their faces as they walked toward slowly.

“Dís -”

“I don’t understand,” his sister said in confusion. “We assumed one of you had been hurt when we were told to come quickly, but you’re… fine.”

“It was not us who was injured, Dís,” he replied, squeezing the back of his nephews neck gently before moving towards her.

“Then who -”

“Fíli.”

Dís looked between her brother, son and friend before scoffing, shaking her head as she did so.

“Fíli is dead, Thorin, or have you forgotten all we have been through in the last year?”

“It seems I was wrong. He’s been a prisoner of the Orcs that attacked him and Kíli all this time. He- he’s  _alive_  Dís.”

Kíli watched his mother’s chin begin to tremble as the tears quickly gathered in her dark eyes. He hurried forwards and wrap his arms around her, needing the comfort her presence would always bring when the door opened and Oin stepped out. A sinking feeling settled in the young dwarf’s chest as the healer wiped his bloodied hands on a cloth, looking at them as he did so with an unreadable expression.

“How is he?” Thorin asked, his deep voice breaking the tense silence.

“He’s alive,” the old dwarf said finally, raising his trumpet to his ear so they could talk properly. “I’ve sealed his wounds and checked him over for potential internal injuries, but until he wakes it’ll be too hard to tell.”

“How bad is he?” Kíli piped up, his hand gripping his mothers in fear.

Oin looked at them for a moment before sighing. “I think the better question lad, is what injuries doesn’t he have? In simple terms, the lad has been beaten and tortured. Repeatedly. I’m guessing you saw how some if not all of the newer ones were caused, but his entire torso, especially his back tells its own story as to what he’s been through. I’ve checked for broken bones and there don’t seem to be any, although I’m concerned about his ribs as they may be cracked so we’ve wrapped them to be safe until he wakes and I can find out more.”

“He will wake, won’t he?” Dís asked hesitantly, her free hand clutched over her heart as though it could somehow lessen the pain and confusion inside.

“I’m not sure yet milady. I’ve tried a few different things to wake him or get some kind of response but there was nothing. If he wakes, and I do stress  _if_ , he’s going to need time to recover, both physically and mentally. We can’t expect him to be himself for a very long time, or ever really, as I’m sure you’re all aware. Once Rûnai has finished washing him she’ll let you in to see him; I’ll be putting poultices together for the lad if you need me.”

 

* * *

 

It was some time before they were finally allowed in to see him. The young dwarrowdam tasked with cleaning him had taken her time, assessing every injury, every scar as Oin had instructed and washed away as much dirt and grime as she could.

Whilst they waited, Gloin had arrived; telling Thorin all the Orcs had been locked up and a guard set. Thorin thanked his friend and assured him that he and Dwalin would be along soon to deal with the foul creatures just as soon as they had seen Fíli.

The wait seemed to take forever, and just when Kíli was threatening to break the door down, damage be damned, it opened.  Rûnai stepped out and gave them all a smile, moving to the side as they hurried through and closing it behind her quietly to give the family some much needed privacy.

The silence in the room was deafening as Thorin, Kíli, Dís, Dwalin and Balin made their way to the bed, only the occasional crackle or pop of the fire burning away in the corner breaking it. The curtains had been drawn, casting a dim light over the bed where the cause of their worry lay. Dís choked on a sob the moment she laid eyes on her son; seeing him there, alive and real and so very broken.

“Oh my boy,” she whispered, her hand finding one of his as she brought it up to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on the bony appendage.

As Thorin gazed down at Fíli he fought to swallow the bile that rose at the sight of the injustice done to his nephew. His hair was uneven, shorn in some areas and torn out or cut in others. His skin was mottled with scars; bruises and burns which were made even more prominent with the pale colour of his skin. He was thin; muscles that had been honed for battle over the years had deteriorated away during the months of torture he had suffered leaving him looking bony and fragile, as though a single hit could shatter him. The bags under his eyes as well as the hollowness of his cheeks, barely disguised by the blond scruff that was splotchy from being hacked away only further emphasised what he had suffered.

“Oh Fee,” Kíli whispered as he lightly touched his brothers forehead. “What have they done to you, Khâzash?”

A muffled shout from outside the room had the dwarves turning in concern and they watched as the door was pushed open, a tall female stumbling inside. Dried blood covered her face as she weakly pushed away the hands of the healers that were protesting and grabbing at her.

“It’s her!” Kíli gasped in sudden recognition, surging forwards as the woman fell to her knees with a groan. “Uncle, it’s the other prisoner!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inùdoy - son  
> Nûlukhel – moon of all moons  
> Khâzash - brother


	21. Return Home, Return To Me

**A/N: Hello? Oh hello! Blimey it's been just over five months since I updated this! I do apologise for that, as most of you know I decided to do a birthday prompts thingy for my 22nd birthday which somehow ended up going on for three months lol. The 22 stories kinda snowballed into 100k+ words which I was shocked by as I don't think I've ever written that much before. However I thoroughly enjoyed it and if you haven't read them the link is[here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4029595/chapters/9060541), and I hope you enjoy them too.**

**I've been working on this since I completed the birthday fics, however I went home for a holiday for two weeks so I was only doing bits and pieces but I'm back now and hopefully writing will happen a little faster and this will be completed soon! I've also gone and edited the first two chapters as because this was my 2nd ever story my writing wasn't as good as it is now so I've gone and changed some words around because I'm nitpicky and wanted it to flow a bit better :)**

**Special shout out to[bammes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bammes), [ladylin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylin), [Destiny101](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny101), [waterlilyblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyblue), [FiliAtYourService](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliAtYourService), [Blueskydancers](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueskydancers), [Milliegirl21](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Milliegirl21), [Paintedsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintedsmile), [pandorasxbox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox), [fkuz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fkuz), [narnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/narnia), [Toorinh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toorinh), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 106 guests who've commented and kudosed. You guys are awesome!**

 

* * *

 

It was though she had awoken from a trance when she found herself at the entrance to one of the buildings within the settlement. Her body was aching, her breathing sharp and shallow and the blood was pounding furiously behind her eyes making it difficult to concentrate.

She had vague recollections of how she had gotten there, less still of how she’d known where Fíli was but pegged it to the fact she had become so attuned to her companion that the whole of Arda could stand between them and she’d find her way back to him.

As she pushed open the door to the house she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window and would have laughed at the ghastly sight if she wasn’t so sore; the dirt covered and bloodied skin that was pulled taught over bones showed a mere phantom of what she had looked like before she had been captured, and the way her hair had been hacked over the past year made her think she resembled a wraith rather than one of the everlasting beauty that was her kin.

The moment she stumbled inside she was met with cries of surprise and a flurry of movement as dwarves converged on her, but she paid little attention to their ramblings as she made her way forwards, heart sensing and eyes searching for her friend.

Eventually she came to a stop before a closed door and Amber felt Fíli’s spirit resting within; the fragile and gentle light she had done everything in her power to protect over the year hovering uncertainly as though it wasn’t sure whether it was meant to hold on like it wished or whether it was supposed to move on.

She called out to him with her mind, enveloping him with her love and warmth and felt him respond in relief.

 _“Hold on little one,”_ she thought tiredly as her body wavered in front of the door. _“Your journey is not yet over; you are home surround by those that love you.”_

She smiled when his spirit sighed in relief. _“I can feel them,”_ he admitted, _“but I’m unsure of how to return to them.”_

A mistake she would rectify immediately. Fíli had been away from his family for so long she knew it was time to bring him back to them once and for all.

She took a deep breath only to whimper when pain exploded in her chest, feeling her broken ribs shift and grind and dig into things they shouldn’t. She ignored the shouting of the healers that had crowded around without her realising and pushed open the door, only to stumble through as her legs decided to stop working and she tried to push away the hands of the dwarves that were intent on keeping her away from her goal.

“It’s her!” A young voice gasped and she looked up wearily to see a brunet staring at her in shock as she fell to her knees. “Uncle, it’s the other prisoner!”

There was a flurry of movement as she tried and failed to stand again and she suddenly found her way blocked by dwarves, some looking at her in concern and others in fury.

“Move, please,” she mumbled, weakly brushing off the hands of those who grabbed at her as she slowly stood again. “Please, I need to get to Fíli.”

“You ain’t coming anywhere near ‘im!”

Amber looked up at the bald dwarf that was glowering at her, his axe cradled in his hands and she knew he’d have no hesitation using on her if he decided she was a threat.

“Enough, Dwalin!” A softer but no less powerful voice scolded, and she turned her head to see a dark haired dwarrrowdam coming towards her slowly with a kind smile on her face.

“Are you alright, child?”

She nodded weakly as the dwarf stopped before her, hoping she was important enough to allow her close to Fíli so that she could help him. She expected questions, a demand for an explanation as to who she was and why she was there only to be surprised when the female stood in front of her and cupped her face gently in one of her hands.

The room fell silent as dwarf and elf stared at one another, the ‘dams eyes searching the battered and bruised face in front of her intently.

“Your eyes have been witness to horrors we couldn’t possibly begin to imagine,” the dwarrowdam murmured with a small shake of her head. “What happened to you, child?”

“A prison of wood, fire and steel, my lady,” she replied hoarsely. “Held captive at the hands of creatures that enjoyed making us suffer until we passed out and treated us like the dirt they trekked upon, all before we could be delivered as the prize they intended us to be to their leader.”

“Call me Dís, please.” Dís told her after she managed to process the horrifying fact that her son and his friend were to be given to another creature like cattle for slaughter. “Now tell me, why does my son lie unconscious with no sign of waking?”

It suddenly made sense why none of the other dwarves had interrupted her. No one would stand between a mother and her child, and no one would dare deny her access to the one who could save him.

“The fault is mine -” Amber began quietly and it was then one of the older dwarves stepped forward with a snarl.

“What have you done to him?!”

“Thorin!” Dís snapped, turning to glare at the dwarf in question. “Let her explain.”

“I did the only thing I could my Lord,” she continued, her voice just as quiet and pain filled as it had been before. “When we realised we were close to his home I called upon the magic I possess to create an explosion that would knock our captors down long enough for us to make our escape and try to find help or shelter. If we were to escape, that was our only chance.”

“Then why didn't it work?” A young brunet asked softly from beside Fíli, his hands holding those of the unconscious dwarf tightly.

“Because a blast like that needs to build enough in power before it can be released, but you found us and triggered the spell early before I had the chance to use it.” Amber closed her eyes against an explosion of pain that swept through her body, breathing heavily to fend of the unconsciousness that was attempting to swallow her. She needed to help him immediately, because if they stopped her from helping Fíli any longer she had no idea what would happen. “The protection I was putting around Fíli and myself wasn't completed and so we were affected too, Fíli more so because I created it. That is why I need to go to him, I need to reverse my magic or he may never wake.”

She missed the looks of fear on the faces of the other dwarves, so focused she was on Dís and when the dwarrowdam nodded she let out a soft sigh of relief.

“Thank you,” she whispered, accepting the hand that Dís extended to help her to her feet.

Amber knew little about dwarves, aside from what she’d learned by talking to and watching Fíli;, but the kindness that Dís continued to show her as she was helped to the blonde’s side in the form of the comforting and hands that were ready to catch her lest she fall was both a great surprise and very welcome.

Dís waited until she sat on the edge of Fíli’s bed before moving away, but before she could even start helping her friend the dwarrowdam returned, a large mug of water from the nearby pitcher in her hand.

“You look like you need it,” Dís told her with a small smile, nodding in satisfaction when she all but snatched the mug from her hands and downed the drink quickly. The cold water on her raw throat made her want to sob in happiness but instead she gave the dwarrowdam a grateful smile before turning back to Fíli.

“It will take some time for him to wake,” she told the room at large. “We have both been through much and Fíli needs time to recover. He will wake, that I promise you. But it will take time, and no small amount of patience on your behalf.” She turned to look at each of the dwarves in turn, her gaze landing on the youngest dwarf who hadn’t left Fíli’s side last. “You are Kíli, yes?” At the small nod Amber reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “He will come back to you, and he will need your help recovering in ways you are yet to understand. But you mustn’t push him to explain things he is not comfortable talking about at first, just remind him he is home and more importantly, that he is safe. It’s been a long time since he’s known what that word means.”

“I will,” Kíli promised.

“We all will,” Thorin added quietly.

Knowing that the dwarves would heed her request she turned back to Fíli, gazing down at the lax face and the sight near broke her heart.

Despite her best efforts over the year Fíli’s face, whether in sleep or unconsciousness, had always had some form of pain etched into it. Sometimes it was the way his brow was lightly furrowed, others it was the soft whimpers that slipped passed his lips or the way stray tears would slip from his eyes.

But lying here, surrounded by those he loved and who loved him in return he looked utterly at peace.

With a shaky breath full of emotion as well as pain she leaned over and pressed their foreheads together, one hand coming up to cup his face and the other holding the hand closest to her and lifting it so their entwined fingers lay against her heart.

_“Echuia mellon-nin, echuia. Tolo bâr, noss-lein ná ardë.”_

A shuddery breath escaped her as she felt the last of her strength and magic move from her to Fíli through their connected hands, a wave of warmth leaving her exhausted body cold and shaking as it settled in the golden dwarf and immediately helped him breathe easier.

Pressing a gentle kiss to Fíli's forehead she pulled away, turning to face the group watching her intently. Her body was failing, her mind and what little remained of her magic drawing her into her body where she was safe and protected and could recover uninterrupted. With a rapidly darkening vision she gave Dís what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

“I-”

She wanted to say more, tried to in fact but before she could even attempt too she lost her battle against the darkness that lingered on the periphery and slumped alongside Fíli's legs unconscious.

 

* * *

 

Dís was the first to move. The moment the elf collapsed she was there beside her, checking to see if she was still breathing while the others watched with bated breath.

“Is she…” Kíli asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer. He, like the others knew that Fíli’s life rested with her and if she’d died before reversing whatever she had done to him…

Dís looked at her youngest son and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “She’s alive,” she said with a small smile, which grew to a large one of relief when she heard the difference in her oldest son’s breathing. “And I have no doubt she has hel­­ped Fíli. Listen.”

They did, and there were exclamations of joy as the laboured breathing of the blond had been replaced with a soft but steady puffs.

“Thank Mahal,” Thorin whispered, grinning at Dwalin as he clapped him on the shoulder.

“Mahal has nothing to do with this brother,” Dís reminded him quietly, looking over at both dwarves with a stern look. “We have my son back, alive, because of an elf. You would do well to remember that when they both wake, because what has happened here today is nothing short of a miracle. Now if you and Dwalin would be so kind as to help me get her to a spare room and bed until we can acquire a human-sized one would be much appreciated.”

Animosity between their races could be damned as far as she was concerned. The elf, which she had yet to learn the name of, had saved her son and the least she could do was have her placed in a comfortable bed whilst her body recovered its strength.

Kíli waited at his brother’s side while the older dwarves and several healers carefully (Dís loudly threatened bodily harm to any dwarf who might ‘accidentally’ hurt her any more than she already was) carried the unconscious elf from the room.

Kíli broke down the moment the room was empty.

“Oh Fee,” he sobbed quietly as he buried his face in his brother’s chest. “I’ve missed you so much nadad. I thought you were gone and had taken the happiness of the world with you, yet here you are; beaten, bloodied but alive. Please Fee, please wake up. I don’t want to live without you, I learned that the hard way and I never want to experience it again. Please come back to me brother.”

Unfortunately for him Fíli remained still, his chest rising and falling steadily beneath Kíli's head but it was a gentle motion Kíli wouldn't have traded for anything in the world. Because moving meant Fíli was alive, and he refused to lose him a second time.

He heard footsteps and quickly wiped his eyes, taking a moment to press a kiss to his brother's forehead before straightening up just as the door opened and his mother walked through.

Dís paused upon entering, and at the sight of her youngest with red eyes and tears staining his cheeks she hurried over. “Oh darling,” she said softly, wrapping her arms around her baby and pulling him into a hug. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

“He’s alive mama,” Kíli replied, a hand coming up to squeeze her arm as tears spilled from his eyes. “He’s alive.”

“And he’ll be excited to see you once he wakes,” she assured him as she dropped a kiss in his hair. “You’re his world, Gimlith, and not knowing you were alive would have been as painful for him as his fate has been for us.”

“So don’t expect to be allowed out of his sight any time soon.” The pair turned towards the door where Thorin stood watching them with a fond look on his face. “Knowing you survived... You’ll be hard pushed to find a moment alone for a long time.”

“That’s okay,” Kíli replied quietly as he glanced at his brother. “I don’t think I could let him out of my sight either.”

The room fell silent, the little family listening to Fíli's steady breathing as though it were the sweetest music the whole of Middle Earth had to offer, because they knew that each steady breath brought Fíli closer to waking.

A knock on the door behind Thorin had them turning to see Dwalin standing there, a grim look of his tired face as he nodded at his leader.

“They’re ready,” the warrior said gruffly. “Tied up outsida town like you asked.”

Dís looked between her brother and friend questioningly. “Who’s tied up? Thorin?”

“We captured some of the beasts that took Fíli alive so that we can question them about where they were going, and repay them for the kindness they have shown him this past year.”

It wasn’t lost on any of them just what kind of questioning Thorin intended to carry out, and the chilling tone in which he spoke assured them the older dwarf wouldn’t hesitate to make them suffer should they try and withhold any information.

Kíli looked between his brother and uncle before nodding to himself and looking at Thorin resolutely. “I want to come with you.”

Thorin had already suspected that he would but he couldn't help but check. “Are you sure? What if Fíli wakes?”

“Then I expect someone to come fetch us the moment he begins to stir. We’ll be lucky if he recognises us or where he is straight away, uncle, and those creatures deserve to pay for what they’ve done to my brother. Fíli won’t be in any shape to repay them for what they did to him, but I certainly can.”

Dís squeezed his shoulder gently. “Are you sure?”

He didn’t answer and he had no need to. The fire in his eyes that had been absent for so long burned bright and fierce telling Dís all she needed to know. She looked to Thorin who nodded in return, both dwarves knowing there was little they could do to sway him.

“Alright Kíli,” Thorin agreed. “Let’s get this over with.”

The brunet pressed a last kiss to his brother’s forehead, lingering for a moment before pulling away and moving to stand beside his Uncle.

“Let’s go.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> echuia - wake up  
> mellon-nin – my friend  
> Tolo – come  
> bâr - home  
> noss - family  
> -lein - your  
> ná - is  
> ardë - beside you
> 
> I kinda pieced this together using a few different Elvish/Sindarin dictionaries so I apologise if it's not 100% correct. Also I ended up using this because I was limited in the words that actually had translations so sorry if it's not exactly something amazing for Amber to say :)
> 
> Gimlith – star that is young


	22. You Don't Mess With Family

**A/N: Ok so like, wow. This got written a hell of a lot faster than I expected. Probably because this didn't stick to what I had planned for the chapter AT ALL. Ah well it's done and out of the way and came out WAAAAY better than I thought it would. Although in saying that... Kili kinda wrote himself in this and holy crap is he vicious. There's no super explicit descriptions of torture although he does take a sick kind of pleasure out of what he's doing for revenge. So... yeah. If it makes you a tad squeamish maybe read between your fingers further down. You'll know when.**

**Anywho, after this I have this sudden realisation that completing this won't be as hard or as complicated as I feared! Hooray!**

**Special shout out to[Ace_of_hearts135](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ace_of_hearts135), [bammes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bammes), [ladylin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylin), [Destiny101](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny101), [waterlilyblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyblue), [FiliAtYourService](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliAtYourService), [Blueskydancers](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueskydancers), [Milliegirl21](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Milliegirl21), [Paintedsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintedsmile), [pandorasxbox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox), [fkuz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fkuz), [narnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/narnia), [Toorinh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toorinh), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 111 guests who've kudosed, and everyone who's commented and still with me, you guys are awesome!**

* * *

 

_Pain._

_Agony._

_Nothing existed in this void of darkness. Nothing served to make his nerves scream or his flesh burn as it was torn apart time and again as it had for so long._

_It was just peaceful bliss._

_It was silent where he was. The endless darkness that enveloped him like a dark cloud, as though it stood between him and whatever fate awaited._

**_Fíli._ **

_The whisper of a voice cut through the silence like a knife, quietly echoing all around him like a breath of wind. He knew that voice, the one he had come to associate with safety and kindness when everything else burned around him._

**_Amber?_ **

_A sudden rush of warmth and love surrounded him like the thickest blanket, or the softest feathers. Even here in the darkness she was trying to save him, look out for him._

_But why?_

_Wasn’t this the end? Wasn’t it time for him to move on, go to the Halls of his Forefathers like he should have all those months ago?_

**_Hold on little one, your journey is not yet over; you are home, surrounded by those that love you._ **

_Family? He had a family. Somewhere, once upon a time. But he wasn’t with them anymore; he’d been taken far away where he’d never see them again –_

_Wait._

_No._

_They’d made their way back towards the Blue Mountains because of the letter the Orc had received, ordering him to take his prisoners to Forlindon._

_Amber said that he was home, surrounded by those who loved him. That meant her plan had worked, that they’d been found. The smells that assaulted his nose, although faint, were familiar; smoke, freshly baked bread, fresh flowers from the meadow, cedar wood… they were smells that reminded him of family._

_Reminded him of home._

_As though on cue new voices surrounded him, making his head turn ever so slightly in an effort to hear what they were saying. But the words were mumbled, as though cotton had been stuffed in his ears making them harder to hear._

_What he lacked in hearing however was made up by a tingling in his hands, the occasional brush of warmth across his forehead; whether from lips or fingers he did not know._

_**I can feel them,**_ _for whom else could they be but those he never thought he’d see again? His mother and Uncle… how was he to explain what happened? How would he tell them what happened to Kíli and beg their forgiveness for not saving him like he had sworn to do?_ **_But I’m unsure of how to return to them._ **

_A last, gentle brush of warmth for reassurance and then she was gone._

_He turned when a tiny pinprick of light pierced through the darkness, and he shielded his eyes as it pulsed softly before him. Unsure of where else to go Fíli walked towards it, revelling in the ease with which he could move here. If he had been awake, every step would have had him on the verge of screaming as his flesh stretched and pulled because of fresh wounds._

_The closer he got, the brighter the light became until he was bathed in its soft golden glow. He reached out to touch it, to see if it was as warm as it looked and the moment his finger brushed it a wave of warmth hit him, like a wall of water crashing over him._

_He closed his eyes as it carried him away._

 

* * *

 

The small group was silent as they left the healer’s cottage, Kíli choosing to walk behind Thorin and Dwalin in an effort to gather his thoughts. His brother was back, alive but not yet conscious, and they had his captor and some of his pack in custody awaiting what Kíli was determined to make a painful ending to their miserable lives.

It was no less than they deserved.

Seeing Fíli strung up in that clearing, whimpering and pleading for the Orc to stop made his blood boil just thinking about it. He had thought the last year had been unbearable; often coming close to wanting to throw it all in to make the pain in his heart stop but seeing Fíli there beaten, bloodied and so defeated… he knew what he felt came nowhere close to what his brother went through.

“Kíli?”

He looked up to find Thorin and Dwalin had stopped before the gates and were looking at him, sympathy and understanding on their faces.

“What?” He asked irritably, having an inkling as to what they might say but right now his blood was boiling too close to the surface for manners to matter.

He had Orcs to torture.

“Yer okay, lad?”

He glared at Dwalin, squaring his shoulders as he drew himself up to his full height. “My brother lies in a bed unconscious, unmoving and so badly beaten that he is near unrecognisable. My brother has been held prisoner for a year, where he was starved, tortured and Mahal-knows what else for entertainment and sport and his only companion has been an elf who isn’t much better off. And just beyond these gates are the scum who are the reason for his suffering so no, Dwalin, I am not ‘alright’, but once I separate their wretched heads from their miserable shoulders I will be!”

His last sentence finished in a growl so feral Thorin stepped forwards and placed a restraining hand on his nephew’s shoulders.

“Enough Kíli,” he scolded gently, giving the young dwarf a small shake. “We know you’re upset about what happened to him, we are too and we will make these bastards pay. But right now I need your attention here and now because you are no good to us if you’re focusing only on revenge. Once we find out why Fíli was taken and where their final destination was, then we will step aside and you can take all your frustration out on them. Am I understood?”

After taking several deep breaths Kíli nodded, closing his eyes briefly before looking at the older dwarves apologetically. “M’sorry,” he mumbled. “I just – there are so many thoughts and feelings running through my mind and I…” he trailed off, not sure how to explain what he was truly feeling.

Thankfully both dwarves seemed to understand what he couldn’t say. “We know little one,” Thorin said kindly. “We know.” He pressed a kiss to his nephew’s forehead before taking a deep breath of his own. “Come, let us show these foul creatures just what happens when they mess with our family.”

 

* * *

 

If anyone had told Thorin what his day held for him the moment he woke up he would have laughed in their face.

As it was, standing on the side-lines watching his nephew take revenge for what had been done to his brother whilst he himself processed the information the Orc had given up had not been at the top of his list for likely scenarios. The fact that the Orc pack had been ordered to travel to Forlindon with their captives worried him; an Orc that could not only orchestrate the capture and torture of a dwarf for over a year as well as having a master to answer too so close to home didn’t sit well with him at all.

“We need to go to Forlindon,” he told Dwalin quietly, pausing when the Orc Kíli was busy with let out a roar of pain. “If that was indeed their destination, then there’s a strong chance he’s raided the town or is lying low nearby. Either way we need to find him and kill him before he harms anyone else.”

Dwalin nodded absently, his focus still on the younger dwarf who was in the process of carving chunks of flesh from the Orc, asking him how it felt to be ripped apart. “’ow do yer want to play it then?” he asked. “Send a bunch o’ troops to deal with it or lead ‘em yerself? Fíli could wake any time an’ yer wouldn’t be there for ‘im if yer go.”

It was a valid point. On the one hand, if he went there was the chance to gather valuable information first hand, and he’d also make this Orc suffer for ordering the capture of his nephew and the pain he’d put them all through since.

On the other hand he’d miss Fíli waking, if he did as the elf had promised, and helping him through the beginning stages of his recovery.

“Y’know I’m with yer, whatever yer decide.”

“I know,” he agreed, smirking when Kíli swung his sword and decapitated the Orc before nodding to the guards to bring forth another one. He was pleased to note the furious expression on the pack leader’s face as his nephew hacked his way through the others. Saving the lead Orc till last was what Kíli had decided. “But killing that filth, it won’t mean anything to Fíli if he finds out just any old guard did it. It needs to be made personal to help him move on, to know he’s safe because we are the only ones he fully trusts and he knows we wouldn’t lie to him.”

The bald warrior turned to observe his friend who was in turn watching his nephew. “That may have been the Fíli from before Thorin,” he reminded him quietly. “But the lad’s been through a lot, it could very well be that the only person ‘e trusts right now is that elf lying unconscious a few rooms away.”

A grunt of annoyance was all the response he got and he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as they watched Kíli slice open an Orc and wrench its guts from its body.

“Lad’s got a lot of anger,” he noted quietly. It was slightly disturbing to see the normally level-headed boy reduced to a terrifying animal, taking joy in torturing his prey.

Thorin shrugged, beyond caring how others might judge his nephew for his actions. “Can you blame him? He blamed himself for the better part of a year thinking his brother’s death was his fault, only to find out it was staged. If that had been Dís, or Frerin…” He stumbled over his long dead brother’s name, the pain in his heart every time he said it a constant reminder for how badly he’d failed him. “Let’s just say I know what he’s feeling, and its best he takes that anger out now on those who deserve it than later on those who don’t. Besides, if Fíli will believe anyone that they suffered… he’ll believe Kíli.”

“Might be a good idea to remind the guards of that then.”

Thorin looked to where Dwalin had briefly nodded and smirked at the nervousness on their faces. They’d never seen his youngest lose control like this, and rather than assuring them all would be fine he decided to leave it because word would spread; and those select few who were determined to make life a misery for the young brunet would be discouraged from future mockeries.

“Eh,” he said nonchalantly, “they’ll deal with it. Let them spread rumours if they wish, but it will be in the back of their mind that he is ruthless when it comes to interrogations and defending his brother, a skill he will need when Fíli becomes king and Kíli his right hand.”

Dwalin couldn’t help but nod at that. “Aye, that he will.”

 

* * *

 

“Bind him!”

With his face utterly expressionless, Kíli watched as two of the guards dragged the leader of the Orc pack forward and tied him to the post that not two seconds ago had held the remains of another. Said leader struggled violently, spitting curses and trying to bite the guards as they secured him.

The Orc was furious.

Good.

He liked furious. Furious meant he would get a reaction, a fight and _oh how he wanted one_.

Walking forward he circled the creature slowly, a mocking smile dancing on his lips. “Comfortable?”

When the Orc cursed at him in black speech, pulling at his bonds violently he couldn’t help but chuckle mirthlessly. “No? Good.” He collected a whip that had been slung over the railing of the fence, barely able to swallow back the bile as he looked over it. It wasn’t of dwarvish make; their people weren’t cruel enough to use it on dwarf or animal flesh. Instead this crude and vile piece of equipment had been collected from the Orcs campsite, still dripping with fresh blood from when the Orc had used it on his brother.

“I’m going to take you apart, piece by miserable piece until you are begging for mercy, and even then I will continue. I swear, I will be the last thing you ever see as you are torn apart by my hands for what you did to my brother.”

Because of the vile creature he was Kíli knew the Orc wouldn’t cower at his threats. What he didn’t expect was the maniacal laughter his threat received instead.

“You know nothin’, dwarfling,” Scarface sneered. “You think you know what your brother went through by _my_ hands? You couldn’t even begin to imagine.”

“Shut up.”

It was a breathed response but clearly the fuel the Orc needed for his fire. “Should I tell you of ‘ow we near gutted ‘im when we first captured ‘im?”

“Shut. Up.”

“Should I tell you of ‘ow I tore the flesh from ‘is back over and over and over again, with the same whip you dare to threaten me with? Or what ‘is flesh smelled like -”

“Shut up!”

“- As it burned and bubbled on the end of my sword? Or perhaps…” the Orc sniggered, licking its lips as though the mere thought made his mouth water.

“You want to know ‘ow ‘e screamed for me to end it, reduced to the pathetic little princess -”

Kíli had had enough. “SHUT UP!” he roared, swinging the whip down and bringing it across the Orcs face and getting a howl of pain in return.  He moved in quickly, one hand wrapping around its throat whilst the other dropped the whip in favour of removing the knife from his belt. “ _I will make you suffer_ ,” he swore, each word enunciated slowly and clearly as he brought the knife up until it was level with the Orcs face.

“An eye for an eye is a favourite saying of mine. So why don’t we start there?”


	23. Return Of Hope And Sunshine

**A/N: Hello! Well after the super intense and highly unexpected turn of events from last chapter (yes even to me) I figured it was time for something a little more light hearted. We're one step closer to the end thank goodness! Not too many more chapters to go then onto Phoenix in the Watchtower. Anyway I'm personally hoping the weekend is a quiet one at work with no flying because not only can I do some more writing, but the All Blacks have their semi-finals match on Sunday morning against the Springboks around 3am and I have the early shift so because I'm not sure at this point if we'll be flying during the day (meaning I'll miss the delayed coverage as well) I'll be up for the live coverage. I'm going to be TIRED! Ah well, Rugby before sleep. That's how I roll XD**

**Special shout out to[TheDwarfess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDwarfess), [WanderingHobbit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingHobbit), [Ace_of_hearts135](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ace_of_hearts135), [bammes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bammes), [ladylin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylin), [Destiny101](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny101), [waterlilyblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyblue), [FiliAtYourService](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliAtYourService), [Blueskydancers](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueskydancers), [Milliegirl21](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Milliegirl21), [Paintedsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintedsmile), [pandorasxbox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox), [fkuz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fkuz), [narnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/narnia), [Toorinh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toorinh), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as 115 guests who've kudosed, and an extra special shout out to [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [waterlilyblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyblue) and [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa) for all the amazing comments the last few chapters! Your comments are what's kept me going so thank you! It's good to know someone is still reading :D**

 

* * *

 

The soft thud of a book closing echoed in the silent room. Rubbing tiredly at his eyes Kíli stretched in his armchair, sighing happily as his joints popped and he looked like a cat that had just woken from a satisfying nap.

Feeling somewhat boneless he placed the book on the table before straightening the covers on the bed from where he’d accidentally kicked them, his fingers brushing over his brother’s still ones. It had been almost a week since they had found Fíli and brought him home, a week since the elf had done her magic on him and a week since they’d moved him and his friend from the healer’s cottage to their own home.

But he still hadn’t woken.

There had been a moment, several hours after he and Thorin had returned from disposing of their prisoners that he’d shown any sign of life; a faint flutter of eyelashes and a soft whimper of pain before going still again leaving the small family deflated and disappointed, but with a glimmer of hope slightly bigger than before.

“Come on Fee,” he murmured, more to himself than the motionless dwarf before him. “You can wake up any time now nadad.”

But Fíli remained oblivious to everything around him. In a sudden burst of absolute childish nonsense and little brother antics he leaned forwards, eyes darting around the room to ensure he was alone before poking Fíli in the cheek and withdrawing just as quickly. He couldn’t help the frown that appeared when it triggered no response. Poking his brother had been something he delighted in when he was younger when he wanted attention, and it never failed to get Fíli to notice him; whether it was a scolding, a chuckle or a twitching lip that showed he was trying to pretend Kíli wasn’t there.

He tried again, this time pushing on Fíli’s nose and moving it up and despite his best intentions he couldn’t help the snort of laughter that escaped, only to let out a strangled shriek when a knock on the door sounded behind him.

Looking up he found himself staring back at his mother’s raised eyebrows and he grinned back innocently, putting on his best smile.

“Hello mama,” he greeted cheerfully, only to grumble and rub his forehead where she flicked him as she sat on the edge of the bed. His eyes lit up at the sight of the butter and jam filled scone she held and cooed in delight as she handed it over.

“Hello katagilemul habanuh,” she replied, shaking her head fondly and she turned to smooth down Fíli’s hair that had curled out of control after the sponge bath they gave him that morning. “Aside from tormenting your brother, what have you been up to?”

He swallowed his mouthful, his tongue darting out to chase some of the butter that escaped. “Just been reading to Fee,” he told her before taking another bite. “Got through a good portion but my mouth was starting to hurt.”

Dís chuckled at the admission and dodged his half-hearted attempt at slapping her knee. “I think this is the first time you’ve ever had that happen to you!” she teased. “My youngest son has finally been defeated by his own mouth! Whatever is this world coming too?”

“Hush you,” Kíli said with a roll of his eyes. “You aren’t one to talk. Gift of the gab right there.”

“Oi!”

“It’s a wonder Uncle Thorin managed to put up with you all these years, not a day of silence since you were born I bet,” he continued with a mock sigh only to yelp when his leg was given a painful pinch. “Ow!”

“You are no better, thank you very much,” his mother huffed, a smile betraying her. “Pot and kettle son, pot and kettle.”

After sharing a giggle they fell into a peaceful silence, fiddling with their fingers or glancing over at the slumbering blond occasionally in the hopes he would miraculously wake under their watchful eye.

When it was clear Fíli was content to stay as he was Dís looked over at her other son who was slowly making his way through his treat. “Why don’t you take your bow outside?” she asked him eventually. “You haven’t taken it out for a while and it’s a nice day.”

Kíli turned to look out the window and noted with some surprise that his mother was correct; a cloudless sky and chattering birds were what would greet him should he venture outside for the first time in ages.

But, as expected, it wasn’t where he wanted to be.

“Nah,” he told her with a shake of his head, snuggling into the armchair as though to help drive his point home further. “I’m happy here. Besides, I don’t want to go outside in case Fee wakes up and I’m not there.”

Dís bit her lip, knowing the conversation she’d had with Oin earlier would break her baby boy’s heart. “Sweetheart,” she said quietly, “Oin thinks he might not wake, that his body may have shut down from the pain and it’s only whatever the elf did that’s keeping him alive.”

The change that overcame the young brunet was clear for all to see. Where he’d been relaxed and smiling mere seconds ago, his back had snapped straight and looked at her with a fixed stare. “Oin knows nothing,” he ground out.

“He’s a healer Kíli -”

“A healer of  _dwarven_  ailments,” Kíli snapped. “This is beyond his knowledge, amad. The elf said she’d help him and we have to hold onto that.”

“Sweetheart -”

Kíli glared at her and she remained silent, knowing whatever she said would only fall on deaf ears.

The young dwarf took a deep breath and his shoulders sagged as he exhaled. “I will take the word of an immortal that has been with my brother for a year,  _helping him_  for a year over the word of our own kin,” he told her quietly. “I can’t give up on him, amad. I thought I lost him and now I have him back, and I need to hold onto the hope that he’ll wake up and everything will eventually go back to normal. Besides, Fee would never give up on me, so why should I give up on him?”

“I know sweetheart, and I understand,” she said with a kind smile, unbothered by Kíli’s outburst. If anyone had a right to be angry and optimistic it was him, she just hoped he’d be able to cope if Fíli didn’t pull through.

The young dwarf reached over and took her hand in one of his own, squeezing gently in apology. She squeezed back before turning to begin the daily examination of checking for any sores that may have appeared on Fíli’s body whilst Kíli finished off his scone.

“Has the elf shown any sign of waking?” Kíli asked hopefully as he licked his fingers, regretting that there wasn’t a second one.

Dís frowned at a sore she found that hadn’t been there that morning. “Not yet, although she’s looking better every day,” she answered distractedly. “We may have to turn your brother, it seems his body is finally starting to rebel against lying down for so long.”

Just as Kíli stood to help, Fíli let out a soft whimper, tears slipping from beneath closed eyelids. The two dwarves froze, hands hovering over the blond afraid to touch yet dying to comfort him all the same.

“Fee?” Kíli called, his voice shaky. “Fee, can you hear me?”

At first there was nothing. Fíli remained silent as though he hadn’t stirred seconds before until –

“Kee…”

It was so quiet; as though it were a breath of wind ruffling their hair but it brought light back to the two dwarves eyes that had faded out over the last few days.

“Go fetch your uncle Nûlukhel,” Dís told him breathlessly, her eyes never leaving her son’s face. “He will want to know Fíli is moving, he could very well be waking.”

Kíli didn’t bother answering; he simply pressed a kiss to his brother’s cheek before sprinting out the door. Heart hammering and mind racing he hurtled down the cobblestoned streets, ignoring dwarf and man alike that yelled at him to slow down as they leapt out of the way. They mattered little right then; the only thing that was important was finding Thorin and bringing him home.

Fíli would need all his family around him when he woke.

Eventually he made it to the meeting house and threw himself at the entrance, the wooden door slamming open as he barrelled inside.

“ –pefully have no -” whatever Thorin had been about to say was lost at the appearance of his panting and dishevelled nephew, wild brown eyes darting around the room until they landed on him. There was only one reason Kíli would look as panicked as he did, and that realisation made his stomach drop.

He took a step forward, eyes searching his nephew’s. “Tell me he’s not -”

The relief he felt was palpable when Kíli grinned shakily. “He said my name,” he whispered excitedly. “He said  _my name_  Uncle!”

Thorin was half way across the room the moment Kíli had lit up. “We’ll finish this later,” he told Dwalin and Balin over his shoulder before nudging his nephew and following him at a sprint back to their home.

He had begun to give up hope that Fíli would wake despite what the elf had promised but maybe, just maybe, they would finally get him back.

 

* * *

 

_He opened his eyes and found himself staring at his reflection. It was like he was peering into an unmoving waterfall, the water shimmering in the light but as still and sturdy as glass. Before he had the chance to think on what it was or investigate further the surface rippled and changed, his image disappearing to be replaced with the last time he had seen Kíli; the last time he had known freedom and safety._

**_“…Anything can happen on the road and there’s a chance that I might not come back…”_ **

**_“…I’m coming with you Fee, I won’t let you go without me…”_ **

**_“…Promise me that if anything were to happen to me, you wouldn’t let my death rule and ruin your life...”_ **

_How many times had he dreamt of this moment? How many times had his mind forced him to relive the last night he got to spend by his little brother’s side? A night where his life had changed forever in the blink of an eye; where he had been taken and Kíli’s fate remained unknown_.

_No… he did know._

_Kíli was dead. It was the only explanation. If he had survived then he would have sent word for help and F_ _íli knew he would have been found and spared the fate that had befallen him._

**_“I’m okay... He just got my arm. Just a cut.”_ **

**_“…make for the ponies. NOW!”_ **

**_“Get him home and don’t stop!”_ **

**_“Love you Kee, always.”_ **

_The agony that ripped through him, that squeezed his heart and threatened to choke him at the realisation that Kíli wasn’t coming back, that he’d failed him as an older brother was a pain unlike anything he could have imagined. How was he supposed to look his mother and uncle in the eye, knowing it was his fault the light of their lives had permanently been extinguished?_

**_Kíli_ ** _, he cried silently. **I’m so, so sorry! Forgive me, nadad.**_

_He reached out towards the image of his brother who was smiling softly back at him, his own eyes welling with tears knowing it would be the last time he would see Kíli_ _as clearly as he did now. When he woke Kíli would become nothing but a memory, his laughter haunting him as it followed him into awakening, ringing out like bells over a wasteland._

_Fingertips grazed the water where his cheek was, the liquid glass cool against the pads before the water shifted, image changing once again. He watched in growing horror as the smiling Kíli was replaced with one screaming in agony, crying out his name and reaching for him as flames swallowed him whole._

**_No,_ ** _he uttered in terror, throwing himself at the water desperate to save his brother. **No! Kíli!**_

_But he was gone, enveloped in flames and taken from him forever. Tears streamed down his face as he sank to his knees, his head bowed and resting against the cool glass._

**_Kee_ ** _, he sobbed brokenly. **Kee…**_

 

* * *

 

Dís flinched when the bedroom door slammed open but her eyes never left her son, worry in her eyes at the tears that were rolling down Fíli’s cheeks.

“What happened?” Kíli asked in horror when he spotted the tears. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. They just started.”

At that moment Oin bustled through the door, the old healer had seen Kíli race past as though Smaug was on his tail before returning moments later with Thorin in tow. And there was only one reason they’d both be running home. “What’s going on with the lad then?”

“Oh thank Mahal!” Dís cried as she turned to look at him. “I feared one of us would have to leave to fetch you.”

Shooing Kíli who was sitting on the other side of the bed out of the way, Oin placed his apothecary bag on the bedside table and raised his eyebrow at the sight of the tears. “Well now, this is certainly looking promising.”

Kíli looked at Oin like he’d gone mad. “How exactly is that promising?!” He asked indignantly. “He’s crying for Mahal’s sake! Most would find that somewhat worrying.”

“And yet this is the first sign of life your brother has shown since you found him,” Oin replied curtly as he began looking Fíli over. “Do try to keep up.”

He began poking and prodding the unconscious dwarf, his eyes watching intently for any signs of discomfort that might be the cause for the tears. The wounds Fíli had been covered in when they brought him in were healing nicely, infection had for the most part been avoided and what little that did try to take hold had been quickly and efficiently dealt with using a paste made of kingsfoil.

Oin turned to look at the family who were watching with baited breath. “Well my lady, it seems your assumption was correct.”

“He’s waking?” Dís breathed, looking at her son and brother and saw the hope she felt mirrored in their eyes.

The healer nodded even as he began digging through his bag. “It seems likely. I’ll dab a little of the spearmint and kingsfoil oil beneath his nose just to be sure. It’ll help him wake and should hold any pain at bay.”

After applying said oil the waiting game began. They had no idea whether it would work, let alone help Fíli _should_ he wake; the pain could likely be so unbearable they’d have to put him to sleep again. But despite all their concerns nothing happened.

It felt like hours had passed when they began to give up hope that Fíli would show any sign of waking when he took a deep breath.

Then another.

And another.

And finally opened his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> katagilemul habanuh - my sparkling gem  
> Nûlukhel – moon of all moons


	24. Home

**A/N: Kayyyy.... so this hasn't been updated since October... but hooray! Next chapter and I think the one that everyone whose still reading has been waiting for :) Getting _very_ close to the end, only a couple of chapters to go I think :)**

**Special shout out to[zhenziyi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/zhenziyi), [TheDwarfess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDwarfess), [WanderingHobbit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingHobbit), [Ace_of_hearts135](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ace_of_hearts135), [bammes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bammes), [ladylin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylin), [Destiny101](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny101), [waterlilyblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyblue), [FiliAtYourService](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliAtYourService), [Blueskydancers](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueskydancers), [Milliegirl21](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Milliegirl21), [Paintedsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintedsmile), [pandorasxbox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox), [fkuz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fkuz), [narnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/narnia), [Toorinh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toorinh), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy), and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 126 guests who've commented and kudosed. And especially to those who are still sticking with me for this, it's been going for a LOOOONNNG time.**

 

* * *

 

The room was so silent Kíli was certain he could have heard a pin drop. They all stared at Fíli, hovering just at the edge of his vision as the blond blinked sluggishly, his eyes adjusting to his surroundings. Nobody moved, not even breathed, too afraid that a sudden movement might spook Fíli or shatter the illusion of him being awake they had seemingly created.

It appeared Fíli had no clue as to where he was or who was around him, and whilst he was distracted Oin tapped Kíli on the arm, his eyes never leaving the blond as he did so.

“Go and fetch him some broth,” the old dwarf told him under his breath, surprisingly quiet for one so deaf.

Kíli stared at the healer, the incredulous look on his face giving away how unhappy he was with the request. He’d been waiting an age for Fíli to wake; there was no way in Middle Earth he was going to leave him now.

The unimpressed look Oin returned briefly made Kíli feel like the twenty year old version of himself who’d fallen off a chair and injured his wrist when he was trying to pilfer his mother’s freshly baked biscuits. “Your brother needs to heal,” Oin muttered gruffly. “And he can’t do that without sustenance.”

“I’m not leaving him,” he growled back quietly, eyes darting away to check on his brother.

Oin grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the bed, surprising the younger dwarf with his strength. “Your brother needs food; else I fear he won’t survive. The sooner he gets it the better.”

“But -”

“Your brother probably doesn’t even know where he is right now Kíli, and it will take time before he is coherent enough. You’ll be back before he starts talking.”

Indecisiveness flooded him, and Kíli couldn’t help but nibble on his lip as he glanced between the bed and the doorway. Eventually the need to help his brother outweighed the need to see him wake completely and he hurried out of the room, praying it wouldn’t take long to heat the broth.

Kíli had barely left the room when Dís moved to her son’s side, taking his frail hand in both of hers carefully.

“Fíli, katagilemul habanuh,” she called softly, “can you hear me my sweet?”

Blond eyelashes fluttered and Dís squeezed her sons hand slightly in encouragement. “That’s right sweetheart,” she said encouragingly, “Can you open your eyes for me?”

There was a pause then -

“-mad?” Fíli slurred, his tongue thick and heavy in his mouth. He tried to open his eyes but it was as though they were glued shut so he gave up without a fight, instead turning his head towards the voice that called him in the hopes it could help drag him from this eternal darkness.

“That’s right my love,” she agreed with a sniffle. “You’re home, you’re safe. Everything will be okay.”

But everything wouldn’t be okay, Fíli knew.  He’d failed her, failed Thorin. It was only a matter of time until they realised everything that had happened, everything they’d been through had been his fault.

A single tear slipped from his eye at the thought of how badly he’d let his brother down, how he’d never get to see him again because he wasn’t strong enough. Wasn’t good enough.

“Sweetheart…” Dís said worriedly, wiping away the tear that was rolling down her golden son’s cheek. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

“-m sorry Amad,” he rasped. “-m so sorry, please forgive me.”

Thorin and Dís exchanged looks of concern as the blond continued to mumble in distress. The last thing they had expected to hear from Fíli was him begging forgiveness. What could the Orcs have possibly done to their golden lion that would reduce him to this?

Thorin moved his chair closer to the head of the bed, placing his large hand on his nephew’s cheek tenderly and turned his head so he could press their foreheads together. “Open your eyes inùdoy,” he told him quietly. “Open your eyes and see you are no longer with those beasts. Whatever they made you do, it was not your fault.”

He drew back and slowly, so slowly did blue eyes open.

The utter pain and grief in those eyes floored them all with its intensity.

“Kee,” Fíli sobbed quietly. “-m so sorry I couldn’t protect him, so sorry I failed him-”

The older dwarves glanced at each other in confusion. “Fíli…” Dís said slowly. “What do you speak of my love?”

“He’s gone!” The weak outburst and the following heaving sobs shocked them all in its raw intensity, but suddenly everything became clear.

Fíli thought Kíli had died.

Oin barely had time to curse his stupidity for sending the younger dwarf away before there was a flurry of movement, Thorin slipping from his chair and hurrying out of the room, likely in search of Kíli while Dís smoothed her son’s hair back in a vain attempt at calming him.

“It’s ok Fí-”

“It’s not! I f-failed him Amad! I failed h-him…”

 

* * *

 

Kíli stood with his arms crossed, tapping his foot impatiently against stone as he glared at the flames of the fireplace. Surely the blasted thing could heat up faster than it currently was! The longer he was there waiting for the broth to be ready the larger the chance of Fíli waking properly became, and he wanted to be there when he did.

After what felt like the passing of an age the broth finally began bubbling in the pot. Grabbing a dishcloth he wrapped it around the handle and removed the pot from the flames, placing it on the stone plate before giving it a quick stir and dipping his finger in to ensure it had heated all the way through.

Satisfied it was warm enough to be edible yet not hot enough to harm his brother he ladled some into a bowl, fetching a hunk of bread from the pantry and after some deliberation a glass and a pitcher of milk before setting them all onto a tray and carrying them back towards the bedroom.

As he got closer he could hear his mother’s voice, her quiet words mumbled through the door but it was enough to make him walk faster, his fingers tightening around the handles of the tray in trepidation. Just as he was about to set the tray down so he could open the door it was pulled open and Thorin came barrelling out, only to stumble to a stop suddenly at the sight of him.

“What -”

“Fíli is awake and asks for you,” his uncle told him quietly.

His eyes widened in surprise and hope and he quickly abandoned the food with the intention of barging into the room and pulling his brother into a hug to reassure him everything was alright.

Thorin however seemed to disagree.

Before he could even get two steps Thorin place a hand on his shoulder and walked Kíli past the room, silencing the brunet’s squawk of protest with a look.

Satisfied they were out of earshot Thorin released him. “There is something you need to understand,” he told his nephew quietly. “Something you need to know before you go in there-”

“Out with it uncle,” Kíli huffed impatiently. “I wish to see my brother.”

Thorin cocked an eyebrow but didn’t comment on his rudeness. “Fíli thinks you’re dead,” he told him instead. “He seems to think he didn’t succeed in saving you and he won’t listen to me or your mother.”

“He thinks I’m dead?” His heart ached at how similar yet so different the last year had been for them both. While they had each believed the other was dead Kíli had had family and friends surrounding him with love and light to help him get through, but Fíli had suffered through darkness and fear, with only an elf and the dark void of unconsciousness to keep him company.

“Aye, he’s convinced he failed to protect you, so it may take some persuading to show him you’re real, we’re  _all_  real and not some figment of his imagination.”

Kíli nodded, and without another word he strode to the bedroom, pausing in the doorway to take a calming breath before he made his way inside.

Fíli was the first thing he saw the moment he entered the room. His tears were the second. Completely ignoring the other dwarves he dashed forwards, gripping one of his brother’s hands with both of his and squeezing firmly.

“Fee? Fíli? Look at me Khâzash, open your eyes and look at me.”

FíIi’s face scrunched further, eyes squeezed shut tight and his lips barely opening to mutter “So sorry, ‘m so sorry Kee.”

He sat on the bed beside him, removing one of his hands from the blonds so he could stroke the tear stained face before him. “Open your eyes Nadad,” he pleaded. “I’m alive, I’m right here because you saved me Fee. I’m not dead, and if you open your eyes you’ll see.”

It was a tense wait, but eventually red rimmed eyes cracked open. Kíli put on a brave smile when the need to weep washed through him at the sight, and he watched as Fíli searched his face disbelievingly.

“K-kee?”

Kíli swallowed thickly at his brother’s croak of his name, and smiled despite the tears that began gathering in his eyes. “Yeah Fee, it’s me.”

There was nothing for it. Fíli burst into tears, heart wrenching sobs tearing from his chest as his frail fingers grasped at him weakly. He knew Fíli would be in a lot of pain, but the need to hold him close, comfort him in the way he so clearly needed far outweighed the need to be overly careful.

Mindful of his wounds Kíli gathered his brother to him, wrapping him in his arms tightly and holding on for dear life as he buried his face into his neck.

“I’m here Nadad, you’re safe,” he whispered, holding his brother that little bit tighter.

“Kee…”

“Shh,” he soothed, rubbing a hand up and down the blond’s back as he sobbed harder. “You’re home Fee,

“You’re home.”


	25. Confessions And Words Of Comfort

**A/N: So. We're getting there slowly. This was meant to be the third to last chapter, but I haven't covered half of what I had planned so I've split it as where I've finished the chapter seemed a good place to do so.**

**For those still reading... we'll get there. I promise! Next update to work on is Phoenix in the Watchtower and Golden Heart. This next one for this shouldn't be too far away I don't think.**

**Special shout out to[bindsy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bindsy), [islandkate](http://archiveofourown.org/users/islandkate), [kat_114](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kat_114), [FiliKiliRp](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliKiliRp), [eyesonly](http://archiveofourown.org/users/eyesonly), [beanie168](http://archiveofourown.org/users/beanie168), [zhenziyi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/zhenziyi), [TheDwarfess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDwarfess), [WanderingHobbit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingHobbit), [Ace_of_hearts135](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ace_of_hearts135), [bammes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bammes), [ladylin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylin), [Destiny101](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny101), [waterlilyblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyblue), [FiliAtYourService](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliAtYourService), [Blueskydancers](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueskydancers), [Milliegirl21](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Milliegirl21), [Paintedsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintedsmile), [pandorasxbox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox), [fkuz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fkuz), [narnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/narnia), [Toorinh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toorinh), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes),  [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy) and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as 139 guests who've commented and kudosed on this work! I hope you're all still here and enjoying it! :D**

 

* * *

 

It took a while for Fili to calm down, and by the time he did he was exhausted and close to falling asleep again. While Oin fetched the food that had been abandoned both Thorin and Dís had gotten their own hugs, and there had been more tears shed when they were finally able to hold Fíli close, mumbling about how much they had missed him and how grateful they were to have him home.

The old healer entered the room and it took a lot of coaxing, and Kíli’s constant goading for his brother to eat “just one more mouthful Fee” before the soup and bread was finished and Fili was close to passing out.

Fíli tried to reassure them as much as he could, but he was struggling to hold himself upright from how tired he was, and soon the older dwarves pressed kisses to both boys’ heads before leaving them alone to get some sleep.

“K-kee?” Fíli had asked tentatively as his brother shifted away. “Stay?”

Kíli smiled softly at his brother, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Always.”

The brunet helped his brother slide over enough on the bed for him to crawl in, and when he was comfortable he pulled Fíli to him and with limbs tangled and fingers entwined they fell into the most relaxed sleep either had had in a long time.

 

* * *

 

Satisfied both boys were sleeping comfortably Thorin pushed away from the doorframe and headed back towards the kitchen where he could hear Dís moving around, and upon entering found Oin seated at the table as Dís poured him some mead.

“Thorin?” Dís asked, proffering the bottle in question.

With a nod he collected a cup for himself and his sister poured them both a drink, all three dwarves drinking in silence as they processed what had just occurred.

“You will need to make an announcement,” Oin mused. “There are rumours around town that Fíli has been found and it would be best to address them before you start getting visitors asking at your door.”

Thorin shook his head in exasperation. “They’re too nosy for their own good,” he grumbled. “I’ll go find Balin now I suppose, get him to organise a meeting so they can be informed.”

He drained the rest of his glass and stood up to fetch his coat. Pressing a kiss to his sister’s head and clapping the healer on the shoulder he made his way out the door.

 

The trip to the meeting house wasn’t normally a long one, but considering he was stopped by what felt like the entire town asking questions which he politely brushed off, he was beginning to wonder if he should have just shouted and hoped Balin heard him. It certainly would have been faster.

Eventually he got to the door and let himself in, sighing in relief when he found his friend scratching away with a quill. The old dwarf looked up and smiled at the sight of him.

“Thorin,” he greeted, “it’s good to see you. What news do you have?”

A small smile appeared almost unwillingly. “Fíli finally woke,” he replied in relief. “He has eaten and knows he’s home. He’s currently sleeping on Kíli’s chest, the poor lad refused to let his brother leave.”

A wide grin appeared on Balin’s face at the news. “Oh but that’s wonderful!” he exclaimed happily. “I feared he wouldn’t wake at all despite the elf’s help.”

“As we all did,” he agreed. “But Oin made a valid point now that Fíli has finally woken; we need to address our kin, inform them of what has taken place. Fíli will need time to recover and I fear having dwarves constantly knocking on the door will only set him back.”

Balin tapped his chin thoughtfully. “A valid point. What would be best? A meeting?”

“Sooner rather than later would be preferable.”

With a nod Balin stood and moved from the desk, poking his head out the door into the main hallway.

“Ori!” He yelled, waiting patiently when there was a scuffle and a curse before the young scribe stuck his head out from the nearby library door.

“Yes master Balin?”

“I need you to go around town, spread word that a meeting shall be held at -” he paused, frowning slightly before looking over his shoulder at Thorin. “When are we holding it?”

“Midday?” he replied with a shrug. “It will give everyone a couple of hours to find out and gather.”

With a nod Balin stuck his head back out the door. “At midday in the town square. Get Bofur to organise something for myself and Thorin to stand on so we can see everyone.”

“Right you are,” Ori agreed.

Balin turned away from the door and saw Thorin watching him in amusement. “What?”

“I will never understand you scholars,” he said with a shake of his head. “What is so wrong with actually walking to the person you seek?”

“It’s faster,” Balin replied with a chuckle as he sat back down at his desk. “Besides, it’s a good way to draw dwarves like Ori away from their work involuntarily. If I didn’t we’d lose him in the library for good and then I’d have to deal with both Dori and Nori and their incessant nagging.”

Thorin paused for a moment, thinking his cousin’s words over before nodding when realised the older dwarf was right. “Good point,” he agreed. “I shall take my leave old friend, I need to find Dwalin and discuss the capture of the Orc who took Fíli, see if we can come up with a plan to find the filth and bring it here to pay for what it’s done.”

“You’re going to kill it yourself, then?”

“Aye,” Thorin agreed gruffly. “If you had seen Fíli when he woke Balin… you’d be out for that scum’s blood too. I’m sure once our people learn of what they had done to him they will be just as keen to get their hands on that Orc.”

Balin let out a sigh and nodded. “I can only imagine what that poor boy was put through,” he said sadly. “Our people are loyal to you and the crown so you will have no shortage of volunteers. Not for avenging that boy.”

Humming in agreement Thorin left the room, taking a calming breath against the anger that was pulsing through him at the thought of the vile creature that had been the source of all their suffering.

When he was certain he was calm enough he strode out the doors into the sun and began his hunt for his friend.

 

* * *

 

Midday came around faster than expected, and Thorin found himself standing on a wagon Bofur had sourced looking out at a sea of faces with Balin and Dwalin on either side of him.

There was confusion on some, trepidation and hope on others.

He held out his hand for silence and the murmuring of his kin stopped as though someone had flicked a lever. “My friends,” he began, “it has come to my attention there are rumours being spread about the events of a week ago, that there are many stories and many uncertainties as to what took place. I am here to set the record straight.” He paused, taking a deep breath to centre himself. “The rumours that Fíli has been returned to us are true-”

As expected a roar exploded from the crowd, dwarves clapping each other on the back and children hugging their parents in delight. It was humbling to see how much Fíli meant to them all, and Thorin had no doubt that when his time came his nephew would be a much loved ruler.

“Peace my friends,” he said with a smile, catching out of the corner of his eye Balin not so discreetly wiping away a stray tear. “Yes, Fíli has been returned to us, but his time in the hands of his captors has not been easy. He has suffered greatly, and his recovery will be long. It is only today that he finally woke, and I know it will be many days more before he will be able to move around on his own.”

There were murmurs then, the jovial looks on many faces turning concerned or worried. Even the youngest of children picked up on the change in their parents, settling down or looking up at the adults with wide, worry filled eyes.

“The Orcs that had captured your prince were not the instigators behind the attack. While they were being disposed of at Kíli’s hand it was then we learned of another orc, one who had devised the entire plan and is at this point still at large. I ask you this, I will send a team of Dwarves with Dwalin to capture the filth and bring him here to pay for what he has done. Who will join him?”

The majority of the dwarves present, including many dwarrowdams and younglings answered, their voices booming through the square and rattling the windows of nearby buildings.

“Dwalin will set out in two days’ time,” Thorin informed them, “so speak to him within that time if you wish to go. We will not take an entire contingent for fear of discovery before we can find the Orc, so please do not be offended if you are not picked, the fact you wish to avenge your prince means just as much. Thank you my friends.”

 

* * *

 

It took the better part of a day for Fíli to wake completely.

Oin had warned them he would be weak for the first few days until he recovered his strength, and to not expect him to do more than eat and sleep during that time.

So it came as a pleasant surprise when Kíli came hurtling down the hall into the kitchen with a wide grin.

“Uncle! Amad!”

“Mahal’s sake inùdoy!” Dís scolded as she picked up the spoon she’d dropped in fright. “Since when are you permitted to run in this house?”

A faint blushed tinged the younger dwarfs cheeks as he ducked his head, rubbing the back of it in embarrassment. “Sorry mama.”

Thorin chuckled, looking up from the final list of dwarves who would be accompanying Dwalin the next day to his nephew. “What is it Kíli?”

The bright grin returned and Kíli swiped an apple off the table. “Fee’s awake,” the twinkle in his eye belying the casual tone he used. “And he’s asking for you.”

Thorin and Dís looked at one another in shock before they stopped what they were doing; Dís grabbing a honey cake from the pantry before they both quickly followed the young brunet to the bedroom.

Upon entering they found Fíli propped up on a mound of pillows, his face pale and eyes half closed but he was very much awake.

“Amad, Uncle,” he greeted softly, smiling tiredly at the sight of them.

“Oh Fíli,” Dís gasped tearfully, handing the treat to Thorin who placed it on the nearby chest as she hurried forwards to sit on the bed and throw her arms around him. “Oh sweetheart, it does my heart good to see you awake.”

Fíli raised his arms and hugged her back as much as his weak muscles would allow. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered, burrowing his nose into her neck as much as possible. “Mahal I’ve missed you so much.”

Dís hugged her son tighter when he began trembling, his breathing shaky in her ear. “I’m here sweetheart, I’m here,” she soothed, pressing her lips to the side of his head as he began to cry. “I won’t let you go my love, not for all the gold in Erebor.”

It took a while but eventually the blond began to calm down, and when he was certain he had his emotions more or less under control he drew away with a sniff. “You’ll have to let me go eventually,” he chuckled wetly, “can’t keep me locked in here forever.”

“See if she won’t,” Thorin disagreed with a small smile. He didn’t have tears in his eyes, no matter what anyone else said.

Fíli smiled up at his uncle and opened his arms in invitation, and the two elder Durin’s swapped places in order for Thorin to draw his nephew into a hug. “Welcome home little lion,” Thorin whispered in his ear. “We’ve missed you.”

The young dwarf didn’t reply, instead burying his nose into his uncle’s neck and inhaling the wood and steel scent that screamed safety and home. The comfort his elders provided him, in any aspect of his life was something he had sorely missed this last year, and the chance to immerse himself in it now was one he couldn’t pass up.

When he had gotten his fill he drew back slightly, eyes fighting against the exhaustion that had become all too common as of late. “’m sorry,” he murmured, looking up at Thorin who was frowning back at him. “’m so sorry for getting capt -”

“No, don’t do that,” Thorin chided with a shake of his head, stroking a hand over golden locks in an attempt to soothe. “Don’t blame yourself for something you had no control over.”

Despite his words Thorin knew the guilt and regret Fíli had lived with for the last year was going to be something the blond would struggle to deal with for a long time to come, but all any of them could do in the meantime was assure him each time it came up the attack and his subsequent capture was not his fault, and as he suspected when Fíli drew back with a nod the look in his eyes showed that he was unconvinced that he wasn’t the one to blame.

Fíli slumped into the pillows, smiling tiredly up at his family that were gathered around. They could see him mulling something over, some thought that was clearly important enough to keep him awake despite his obvious need for sleep. “I need to know,” he said eventually, voice quiet as he bit his lip, “how you found us. The… the Orcs moved at night and stuck to the trees, and I’m so glad to be home, but I just don’t understand how you found us.”

“Ever since you and your brother were attacked, the patrols have been increased. Back then we thought we were safe and yet you were taken by a large pack, right from under our noses. I couldn’t risk losing anyone else because of negligence on my part. The day we found you, two of the guards had been patrolling deeper in the forest and heard a disturbance. When they went to investigate they spotted the pack from the cliff and reported back. We were informed that they had prisoners, but we had no idea it was you.” He sighed, closing his eyes before looking at his nephew sadly. “You have to understand,  I couldn’t fail our people again, not after I’d failed you so -”

Fíli’s eyes widened at the confession. “It wasn’t your fault!” he protested shakily, placing a weak hand on top of his Uncle’s. “You had no idea the Orcs were nearby, none of us did. Thorin, despite thinking you should, you can’t know everything that goes on around us, and trying to prepare for every likely scenario is impossible. If I am not allowed to blame myself for being captured then you are not to blame yourself for doing the best you could do with the information you had.”

“How is it that even after a year away you still make more sense than any other dwarf here?” Kíli asked in bewilderment. Secretly he was thrilled that despite the horrors his brother had been subjected to, his love and compassion was still deeply rooted inside of him.

Those emotions would have been some of the first to go in a lesser dwarf.

Rather than replying Fíli winked weakly at his brother which made Thorin and Dís chuckle. As weak as he was, it was good to see a spark back in those cerulean eyes.

Fíli made himself comfortable against the pillows and looked around the room tiredly, blue eyes searching for his companion only to furrow with worry when he couldn’t spot her.

“Where’s Amber?” he asked, looking between his family members in concern for his friend. “What happened to her?” Thorin frowned, about to ask who he was talking about when Dís spoke first.

“Do you mean the elf, sweetheart?”

Ah. He’d almost forgotten about her. When Fili nodded he gave his nephew a small smile. “She’s okay, she’s next door but she has yet to wake as whatever she did to help you has taken its toll.”

The relief was clear on the young dwarf's face. Dís leaned forward and brushed a hand over his hair lovingly. “She means a lot to you, doesn’t she?” She asked with an understanding smile. She was grateful her son had had someone he could rely on during the last year, considering what he had been put through he was lucky that there was one person that wasn’t out to kill him.

The blond leaned into the touch with a small nod, eyes drooping shut at the soothing motion. His voice was quiet, gentle, and it was as though he was a young dwarfling with how small he sounded when he spoke. “I can’t explain it Amad, the bond I have with her is so strong, and her not being here makes me want to panic, even though you told me she’s okay.”

“It’s okay, Fíli, you don't have to explain it to us. You went through something no one should have to experience, but the fact you had her by your side, regardless of the fact she’s an elf makes easier for me to handle. Your bond was born out of fear and pain, but the love you have for one another outweighs all else.”

She saw Thorin's eye twitch at the mention of Fíli loving Amber, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes as Fili looked at her in confusion.

“But I don’t love her, Amad-”

“There’s more than one type of love in the world, Fíli,” she tutted, “and she will always hold a place in her heart for you, as you will for her. Now,” she leaned over and pressed a kiss against his head before tapping him on the nose lightly with her finger, “you need rest. We have kept you up for far too long and Oin will have my head if he finds out you aren’t resting.”

“And food,” Thorin chimed in, collecting the honey cake and handing it to Fíli who accepted it gratefully before demolishing it in the blink of an eye. Dís stood from her spot and shuffled backwards so Thorin could place his own kiss on her son’s forehead. As she moved she noticed her youngest looking at her with a frown on his face.

“What is it, Gimlith?”

“Amad, we need to know what happened so Thorin can-”

“There will be plenty of time for that later Kíli,” she reminded him gently. “Your brother must rest if he is to heal.”

“But-”

“Not now, Kee,” Fíli begged as he took his brother’s hand in his. “Maybe one day, but not right now. I can’t… I don’t want to remember what happened, not when the memories are still raw.”

The brunet shuffled onto the bed and wrapped himself around his brother in a hug, muttering apologies for upsetting Fíli when he was so clearly exhausted. “I’m sorry Fee, I only wanted to help.”

“I know.” A smile then, “can you stay with me? I haven’t slept on my own for the last year and Amber’s presence was the only thing that kept the nightmares at bay. Now that she isn’t here…” He shook his head, unable to continue.

Not that he needed too. Kíli immediately understood what his brother was trying to say and quickly shuffled until he was more or less beside him, lying on top of the covers rather than underneath, and opened his arms.

Fíli shook his head with a put upon sigh, however the fondness in his eyes showed he was beyond grateful for the offer. “I meant sleeping beside me,” he told his brother wryly in the hopes it would hide how much he actually needed him.

Thankfully Kíli knew how to read his brother, even after so long apart. “Well maybe that’s what you want, but I lost you too, and I’d much rather have you close then wonder where you are in the middle of the night.”

He nodded in understanding before curling up, his head resting on Kíli’s shoulder as his brother wrapped his arms around him, holding him close.

“Just sleep Fee,” he murmured in his brother’s ear as he watched his mother and uncle leave the room quietly, “I’m right here.

“I’m right here.”


	26. Healing Is The Only Way To Move Forward, Or Else You'll Remain Trapped In The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to start healing. But how do you do that when your mind is your own worst enemy?

**A/N: Hello everyone! We're so close to the end! I'm determined to get this story finished, especially as it's been going for over two years now! Honestly! I should be ashamed of myself but, despite my dragging of heels, I love this story and am immensely proud of it :D**

**That being said, things are beginning to wrap up, and as mentioned in the summary it's time for Fili to start his process of healing. Something I'm sure many of you will be thoroughly pleased about :D**

**Special shout out to[Froot_Luips](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Froot_Luips), [SarcasticSmiler](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticSmiler), [Makojupiter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Makojupiter), [BBCJ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BBCJ), [mjeanuniverse](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mjeanuniverse), [bindsy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bindsy), [islandkate](http://archiveofourown.org/users/islandkate), [kat_114](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kat_114), [FiliKiliRp](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliKiliRp), [eyesonly](http://archiveofourown.org/users/eyesonly), [beanie168](http://archiveofourown.org/users/beanie168), [zhenziyi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/zhenziyi), [TheDwarfess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDwarfess), [WanderingHobbit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingHobbit), [Ace_of_hearts135](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ace_of_hearts135), [bammes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bammes), [ladylin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylin), [Destiny101](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny101), [waterlilyblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyblue), [FiliAtYourService](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliAtYourService), [Blueskydancers](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueskydancers), [Milliegirl21](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Milliegirl21), [Paintedsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintedsmile), [pandorasxbox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox), [fkuz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fkuz), [narnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/narnia), [Toorinh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toorinh), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf), [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson),  [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy) and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as 153 guests who've left kudos! You guys are awesome.**

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* * *

 

The peace that had settled within the small household lasted until the early hours of the morning when a terrified scream rent the air.

Thorin leaped out of bed, throwing a tunic on as he burst through the door. Narrowly avoiding Dis who had toppled out of her own room, the pair hurried towards Kíli’s chambers where the boys were sleeping, their worry increasing further when they could hear the younger dwarf’s voice mixed into the yelling.

Throwing open the door Thorin and Dís barged inside to see Kíli trying to hold Fíli down who was thrashing desperately; eyes squeezed shut and face as pale as a sheet while he begged and pleaded for help.

“Fíli!” Kíli cried, dodging the flailing fists that struck out at him. “Fíli, calm down! It’s okay! You’re safe!”

The brunet looked up as his mother and uncle hurried towards him and sobbed in relief. “He was whimpering and tossing and turning in his sleep and then he suddenly started screaming-”

“HELP!” Fíli, screeched, head thrashing from side to side. Kíli jerked his head back, barely avoiding getting his nose broken.

“AMBER! KÍLI! _HELP!_ ”

Without a word passing between them Thorin and Dís leapt to the bedside, grabbing an arm each and putting all their weight behind them as they pinned the flailing limbs to the bed. The last thing Fíli needed was to tear open his wounds and set his recovery back even further.

With his elders holding his brother down Kíli shifted until he was sitting on Fíli’s waist, hands cupping his sibling’s face in a firm but gentle grip.

“Fíli! Nadad, hear my voice!” he pleaded, his voice soothing and gentle now that Fíli had quietened down to whimpers. “I’m here, I’m right here. You’re home, you’re safe and you’re free.” There were more whines and whimpers, as though Fíli desperately wanted to believe him but didn’t know if he should. Using his thumbs Kíli stroked his brother’s cheeks lightly, hushing him as he did so. “Come on Fee, come on. You’re home nadad, you’re home.”

Minutes passed without any change. Kíli kept up his constant litany of hushes and petting while Dis and Thorin kept the wounded dwarf immobile. Eventually Fíli started to quieten down; his whimpers turning into soft pitiful cries and his hitched breathing slowly evening out.

Just as the trio were on the verge of releasing a sigh of relief there was a loud crash in the room next door. The noise, which had been unusually loud in the briefly silent household set Fíli off again, but this time it was louder,

And more terrified than before.

“Fee!” Kíli cried, throwing a look at his uncle that was clearly read as ‘what was that?!’ before trying to shush his brother again. “It’s okay! It’s okay! You’re alright, I promise!”

It seemed that the peace Fíli had just found, however temporary, was too far out of reach this time. The blond shrieked and thrashed; curses in khuzdul, elvish and Man flying from his lips when he wasn’t crying out for help.

Just when Kíli began to think they’d have to watch Fíli suffer through his nightmare until it ended with the constant risk of reopening his wounds and hurting himself further, a gentle touch to his shoulder had him jumping in fright. He whipped his head around and came face to face with a very pale and barely conscious elf.

“Please,” she slurred, voice hoarse from disuse.

He moved aside without question, eyes watching like a hawk as she shifted to the head of the bed, edging past Dís as she did so until she could place her hand on Fíli’s forehead.

“Sleep, gwinig,” she murmured to the thrashing dwarf, “sleep and have pleasant dreams.”

It was like watching a lever switch from on to off. The calm that settled over Fíli’s features was instantaneous, and with his breathing once again evening out all three dwarves were able to release their hold on him.

“Thank you,” Dís sighed in relief, wiping the unshed tears from her eyes. “Thank you for helping him.” Watching her son suffer a dream of that severity was terrifying, and the sense of utter helplessness she felt in that moment even more so.

Amber inclined her head to the dwarrowdam, and nearly toppled off the bed as she did so.

Three sets of hands shot out to steady her, and Amber couldn't help the blush that coloured her cheeks. When she regained her balance she looked at them sheepishly. “Thank you-“

Dís cut her off with a chuckle. “With everything you have been through, and everything you have done for my son, I think stopping you from falling flat on your face is the least we could do.”

Kíli and Thorin sniggered, only to snap their mouths shut when Dís levelled them with a look.

“Sorry mum.”

“Sorry Dís.”

“I should think so!” Although her tone was stern her eyes twinkled in amusement.

“I can see what Fíli meant,” Amber laughed tiredly and drawing their attention, “by Kíli being the bigger troublemaker out of the two of you.”

It was Dís’ turn to snicker, and despite the lingering exhaustion even Amber looked quietly amused.

“That is totally untrue,” Kíli huffed. “Fíli is just as bad as me, if not more so. Only reason he gets away with it is because he's too clever to get caught.”

Thorin ruffled his nephew’s hair fondly. “Is that so, Nûlukhel? Perhaps we should give you additional lessons in strategy if that's the case.”

Kíli blinked. “What- WAIT!” He cried in horror, “I didn't mean it like _that!”_

Dís shook her head fondly as Kíli and Thorin continued their quiet discussion about the brunet's cleverness, or lack thereof in this case, before turning to Amber. “If you don't mind my saying my dear, you look terrible.”

“I feel terrible,” Amber replied with a weak laugh, “but better than I have in a long time. The rest has done me well, and I thank you for that.”

“You do not need to thank me -”

“And yet I shall all the same. I will however take my leave if I may, my body still needs some time to recover and sleep is the only way it shall do that.”

Dís stood and offered her hand which Amber took gratefully. “You don't even have to ask. Do you need some help getting back to Fíli's room or will you be alright?”

Taking mental stock of her body Amber shook her head. “I should be fine,” she said after a moment, “but if I need your help I'll be sure to ask.”

Happy with the response she moved aside, hands shooting out to steady the elf as she rose.

“Oh and I realise you wish to know what happened during Fíli's capture,” Amber addressed the three dwarves now that Kíli and Thorin had turned their attention back to her. “So I am more than happy to fill you in in the morning. In fact I think its best, it will spare him from having to relive it for the immediate future.”

Thorin inclined his head to her, relief clear in his voice when he next spoke.  “Thank you. For everything really, but especially for being there for Fíli when we could not.” He turned to look at the other two. “And I think it's time we turned in also, I've had enough drama for one night.”

With a nod Dís ushered Thorin and Amber out of the room, pressing a kiss to each of her sons’ brow’s before following the pair out of the room. “Sleep well inúdoy’s,” she whispered as she closed the door over.

“Sleep well.”

 

* * *

 

The light of the mid-morning sun shining on his face and birdsong was what woke him.

Fíli blinked sleepily, turning his head slightly toward the window and luxuriated in the feeling of the warmth on his skin.

After several minutes of utter silence, and the peace that accompanied it he shifted carefully, deciding that it was probably a good idea to move his limbs from the dead attachments they currently were and into something a bit more lively.

It was when he was in the process of shifting his back that he realised there was a heavy weight behind him. Turning his head Fíli found his brother curled up behind him; one arm that he had somehow failed to notice thrown across his hip and his forehead resting against the back of his neck.

It was then that he noticed the third presence in the room; Thorin sitting in the chair beside the bed and reading a book.

Hearing the sheets rustle Thorin looked up and smiled at the sight of sleepy but alert blue eyes staring at him.

“Good morning little lion,” he greeted, depositing his book onto the bedside table, “how do you feel?”

“Better,” he rasped, coughing a little at the dry ache in his throat. “Water?”

Thorin nodded and stood, moving to the pitcher of water he’d left on Kíli’s desk and poured a glass. Placing it on the bedside table he helped his nephew into a sitting position and handed the glass over when Fíli gave him a nod.

“Is there any for me?” A groggy Kíli asked, rubbing his eyes after being woken by his brother’s movement.

“There is,” Thorin told him, reaching out to help steady Fíli's hand, “it’s on the desk.”

“Cruel, uncle,” he muttered as he rolled out of bed, groaning when he hit the floor unceremoniously. “Just cruel.”

Finishing his mouthful Fíli chuckled tiredly at his brother's antics. “I’m glad to see nothing has changed in some respects.”

Kíli rolled his eyes in fond exasperation as he crawled across the floor towards the aforementioned water, legs still somewhat unresponsive and uncaring he looked like a toddler.

With a put upon sigh Thorin turned back to the blond, smoothing golden hair back as he took the cup from him. “Now, how do you feel?”

“Much better, definitely,” he answered honestly. “Weak, still a little tired and my body aches, but I’m more alert than I have been in a long time.”

Kíli let out a distressed noise from his place somewhere on the floor and Thorin looked at his oldest nephew sympathetically. “I'm not surprised. Amber filled us in on most of what happened and-” he took a few deep breaths, the events that the elf had filled them in about over steaming mugs of tea and early morning light still clear in his mind.

Part of him wished he’d been left in blissful ignorance.

“Fíli, I am _so_ sorry,” he sighed, shaking his head to silence him when the blond tried to protest. “Listen to me, inúdoy. I am not apologising for my failure to ensure your safety, although I will regret it until the day I return to the stone, I am saying sorry for what you were put through. No one should have gone through what you did, I wouldn't have wished a fraction of it on my greatest enemies and yet you suffered through it and _survived._ ”

Fíli blinked, biting his bottom lip to keep it from trembling as the memories flooded back in flashes. “I-I survived,” he sobbed, raising a hand to his mouth as though trying to fight back against the swell of emotion. “I-I s-ur- _vived.”_

Two sets of arms enveloped him as he started to cry.

And cry he did.

It was a much needed catharsis; all the fear, all the anger and horror and pain, all the times he’d wished for death and struggled to survive another night, all the times he’d screamed in terror and screamed for his family to save him…

Every pent up emotion he had hoarded over the last year came tumbling out, and Thorin and Kíli could do little more than hold on and weather his internal storm with him.

 

* * *

 

Dís took a deep breath and let it out slowly, readjusting her grip on the tray before pushing the door to Kíli’s chambers open.

It had been twenty minutes or so since Amber’s ears had pricked to the sound of her older son crying, and another ten since he had stopped. At the elf’s suggestion she had waited to go in to see him, to give him a chance to compose himself as much as he could. When she had reminded Amber that she was his mother and he would need her she had shaken her head.

_“He will need you, that is true, and there will be plenty of times in the future where you can be there for him and help him through it. But he also needs support, not coddling, for if he is to heal and grow stronger then he needs to be able to do so without constant pity.”_

While frustrating, she knew it was true. Fíli, her dear Fíli, had never been keen on people fussing over him. He’d had more than enough of it when he was training for his role as heir, and the last thing he ever wanted was everyone treating him like he was made of glass whenever something happened.

With her smile in place she entered the room, chuckling at the look of delight that appeared on Fíli’s face when he spotted her and the tray she carried.

“Hello Gimlith, are you hungry?”

The blond nodded, a little bit of colour on his cheeks lessening his haggard appearance. “Definitely.”

Pleased with his answer she moved further inside, waiting for Thorin to vacate from his spot so she could sit beside her son and hand him his food. “Here you go sweetheart,” she said as she handed over a glass of milk and some porridge, sweetened with honey and berries. “Amber said it would be best to start you off with something light for your stomach. If you can keep that down, and you have room for more I’ll bring you in a honey cake.”

“Thanks mama,” Fíli whispered gratefully as he balanced his bowl on his lap and took a small sip of his milk, Kíli there beside him ready to catch the glass should it fall. The rich and creamy texture of the milk hit his tongue and he moaned at the taste, all thought of eating slowly floating out the open window.

When he drained the cup he handed it back to his mother. “You mentioned Amber,” he said tentatively. “Is she okay?”

Dís nodded, giving the glass to Thorin to put on the desk as she rubbed her son’s shoulder gently. “She was in pretty bad shape when she got here, but she’s slept the entire week away to recover. In fact, helping you through your nightmare last night was the first time she’d left that bed.”

“I had a nightmare?”

At his family’s hum of affirmation he sighed, running his fingers through his hair and tugging on a strand. “I’m not surprised,” he admitted after a moment. “I don’t remember it, but it’s not hard to guess what it was about. Where is she now?”

“Out in the garden. She said something about missing the sunshine and needing to breathe.”

His lip twitched into a fond smile. During their capture the sun was something Amber had admitted to missing under the cover of darkness when the orcs had discarded them for the evening. “I need to speak with her,” he told them. “I need to thank her for getting us out of there, and for being there for me.”

Dís bopped him on the nose lightly. “Finish your porridge Gimlith, and then you can go see her.”

 

* * *

 

Thorin waited for the door to be opened before he walked outside with his precious burden; a disgruntled but resigned Fíli who accepted his uncle carrying him to the garden with only a smallest amount of grumbling.

He had his pride to protect after all.

Dís was over by the apple tree not too far from the kitchen window, placing a blanket and some pillows on the ground and checking Amber, who had a small pile of apples beside her, didn't want anything else.

“Stop pestering her Dís,” Thorin laughed as he approached. “I’m sure if she had wanted something, she would have asked for it by now.”

Amber and Fíli grinned at each other, both in amusement and greeting, while Dís clucked her tongue.

“Bite me. I just want them to be comfortable, is all.”

“And we shall be,” Amber assured her as she drew her blanket around her shoulders tighter. “You’ve given us more than enough, I swear.”

“If we need you mama, we’ll yell,” Fíli promised.

With a sigh Dís fiddled with the last of the cushions and moved so Thorin could place her son onto them, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his head before taking her leave.

“Anything,” Thorin repeated as he also kissed his nephew’s head before following his sister into the house.

And finally, they were alone.

Fíli sighed deeply, rearranging pillows until he could lie back on the blanket comfortably. After draping one of the other ones over his legs to keep him warm he turned his head, smiling softly at Amber who was watching him with an equally fond look in her eyes.

“We made it,” he chuckled quietly in relief. “We made it.”

Amber smiled, taking his hand and linking their fingers together. “We did indeed.”

They lay there in silence for quite some time, allowing the rustling leaves and birdsong to fill the air around them and simply enjoyed the feeling of being _free_.

Their fingers remained entwined.

“I’m scared,” he whispered eventually, keeping his voice low to avoid startling the birds from their chatter.

Amber turned her head and looked at him, eyes searching his face. “What are you scared of?”

“Everything?” He shrugged as he thought, “nothing?” He opened his mouth several times, trying to figure out what he wanted to say but each time he thought he knew he’d close his mouth again. No matter how he phrased it, it didn’t seem right.

Amber gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Tell me what bothers you, mellon.”

“I just- I’m scared to talk to my family, I suppose. I’m scared to remember and I know they’ll want me to talk about what happened, but how can I when every time I close my eyes, even for a second, I see fire and blood and pain. How can I when every time I see _him?_ ”

He didn’t realise his eyes had started to sting until Amber had pulled him into her arms.

“It’s okay mellon,” she whispered, “it’s okay. Let it out, I’m here.”

He didn’t cry, for he had run out of tears to shed. But he did tremble in her arms for a long time, the pain that his body and mind had suffered for so long flooding out of him.

Eventually it stopped, and Fíli raised wet eyes to look at the elf. “Sorry,” he chuckled, “that was rather unexpected.”

Amber grinned. “But you feel better?”

“Much. Thank you.”

She winked at him. “Now, let us solve this dilemma of yours. The sooner it is done, the sooner you can heal.”

“I worry about what they’ll think of me when they find out what happened. That they’ll think me weak.”

“First of all you must remember that I filled them in on what happened. Not _everything_ , but the things I thought were important to mention. Including where that Kuu`Datto is holed up. Hopefully, your uncle and your kin will see to him swiftly. Secondly, they are your family, Fíli. They will never see your suffering as a sign of weakness. You are strong, you are brave, and your heart is filled with a love so great for those close to you that anyone lucky enough to know you should feel humble.”

“You’re just saying that to be nice,” he laughed weakly.

Amber tutted. “I am _not_ ,” she huffed, her words laced with amusement, “I don’t say things to be _nice_ , I thought you knew that by now.” The smile that Fíli gave her, which was more amusement than sadness, was enough to make her cuff him lightly. “ _As I was saying._ Your family love you Fíli, and they want to help you work through this. But you have to find a way to let them in. They want their golden dwarf back, but you have to help them do that, yes?”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, rolling so he was once again lying beside her. Her words were honest, and truthful, and it was up to him to do what needed to be done.

He had to try and open up to his family.

“Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

“What do you think they’re talking about?”

Dís looked up at the interruption. Kíli was standing by the sink, rolling his mug in his hands absentmindedly and staring out the window to where he could see his brother and the elf talking.

“Whatever it is, it is only for them to know, Gimlith,” she said fondly. There was no way she would admit to her own burning curiosity.

“But still,” Kíli huffed, turning away and placing his half-drunk tea on the counter. “What if what she’s telling him is important for us to help him recover? What if-”

“If it’s that important than either Fíli or Amber will tell us,” Thorin interrupted. “I know you worry Kíli, but I don’t think you have to worry about this.”

Kíli hummed his displeasure, glancing out the window again.

“I just want my brother back,” he murmured quietly,

“That’s all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mellon: friend  
> Nadad: Brother  
> gwinig - little one  
> Bastard: Kuu`Datto  
> Nûlukhel – moon of all moons  
> Gimlith – star that is young  
> inùdoy - my son


	27. Although My Heart Does Not Wish It, It's Time We Say Goodbye

**A/N: Hi. Yep, still here. I'd love to have some really good excuse as to why it's taken me almost 18 months to update this, but I don't. So for anyone still reading I apologise for the wait, but this is pretty much the end of this adventure. When I first planned this I was looking at doing a sequel, and then sometime last year I noped right out of that, so instead the final chapter for this will be an epilogue of sorts. Just because I had all these ideas as to how I'd love to insert Amber into the The Hobbit storyline, so I'll hopefully have that done sometime soon.**

**And not in 18 months soon, but rather I have set myself a 28 week challenge where I have to complete a list of things (writing deadlines, gym, food, weight etc) which if I complete I get a 'reward' at the end. I've got some pretty cool things planned if I get my challenges done, and completing IOTA was on the list for this fortnight!**

**Anywho, enjoy, I'd love to hear what you think for those still lingering. AND, one of the reasons this wasn't written about two months ago when I first sat down to do it was mainly because I couldn't quite remember what had happened in parts. So it went from me rereading it, to me editing the FUCK out of the first 10 chapters cause oh boy did they need fixing. So if anyone rereads this also, it should a lot better for you to read now!**

**Special thanks to[yurisuke](http://archiveofourown.org/users/yurisuke), [RollingDwarves](http://archiveofourown.org/users/RollingDwarves), [Gingermiss64](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Gingermiss64), [Ashes2Phoenix](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashes2Phoenix), [SerenJ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SerenJ), [Froot_Luips](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Froot_Luips), [SarcasticSmiler](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticSmiler), [Makojupiter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Makojupiter), [BBCJ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BBCJ), [mjeanuniverse](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mjeanuniverse), [bindsy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bindsy), [islandkate](http://archiveofourown.org/users/islandkate), [kat_114](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kat_114), [FiliKiliRp](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliKiliRp), [eyesonly](http://archiveofourown.org/users/eyesonly), [beanie168](http://archiveofourown.org/users/beanie168), [zhenziyi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/zhenziyi), [TheDwarfess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDwarfess), [WanderingHobbit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingHobbit), [Ace_of_hearts135](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ace_of_hearts135), [bammes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bammes), [ladylin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylin), [Destiny101](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiny101), [waterlilyblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyblue), [FiliAtYourService](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliAtYourService), [Blueskydancers](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueskydancers), [Milliegirl21](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Milliegirl21), [Paintedsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintedsmile), [pandorasxbox](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox), [fkuz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fkuz), [narnia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/narnia), [Toxabee](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Toxabee), [WithywindlesDaughter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter), [Schurmann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Schurmann), [Filithecat (CartierBailey)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CartierBailey), [AtmosphericDisruption](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericDisruption), [luvmsll](http://archiveofourown.org/users/luvmsll), [SpyderzW3b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpyderzW3b), [potatoprincess](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoprincess), [neige](http://archiveofourown.org/users/neige), [ItsFili](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsFili), [bragimitchelldurin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bragimitchelldurin), [Ruairi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruairi), [xNamikaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xNamikaze), [BiteSizeOreo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BiteSizeOreo), [Lionsmane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionsmane), [xLilarosa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xLilarosa), [Bubbles759](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubbles759), [Nayavenne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nayavenne), [WerewulfTherewulf](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WerewulfTherewulf),  [Finduilas88](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas88), [ThornyHedge](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornyHedge), [Mycreativewritings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycreativewritings), [archer_and_lionprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_lionprince), [MatildaJohnson](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaJohnson), [FuryNZ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryNZ), [MissSilverspoon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSilverspoon), [Nori_getashovel (vlh114)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114), [marigoldfaucet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/marigoldfaucet), [MeanKittyArchimedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MeanKittyArchimedes), [WytchDr](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WytchDr), [madb94](http://archiveofourown.org/users/madb94), [Astaraiche](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Astaraiche), [cybersuzy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersuzy) and [qwikshot16](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qwikshot16) as well as the 175 guests who've commented or kudosed, you guys truly are awesome!!**

 

* * *

 

_The days bled on, and life slowly but surely began to settle down in the Durin household. To everyone’s delight Fíli’s strength returned in increments, and the nightmares were gradually becoming few and far between._

_The Orc that had orchestrated Fíli’s yearlong captivity had been dealt with days after his and Amber’s talk outside; Dwalin leading the volunteers to Forlindon where, after a brief audience with the town’s leader saw the pack ambushed and disposed of._

_All except for the Orc himself._

_Dwalin had taken great satisfaction in tying the creature up and dragging it back to Ered Luin for questioning, and even greater satisfaction when it was strung up in the middle of the town square for all to see before being used as target practise by the archers in training._

_Kíli and Thorin had watched on until the creature eventually succumbed to its wounds, and when its death had been confirmed they returned home to deliver the news. The relief on everyone’s faces was evident, and the change that came over Fíli was like watching an invisible weight slide off his shoulders._ _In celebration Kíli had finally given Fíli the swords he had made the previous year, and it had been well worth the blood, sweat and tears that had gone into making them to see his brother’s face when he unsheathed them for the first time._

_“They’re beautiful Kee,” he whispered, running a gentle finger along the designs. “Thank you.”_

_“I’m just glad you will be able to use them,” Kíli replied, kissing his brother on the forehead. To mark the end to their hellish ordeal the little family and their guest had a drink and hardy meal, all of them more than ready for what could only be a better year ahead._

 

* * *

 

The sound of birdsong filtered through the open bedroom window ahead of the early spring sun, while the weak rays of light bled down the walls and settled on the two misshapen lumps on the bed.

Kíli was the first to stir in his cocoon of blankets, the warmth becoming near unbearable inside his nest. He sat up, hair tousled and dark eyes hazy with sleep as he tried to get his bearings only to groan in annoyance when he realised he’d woken with the sun. He sat there contemplating whether to go back to sleep for another few hours when the sight of blond hair beside him caught his attention. He turned his head, smiling softly at the sight of his brother curled up on his side; his face slack in sleep and looking entirely at peace.

It was a look he wasn’t sure he’d ever see again, but despite it all here he was; alive and healthy. He hadn’t completely recovered, not by any means - and they were all well aware that it would take a long time for Fíli to come to terms with, and move on from his ordeal - but day by day he made progress.

A week ago, however, Kíli had feared that an accidentally eavesdropped conversation would destroy all the progress Fíli had made.

_Kíli entered the house with his arms laden with food, grumbling under his breath about being sent to the market to get out of his mother’s hair. He’d only wanted a cookie for Mahal’s sake! How was he to know she’d forgotten half of what she’d set out to get that morning because dwarves kept asking her how Fíli was?_

_He shook his head to himself and toed off his boots, kicking them against the wall before heading to the kitchen. He could hear movement as he got closer, but stopped dead when he realised his mother wasn’t alone._

_“Where will you go?” Dís asked, and Kíli felt his stomach drop when he realised what they were talking about. “You know Fíli will be devastated.”_

_“I know he will, and leaving him will be hard for me also. But I have to return to my people. Evil is beginning to stir in the far reaches of the world, and I must warn them.” There was a sigh, and Kíli thought that Amber sounded almost wistful. “Besides, it’s time for me to go home. It was a year for Fíli, but it was a lot longer for me. I’m ready to see my family again.”_

_“Of course,” Thorin said apologetically, and Kíli started when he realised his Uncle was there too. “I think we were all so relieved to have Fíli return, no one spared a thought to those you had left behind. When do you plan to leave?”_

_“I’m unsure, I’m waiting on a raven I sent to Rivendell to try and track down the Rangers. Once I know their location I need to source a horse and some supplies - so perhaps a week, two at most.”_

_He closed his eyes briefly, wondering just how he was going to break the news to Fíli when a slight scuff of carpet behind him told him his brother had overheard the entire conversation as well. He turned around but Fíli had disappeared, and as much as he wanted to go after him to make sure he was okay, he thought it was best to give him some room to process what he had heard. With his decision made he squared his shoulders and walked into the kitchen, startling his mother and Thorin with his sudden appearance._

_“Kíli!” Dís scolded, “All this hunting makes you so light on your feet no one can hear you coming anymore. Perhaps I should get Thorin to make you steel soled shoes so you can stop frightening your poor mother.”_

_He made a face at that, and settled his burden on the counter. “And sound like a herd of Oliphants walking across the cobblestones? No thanks, you used to threaten to box my ears when I was too noisy, I don’t need an actual reason for you to do so now.”_

_Dís waggled a finger at him and rose to look through the baskets he’d brought as Thorin and Amber hid their laughter behind their fists._

_“What’s with all this food for, mama? You planning a feast?”_

_His mother hip checked him out of the way, rolling her eyes when he snagged an apple from her basket. “Am I not allowed to cook a nice meal for my family anymore?”_

_“Only if you’re trying to bribe us,” he answered with a grin._

_Amber grinned, Kíli pointing at her knowingly which made Thorin shake his head in amused exasperation. “Be gone you little toad,” Thorin told him, waving him out of the kitchen. “Come back when you remember how to respect your elders.”_

_“Oh I know how,” he assured his uncle as he sauntered out of the room. “By keeping the food close and the bedpans closer.”_

_His mother’s mortified shriek followed by Amber’s burst of laughter sent him racing down the hall before he received a wooden spoon to the head._

_When he was certain his mother wasn’t planning on using him for target practise he went in search of his brother, hoping that he’d had enough time to work through the initial shock Amber’s imminent departure had undoubtedly brought. He eventually found Fíli curled up in the corner of his room with his face buried in his knees._

_The sight made his heart ache, and after fetching a blanket from the bed he settled beside the blond, settling it over both their shoulders. Fíli had stayed quiet at first, but with Kíli being a solid presence beside him he eventually opened up; all his fears about Amber leaving, about not being sure if he’d be able to cope with what had happened all came flooding out onto the cold stone beneath them._

_It was a long talk._

_By the end of it the pair were exhausted, but at peace. Fíli had haltingly told Kíli about what had happened, and Kíli in turn had filled him in on the guilt he had carried around ever since his disappearance. For them both to know how the other felt, and the emotional turmoil they had suffered all those months apart, it had lifted a near suffocating weight off their shoulders._

_That night, Fíli had entered his chambers - wide eyed and clammy with sweat from a nightmare - and asked if he could share Kíli’s bed. Kíli, having been tossing and turning himself had been more than happy to scoot over and wrap himself protectively around his brother to offer the comfort he so clearly needed._

_And it had been that way every night since._

 

A groan escaped the pile of blankets next to him and Kíli grinned, watching as they began to squirm.

“Morning sleepy head,” he greeted quietly, laughing when Fíli emerged with a huff and as bleary eyed as he had. “Did you sleep well?”

Fíli sat up enough so he could curl over and lean his head on his brother’s shoulder. “S’hot,” the blond grumbled, trying and failing to stifle a yawn in Kíli’s shoulder, “Why’s it so hot?”

“Your little nest of blankets might have something to do with it,” he replied, dropping a kiss onto the mess of golden hair. “And unfortunately we’ve woken with the sun.”

Fíli groaned again, moving until he was flopping sideways and back onto the bed. “Well tell it to go ‘way,” he mumbled, the combined heat of blankets and sun dragging him back under as he nuzzled into the pillow. “S’too early, too early…”

Kíli grinned as his brother’s sentence faded away into a snore. Deciding that Fíli had the right idea he shuffled across the bed to draw the curtains, more than happy to get a couple more hours of sleep before facing the day. With a last fond look he lay down, turning so that their backs were pressed against each other as much as possible with the numerous blankets between them and he quickly drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

It was her sons’ mumblings drifting through their open bedroom door that had woken Dís, and she lay in her bed for a moment, smiling at the soft snores that followed moments later. Satisfied neither of her boys would be up any time soon she chose to just lie there for a moment, enjoying the peace and quiet before the madness that would soon take place began.

Eventually the itch to get her cooking started had her rising, and as she sat up her eyes landed on the drawing of Viali that was beside her bed. She picked it up, running a finger down the canvas tenderly. Oh how she missed her husband; with his infectious laughter and love for his family and his people, and with everything that had happened it made her miss him even more. “Our boy is home,” she murmured, closing her eyes as she pictured Viali holding her close in her mind. “And I know that, despite everything that’s happened you would have been watching over him the whole time, because we Durin’s stick together, no matter the distance between us.”

With a wistful sigh she placed a kiss to the picture before setting it back down, donning her old tunic that she always wore when a large amount of cooking was to be done before shuffling out to the kitchen.

There was a lot to do, considering it was the day of Fíli’s official welcome home party the council - and the village once they got wind of it - had insisted on throwing. The entire affair had been kept a secret from Fíli; she and Thorin had been very careful not to say anything while either of the boys were around, and it was a testament to Kíli’s dedication to helping his brother that he was unaware of the party as well.

That was, at least, until they’d pulled him aside the previous afternoon while Fíli was taking a nap to fill him in on the coming celebration, and unsurprisingly Kíli had vehemently been against keeping it quiet.

_“Amad, don’t you think that’s unfair on him?” Kíli asked, his tone laced with exasperation. “Dealing with crowds isn’t something he’s done in a long time, and to spring a party on him? Wouldn’t it be a good idea to give him some kind of warning at least?”_

_She tucked a strand of hair behind her son’s ear, fingers brushing his cheek gently. “I know you worry Ghivashith, but we won’t spring it on him. We’ll tell him tonight, after dinner.”_

_Kíli looked between her, Amber and Thorin helplessly. “But -”_

_“The later he finds out about this party, the less time he has to overthink it and panic about whether or not he’s ready to set foot amongst your people again,” Amber reasoned with him from her spot at the table. “Fear not little one, your brother will be fine. And if not, there are plenty here who can help him work through it if needed.”_

_Despite the assurances that Fíli would be okay, Dís knew her youngest would remain unconvinced right up until they had broken the news to him. Their small group was in various stages of relaxation in the living room; Thorin sitting in his armchair with a pipe clutched in one hand and an official document of some kind in the other while she was in the beginning stages of knitting a new scarf. Her boys were sprawled on the couch, legs tangled together as Fíli read and Kíli fletched some arrows he’d been meaning to do while Amber was at the table reading through a scroll of her own._

_She had been shooting surreptitious glances at her brother all evening, impatient for him to get the conversation over and done with. They had both decided it was best to come from him, for not only did he represent their family, but he was also the leader of their people, and Fíli deserved to hear it from their King._

_Still, it didn’t mean she had to like the wait._

_After what felt like her hundredth glance over at him she caught Thorin’s eye; looking at him pointedly until he sighed, setting his papers down and folding his hands in front of him. She spotted Kíli glancing over at Thorin and smirked, knowing full well that if Thorin didn’t get it over with soon, Kíli would undoubtedly start the conversation for him before dumping it on his lap to complete._

_Thorin rearranged his paperwork, frowning as he did so before taking a deep breath and clearing his throat, which soon caught Fíli and Amber’s attention and she set her knitting aside to listen. Rather than say anything straight away he stared at Fíli instead, which in turn made her son frown at the sudden attention. “What? Have I got something in my beard? Kíli, brother, you betray me if you’ve let me sit around with spinach in it all evening.”_

_Dís shook her head fondly as Kíli flicked his brother’s knee. “You’re beard’s fine, nadad,” he assured him, “but Thorin has something to tell you, don’t you Uncle?”_

_“Aye Fíli,” he agreed, “there is something we’ve been meaning to tell you for the past week. We, and when I say ‘we’ I mean the entire settlement, have been planning a - well… a welcome back party.”_

_Fíli blinked. “A… party?” he asked slowly._

_“Yes. You’ve been sorely missed, Gimlith, and our people would like to see you, whole and hale, for themselves.”_

_Fíli looked down at his lap, twining his fingers together. It was a habit he’d started as a dwarfling whenever he was nervous, and she smiled slightly at the familiar sight. “Oh. Sounds… nice.”_

_Kíli took his brother’s hand in his, shuffling closer on the couch whilst giving her and Thorin a brief glare. “Fee, no one will blame you if you don’t want to attend,” he told him quietly, “if it’s too much too soon then you just need to say. But…” taking a deep breath he bumped his shoulder against Fíli’s gently. “I think it would be fun, y’know? These aren’t strangers, they’re our kin, and they’d know to back off the moment you looked uncomfortable or overwhelmed.”_

_“I – I know,” Fíli replied, voice barely above a small whisper, “I want to see them, I_ do, _but I just…” he shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know if I’m ready, Kee. What if I’m not ready?”_

_“Then we go home, pure and simple. They just want to see you, welcome you home, but they’ll understand if you aren’t ready to be surrounded by so many people.”_

_“You’ll be with me?” Fíli asked hopefully, untangling his fingers only to take Kíli’s hand into his own._

_Kíli held his brother’s hand tightly. “Of course I will be Fee, I only just got you back. And besides, I have no intention of letting you out of my sight any time soon.”_

 

She shook her head, clearing it of the memory. She hoped that Fíli would be okay, she really did, because she knew that while he would stress about being in front of so many people, seeing those who cared for him would help his healing progress even further by reminding him he wasn’t alone.

At least, that was what she hoped.

With that in mind she set to work; honey cakes, beef stew and apple and rhubarb pies were on her to-do list for the day, all of which were Fíli’s favourites and she started the preparing the doughs for the pies when the front door opened suddenly and she dropped her spoon in shock.

“Amber!” she scolded, placing her hand on her heart in surprise. “Goodness child, you gave me a fright.”

The elf ducked her head in embarrassment. “My apologies, lady Dís. I did not expect anyone to be up this early.”

She shook her head, grabbing a large cut of beef from the pantry and placing it on the table. “Well there is plenty to do this morning, and as you are up you can help me prepare the food.”

Despite her initial surprise, Amber threw herself eagerly into the task, watching in fascination as Dís pulled out a variety of herbs and spices from the larder and set them on the table. “How on earth would one come up with a recipe such as this?” she asked in bewilderment as she began mixing the ingredients together under the Dwarrowdam’s watchful eye. “Let alone find the time?”

Dís chortled as she finished seasoning the meat. “It's a recipe passed down through the generations, my dear. You see, despite being royalty my ancestors had a thing for cooking, it brought them great joy and was a way to relax when the crown became too much to bear. So it, and many others, have been passed down the line, from parent to child.” She went silent for a moment as she thought back to how much of the Dwarven history had been lost when Smaug had wreaked havoc on her homeland. “I suppose you could say our knowledge is one of the few things of my family to have survived the Dragonfire.”

“I am sorry,” Amber said quietly when she noticed the faraway look in her companion’s eye.

“There’s nothing you could have done dear, it happened before your time.”

She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Um… not _quite_ before my time,” she admitted, “and I could have done _something_ , if only I had been faster.”

Dís stilled, her hands freezing as she looked over at the elf in alarm. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“I had heard whispers, rumours of a dragon leaving its nest. By the time I got word the wyrm was indeed on the move, and where it was going I was too late. I ran for weeks, but I had been too far away to make any difference.” Amber set the bowl down and hunched her shoulders, making herself small in her sadness. “By the time I arrived… your people had gone. I went to the Greenwood, and when I learned that Thranduil had abandoned you in your time of need…” she shook her head and gave Dís a small smile. “I gave him a piece of my mind, told him exactly what I thought of his refusal to help. I haven’t been allowed into the Greenwood since.”

Despite the unexpected revelation, Dís snorted. “If you managed to rile Thranduil enough for him to ban you from his home, then it must’ve been a sight indeed.”

“His son certainly thought so. I swear it is his favourite topic whenever I see him.”

She laughed at the grumpy tone, and filed the information away for later. Her brother’s attitude towards their house guest had stunned her; his easy acceptance and general cheerfulness whenever they spoke had been a source of constant amazement to the rest of them, and she didn’t want to risk ruining that by reopening old wounds.

Keen to change topic she asked the elf, “What had you out so early this morning?”

Amber stilled momentarily before putting down the knife she was using, turning to give Dís her full attention. “A raven appeared at my window in the early hours of the morning,” she confessed, “and I now have a location of the rangers. I had to inform the Stable Master that I would require my horse by early evening.”

“Had you told him yet? That you’d soon be leaving?”

She shook her head. “I thought I would have a bit more time, but that is no longer the case so I will talk with him after breakfast when I figure out what I want to say. I would’ve liked to wait a couple of days, but the Rangers will be on the move soon and they are unsure where they’ll settle again, which is why I need to regroup with them as soon as possible.”

“He’ll be heartbroken,” Dís warned.

“I know, but perhaps it’ll also be how he finally heals.”

 

* * *

 

They fell into an easy rhythm with their cooking. Over the next hour the pair worked quickly and efficiently to prepare the food they were taking to the party, and it was only as Amber was slicing up the meat that Dís gasped in horror, making her drop the knife in alarm.

“What is it?!”

“Oh child, I’m so sorry!”

Amber frowned at the dwarf and was surprised to find her looking utterly mortified. “Did I – did I not cut the meat correctly?” She asked hesitantly.

“No, no it’s not that at all!” Dís explained hurriedly. “I just – I should never have asked you to touch it in the first place.”

“Why?”

The dwarf spluttered. “Well - well it’s _meat._ Elves are against eating any animal, is that not so?”

To Dís’ great surprise, Amber snorted before quickly stifling her laughter. “I’m – sorry, I shouldn’t laugh,” Amber giggled, coughing to try and calm herself. “My apologies, I do appreciate the concern, but that is more rumour than anything. There are many highborn Elves who do not agree with eating animals, but there are many of us – Rangers especially - who are well aware that we cannot survive on nuts and berries alone. Lembas is often a good alternative, but not always available. We thank the spirits for any animal we kill, and ensure nothing goes to waste.”

They looked at each other and began to chuckle, and before long their laughter drew the rest of the household into the kitchen.

Pleasantries were exchanged and the three new additions prepared a meal for them all for breakfast before taking their seats at the table, Amber and Dís joining them not long after.

“I hope Amad didn’t drag you out of bed to help this morning,” Kíli asked Amber conversationally, only to yelp when his mother pinched his side.

“No she didn’t,” Amber chuckled, smiling at the younger dwarf who pouted and rubbed the sore spot. “I was up early and happened to return when your mother was beginning preparations. I am glad she asked me to help, though. It’s very rare I get to partake in such fine cooking.” Turning to Fíli she placed a hand over his. “How are you feeling this morning, mellon?”

Fíli smiled at her, and the absence of hesitation was more than encouraging. “I feel good,” he admitted, “I’m looking forward to seeing everyone. I must admit it took a while to get my head around the thought, but as Kíli said, they’re my kin. And it will be good to see them all again.”

“That’s the spirit,” Thorin rumbled, clapping his nephew on the shoulder. “Now I must take my leave, I must meet with the council briefly before the party to discuss one or two things. I shan’t be too long.”

“You don’t really have a meeting with the council, do you?” Fíli asked with a laugh, sliding off his seat and collecting everyone’s dishes, “you just want to get out of cleaning up.”

“Yeah Uncle,” Kíli quipped, “you don’t fool us!”

Thorin rolled his eyes and swatted both his nephews over the head as he left the kitchen, laughing at the yelps that followed him out of the room.

Amber shook her head fondly at their antics, before moving to Fíli’s side. “May I have a word?” She asked quietly, and when the dwarf nodded she headed outside, catching Dís’ eye on her way.

Dís nodded and gave her a reassuring smile, before bustling away to distract Kíli. Once outside she led Fíli to the tree and sat at its base, patting the ground beside her.

“Is everything okay?” Fíli asked once he was settled, angling his body so he could give her his full attention.

“Yes,” she replied immediately, only to hesitate slightly before adding, “and no.”

“Still undecided?”

She smiled weakly at him. “Not quite. It is good news for me, but perhaps not so much for you.”

Fíli inhaled deeply, squashing down the flicker of panic that lanced through him. He had known for a week that Amber would be leaving soon, and it appeared today was the day. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

The elf looked at him in surprise. “How did you -?”

“Kíli and I overheard you, Amad and Uncle talking about a week ago,” he admitted. “I’ve been preparing myself ever since.”

“Then you know that although I must leave, it is not done so so willingly.”

He nodded, taking her hand in his. “It’s almost poetic, really, how my welcome back party would also signal your farewell.”

Amber tightened her hold on his. “Life often has a funny way of working itself out.”

“When will you leave?”

“Before sunset,” the elf assured, giving his hand a squeeze. “Don’t worry Gwinig, I will not leave until the party looks to be winding down.”

He nodded sadly. “I hope you will not leave without saying goodbye. You deserve a proper farewell, from all of us.”

“I would not dream of it.”

 

* * *

 

Despite his initial misgivings, the party was a huge success. Every person in Ered Luin had joined in the festivities, and had also been careful not to overwhelm their prince when they saw him. There was music and food, wine and ale, and raucous laughter at every turn.

All in all it was a true Dwarven celebration.

Within the first hour, Fíli was certain he’d shaken the hand of everyone there. But what had pleased him the most was that not once had he felt the urge to run away and hide. If this wasn’t progress he didn’t know what was.

Kíli had stuck to his side the entire time, and the few occasions he’d left to get food they had remained in eyesight of each other, just to add that extra reassurance in case he needed it. Ori and Gimli had found them not long after arriving, much to Fíli’s delight, and the four friends had found themselves in a large hug before the other two disappeared in search of food, with the promise to find them later.

He had given a speech, albeit a brief one, to thank everyone involved in his rescue and recovery. The gratitude he felt towards each and every one of them was something he struggled to put into words, but it seemed it wasn’t necessary; as one they all bowed to him, and once they’d righted themselves they followed it up with a cheer which left him with tears in his eyes and utterly speechless.

 

But as the sun passed its peak and eventually began to set, so too did Amber’s time with them fade.

Amber had stayed on the outskirts of the party with a small plate of food and an ale in her hand, listening and laughing along with the music. She’d found herself with a little group part way through the day, mainly consisting of human children and a few young Dwarflings who were brave enough to approach her, asking for stories of her adventures.

She had happily obliged, and at one point when Fíli looked over he’d found the children looking up at her in awe, and even some older dwarves and humans listening with interest. But, after the children were found by their parents and taken for food, she slipped away from the party, stopping to talk to Dís briefly before disappearing from sight.

After being assured by his mother that Amber was only collecting her horse and supplies he settled in beside Kíli to await her return.

 

* * *

 

Amber wrapped the last of the bread in its cloth and stored it in her saddlebag, adding the apples she’d picked on her way back to the house to the top so they were within easy reach.

She could hear the laughter coming from the party and smiled to herself, humming along to the music that drifted on the air as she closed up her bag and carried it outside. The horse that she had purchased that morning looked up and nickered at her as she approached, and with a gentle pat to its muzzle she moved around to the side and began saddling him up.

Once everything was in place she headed back into the house and to the room she had been given, donning the cloak that Dís had bought for her several days prior and securing it over her shoulders before turning to the weapons on her bed. As she had lost hers when the Orcs had taken her prisoner she had gone to the forge with Thorin one evening and found two swords that were designed for ambidextrous fighters and a well-crafted bow, all of which were gifted to her by the dwarf, despite her insistence at finding some way to pay him.

_“You already have,” Thorin assured her, raising a hand to silence her protests. “You protected my nephew, something that means I shall forever be in your debt.”_

_“You saved us,” she countered, “I think that debt has been repaid in full. But thank you, I shall cherish these weapons greatly.”_

And she would.

She slid the strap of the quiver over her chest, followed by the swords in their sheath and grabbed the bow, giving the room a final glance before she left the house for the last time.

“Protect those that reside here,” she whispered, closing her eyes as she prayed. “Grant them and their people a prosperous life. It is the least they deserve.”

Giving her horse another pat she slid into her saddle and kicked him into a walk, heading for the centre of the town to where she knew Fíli and his family would be.

 

* * *

 

Fíli saw Amber before the elf saw him, and he nudged his brother before heading over to her, Kíli slipping away to find Thorin and their mother.

“Are you all packed?” He asked as he came up to her, offering a hand as she dismounted and walked beside him and leading her horse along. “You could probably take some of the food from here if you need more.”

“I shall be fine,” Amber assured him, the pair skirting past the party and heading for the gates. “Besides, if I run out I’m certain I can find food along the way.”

He nodded and the pair walked the rest of the way in silence. It was as they came up to the gate that they found Kíli, Dís and Thorin waiting for them, and Amber smiled sadly at the sight.

“My friends,” she said in way of greeting, “I apologise for pulling you away from your festivities.”

“Eh,” Kíli shrugged, “they will still be going when we return, I’m sure we won’t be missed.”

“And we would not let you leave without saying goodbye,” Thorin told her gruffly.

Amber smiled and came to stand in front of him, bending down slightly to kiss Thorin on the cheek which made the dwarf blush and splutter in surprise. “Take care,” she told him. “And thank you, for everything you have done for me since my arrival.”

“As I told you,” Thorin reminded her, “it is only a fraction of what you deserve for bringing my family back together. Safe travels.”

She nodded before turning to Dís, crouching down so she could pull the Dwarrowdam into a hug.

“Thank you, Khajmel,” Dís whispered, “for everything.”

She pulled back enough to look at Dís curiously. “Khajmel?”

“Gift of all gifts,” Dís told her, “of which you truly are.”

Amber ducked her head in embarrassment. “Hannon-lee, mellon-nin,” she murmured.

Dís smiled and placed a kiss on her brow. “If you are ever passing this way again, we would love to have you.”

“Yeah,” Kíli agreed, smiling as Amber came to kneel in front of him, “don’t be a stranger.”

“I have no idea where my travels will lead me, but I will do my best to come visit one day,” she assured him.

“That’s all we can ask for.” Kíli also pulled her into a hug, and Amber laughed when he squeezed her with all his might. “Thank you for bringing him back to me,” he whispered. “I don’t know if I said it before, but you have no idea what it means to me to have him back again.”

Amber pulled away and smiled at him. “The care you have shown for him is thanks enough. Fíli is lucky to have you, and I hope none of you will be put in this position again. Take care of yourself, Kíli. And of your brother.” She clapped him on the shoulder and stood before turning to Fíli who was waiting by her horse.

Fíli smiled weakly at her and she walked towards him, crouching and placing her hands on his face to wipe away the tears that had gathered in his eyes.

“It must be the pollen,” he joked wetly, wiping at them when his vision blurred again.

Amber laughed, shaking her head fondly. “It must be indeed,” she agreed with a sad smile. “I really am sorry I had to leave on the day of your party, mellon-nin, but I -”

“I know,” Fíli sighed. “And as much as I don’t want to see you go, I know that you have your own family to return to. You were right about it all though,” he told her. “I have my family, and my friends, and I know that one day I will be okay.”

“That’s good to hear,” she replied, her smile growing wider. “You’re stronger than anyone I have ever met. If anyone can get past this, it’s you.”

They smiled at each other before Fíli looked over at Kíli and nodded at him, and Amber watched with interest as the young dwarf came towards her with a small bundle in his hands.

“What is this?” She asked curiously, and Kíli handed the package to his brother who unwrapped it to show her. “This is one of my favourite daggers,” Fíli told her, “and happened to have been at the smithy when Kíli and I went hunting last year. I want you to have it, as a symbol of luck, and to remind you of me.”

Amber took it from his hands and slid it from its sheath, turning the blade in her hands as she admired its craftsmanship. “I would say I fear it is too much,” she replied, “but I know I would be ignored.” She undid her belt and slid it through the two holes in the sheath, settling it into place at her hip. “Thank you mellon-nin,” she murmured. “I will treasure it always.

Fíli nodded and hugged her again, drawing back enough so he could kiss her on the forehead. “I’ll miss you.”

“And I you.” She placed her own kiss to his forehead before standing and remounting her horse. Fíli had gone back to stand by his family and she smiled down at the four of them. “Be careful out there, all of you,” she said. “Evil is beginning to stir in the far reaches of the world once again. If you ever need anything, send a raven to the Rangers or to Rivendell, they will know where to find me. Farewell my friends.”

The group all waved as she kicked her horse into a trot and passed through the town gate, and they all gathered at the gate to watch as she headed off down the path, raising their hands in a final farewell when she turned in her saddle to wave.

“You going to be okay, Fee?” Kíli asked him quietly.

Dís and Thorin turned to look at him, but he kept staring at Amber’s retreating back, allowing the sadness he felt to fill him on an inhale, and leave when he breathed out slowly.

He turned to the three of them and nodded, a small smile on his face.

“Yes, I think I will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gwinig - little one  
> Hannon le - Thank you  
> mellon-nin: my friend  
> khajmel - gift of all gifts


End file.
